The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

taxi I can feel the weariness and strain in your post. Small steps, it's good that the tree feller is there and you let him in. We also need to fell trees and have been putting it off.

stressed I had work related anxiety and panic. It's horrible and in my case came from putting too much pressure on myself and also worrying about what everyone was thinking, and not being able to trust myself for a while. Thinking of you, take it easy and rest and self care.

Velma sounds busy. I also have a few jobs today. It's pouring down here !
Is your first session today?

I had my first session it was just for them to determine what the issue is by asking for responses to some questionnaires and taking some general history details etc.
The results so far show medium anxiety, some depression, but the key focus is on the continual worrying.
I feel a bit better and I have a follow up appointment in 2 weeks where they will discuss treatments etc.
I sobbed when I had to talk about my Mam.
I've found another mindfulness app that explains how the mind works as well as having some breathing exercises. The explanation about anxious thoughts resonated with me. I'll go back into the app to find out what it's called and to find the bit that resonated and I'll come back and tell you all.

Velma. I hope you are ok now. I have had problems with complicated grief, with my parents. My mums situation was a little like your mother's, though also very different. My feelings were in denial due to many reasons, and only just recently coming out, mainly anger.and obviously loss on many levels.
Wishing you well.

I don't know exactly what I am worried about for the trip on Friday. I don't get full blown panic attacks so I'm not worried about that, I'm just scared. Dreading it a lot. I hope I manage to remain calm.

I changed my mind about my antipsychotic and started taking it again. I don't know if I feel any different after taking that pill. Then again, I might not take it tomorrow cos if I was alright for a week or so without it then maybe I don't need it? I do this all the time with medication, starting and stopping etc. I'll see how I feel in the morning.

I hope everyone is ok today.

And fluttergirl I would persevere with the duloxetine if I were you, duloxetine saved my life a couple of years ago. The only reason I'm not on it anymore is that in the end it made me hypomanic, I was literally too happy. Then they refused to prescribe me any more. But it is a great drug. It can make you feel a bit weird to start off with, but it's worth it in the end.

The app is called "mindfulness - the art of being human". There is a free version and a paid version, as with the other app I'll see how I go before I commit to purchasing the full app.
It explains the role of association with an example of a man called David who wants to stop drinking alcohol and he always thinks he wants a drink when he passes the off licence. He may not have thought about needing a drink until he saw the shop. It's not that the association is bad it's the relationship with the thought in that David now doesn't like or want to have the association thought I.e.he starts to feel bad and then starts to panic.
It then goes on to talk about 'solutions' where we attribute something to a situation when that is not necessarily what we actually want it mean. When I reflected back on the initial thought I had about DH at Easter I remember I saw him and he had a miserable face and looked quite grumpy. My thought and association would be something on the lines of "I don't like your face like that" and the solution thought was "I don't love you"
Even if you don't actually do the breathing exercises I think it's worthwhile just having the information explained in a different way regarding how we think.
Two quotes I've written down from the app, which have focussed and relieved the thoughts today are:
" Thoughts can't be trusted, even those that say they can"
"Thoughts are often taken far too seriously"
I haven't had a chance to do the breathing exercise yet, but I'll try and give it a try today.

Beautiful afternoon and early evening spent paddling in the sea. The water was so cool and fresh and the off shore wind was so strong, making the waves huge. I loved it. I could feel the sunshine on my face and felt very calm and lucky to be alive.☀️😍
Sleep well all x

Morning all. Hope all well and settled as can be.
Just had minor upset from OH- he doesn't tend to care about other peoples feelings and can be quite hurtful.
Also starting a new job this week, so getting ready for that, physically and mentally.
Also signed up for an in depth mindfulness course- but they call you to do an assessment before accepting you on the course so calling me today.
Anxiety level slightly up, because I find dh hard work and he is home today.
Have a good day all.

Interesting, I have got that feeling of chest burning fear I get when anxious. I can cope with dh, I have the strength and inner knowledge to be calm, to state my opinion without trying to appeal to him. I can see he has poor communication and can be hurtful. And if you challenge him he gets worse.
Will just have to see how the day pans out.

Hi. Can I come in and join you? Have various mental health issues including anxiety. The anxiety is hard to cope with at the moment. Non stop panic attacks :(

Hi Aint and everyone else on the thread.

I'm ok today. Not particularly anxious or anything.

I am trying to stop smoking. This is proving quite difficult for me. Gonna try and stick with it though.

I have decided to stop all my medication. The mental health team have made things difficult for me - they have me picking up my prescription weekly. I have asked to have it changed to fortnightly but I've been told no. This way I would be able to pick up my meds while I'm in the town anyway, rather than having to make a trip just to go to the chemist. This tripcauses me such anxiety that I have decided that I'd rather not take medication. If only they allowed my request I'd be able to continue to take my medication.

Hi Chestofdrawers. Welcome. Sorry to hear you're having panic attacks. Are you on any medication at the moment?

Hi chestofdrawers welcome to the thread.

I'm having a good day today. I did 10 minutes of mindful breathing this morning from the app I have highlighted above. I've re-read the sections if the explanations about our thoughts and emotions and made notes in my book.
I really can't tell you how much the explanation has helped me. I feel much more relaxed around DH and last night and this morning I wasn't analysing my reactions or feelings. Hopefully this continues this evening.
aint you sound in control. One saying I learnt along time ago is, 'you can't control other people only yourself'. It sounds as though you are doing this very well with regards your DH.
calm have they given you any reasons why they will only do weekly prescriptions? Could you have your prescription delivered?

Welcome to the thread chestofdrawers :)
Feel free to post when anxious, fed up, in a panic, for a moan.

I find going into a space in the garden and deep breathing, or distracting counting helpful.

Hi velma
That sounds good re the app. i am glad it's helping you, on your journey to recovery combined with the therapy- have you got regular appointments now?
My therapist is away, and I am, having now adjusted, enjoying the break from it.
I have had my call from the course organiser and been accepted, it's sort of a mindful retreat so they need to know you understand how it works, and if you will be ok with it. Looking forward to it.

Dh has gone out , to be completely honest I'm glad.

Hi velma they have said the reason they will only do weekly prescriptions is because I've just come off my antipsychotic and the reason they do weekly prescriptions is to stop me throwing a lot of medication in the bin. It's not fair. I don't know how I'd go about getting my prescription delivered, I'm with Boots and I don't think they do a delivery service.

Also I was wondering if you have been diagnosed as having OCD? The thoughts you are having regarding your DH rather sound like you do. They sound like the 'pure o' form of mental compulsions. Sorry I don't have any advice on how to ignore the thoughts, it does sound like they are causing you considerable distress

I have changed my mind and decided to continue taking my medication. I'm scared of becoming seriously unwell again. I will just have to take the trip to the chemist when it comes. I'm already nervous about it. I don't know why going to the chemist causes me such anxiety. It feels awful. Oh well.

calm I've just done a bit if research on pure o and it does look as though I have some similarities. From my initial consultation yesterday the counsellor just said from the results of the questionnaire it looks as though I have generalised anxiety with some depression and he thinks we'll focus in the worrying for my treatment but he needs to review the notes to come to a detailed treatment. I suppose the treatment could be some CBT, I'll find out on 14th August when I have my next telephone consultation.

Hi chestofdrawers welcome.

velma, glad the app is helping you. I have just started reading a book about health anxiety and also find that very helpful. The explanations in it are so clear and make a lot of sense.

calm well done on your decision. Sounds like it is the right thing for you.

Aint - the mindfulness course sounds really interesting. I am signed up for one as well, although it isn't a retreat.

I had a good day yesterday but somewhat stressful afternoon today, juggling guilt about not being with my daughter and work. I am part-time but self-employed and sometimes work bleeds into home life a bit. Find this a bit stressful sometimes, as I have a habit of saying yes to too many pieces of work because I want to build up a good reputation (have been in my field for ages but only self-employed for a year or so).

Morning all.
Rain here, but still feeling settled in myself. Still on leave .Looking forward at the moment to new job tomorrow. Might be different this evening!
Doing some prep work for that and admin.
Hope all feeling settled today ☺️

I am struggling. I have had a couple of weeks on citalopram (first time I have taken antidepressants) and I feel awful. Truly terrible. Felt like I had an all night panic attack last night I could barely sleep. I keep reading that this might be a 'normal' settling in period. Is it normal though? It's brutal.

Hi user. Yes it is completely normal. The first few weeks are often really hard and increased anxiety. Hang in there, things should improve soon