The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

@Aintgotnosoapbox Thanks, but don't worry, I'll do some research online later

Haha re dirty blanket 🤔 😁yes sleep hygienes a sl daft phrase x

Thank you ladies for the response. @marriedaroundchristmas my experience is sounding somewhat similar to yours was. Deliberately putting my self in a situation where if I was to die somebody could get into my house, trying to fill my days spending it with people so somebody is with me, although this just isn't possible. It's just incredibly hard but knowing that people are going through the same or have been through it hopefully will help. Xxx

Checking in. I've had a few better days, mostly been able to push worries aside. I even caught myself when starting to panic about something, saying 'So what?'and promptly forgetting about it.

But that doesn't stop the situation I'm in nagging at me a lot of the time, thoughts trying to tell me how much I hate it and can't I do something about it? So I end up telling myself there's nothing I can do about it. Which I'm sure isn't a good thing to have to tell yourself. Still so much I want to change. Feel I'm wasting time, even if I'm filling it IYKWIM

Ain't,what kind of therapist do you have that you can get emergency appointments and on the weekend too?!

Married your 11 42 post is spot on. Lots of good advice too. We are all trying our best, under hard circumstances, and keeping going is a huge achievement in itself

Hi all, feeling much more anxious today.
Hope others are ok.

Hi @Aintgotnosoapbox

Sorry you're feeling more anxious today, try and be kind to yourself.

I've had less anxiety at night for the past 2 nights - I've worn socks to bed to see if that helps. Could be a coincidence, but maybe it's helping. I get anxious when I feel cold (due to an infection after having DD, which made me shiver uncontrollably) so maybe having warm feet has made me feel safer or something. Not going to overthink it.

Something that I do since having anxiety is focus on something in the future. My focus is Christmas at the minute (has been for a couple of months ). But I find that thinking about a design for a homemade card, or coming up with present ideas, gives me something to think about, and gets me through the dark evenings which cause me anxiety. Then by the New Year it feels like it's nearly March, where lighter evenings start to creep in and I feel safer again. Such a strange way of thinking I know, but it helps me cope......

Thanks. Will try. It's about work tomorrow.
I sleep with a hot water borpttle every night, and a soft wool blanket on top of the duvet. A while back I bought a new mattress and memory foam mattress topper. I also ensure the bed is not cluttered, and try to turn my light off when my phone declares its bedtime! The sleep hygiene thing is no alcohol, caffeine few hrs before bed, little screen time, not vigorous exercise, big meal before bed. I listen to meditation in bed.
Just thinking what I can look forward to after work tomorrow. Maybe watching a TV programme or something.

Should say, I don't follow the sleep hygiene rules, though wish I could be more disciplined about getting to sleep on time. I sleep ok, but not usually for long enough.

Hi all, and welcome Naomi.

I've had a good few days. My Dad's lady friend was nice, but I got the vibe that she isn't quite right. Importantly, she doesn't like motorbikes and my Dad has 2! It might have been nerves on her part, but she doesn't seem to have a silly sense of humour or even ingratiate herself of my Dad's sense of humour, just little things like that. But, we'll see, Dad seems happy and that's the important thing.

My fear reaction to the intrusive thought seems to have gone near minimal to none at all. I'm having more normal thoughts and feelings and I've realised I'm being less introspective. On the back of this I haven't meditated or done my app for a few days, but I'm going to ensure I do them today, because it might have been these that helped.

With regards sleep hygiene, I find it so important and I'm sleeping when I feel the need, except when I'm at work obviously. I read before I sleep, something easy going. This alongside giving my body a few weeks rest from the gym and allowing myself to eat what I want rather than being cautious of my weight has also, I feel, relieved some tension and has reduced the anxiety.
All these ideas are on the back of reading the Dr. Weekes book.
I've got my CBT appointment on Friday, so I'm unsure how it will go because my general worry is now low and at the moment I have more of a positive outlook. My good days are now starting to outweigh the bad. I'm really thankful of this because it's been 3 months with thus bout of obsessive intrusive thought and I can reflect back and see there were times when I was in a really dark place.
On that note I went back to the gym today and I've started watching what I eat by not having biscuits with my cup of tea etc because some of my work trousers felt a little more snug

Hi everyone. I haven't been posting so much as I've been in my new flat and it doesn't have Internet there.

I'm doing quite well. I'm used to living on my own now and have been enjoying my own company. Although I've got into the habit of having a bottle of wine at night, must nip that in the bud.

I do miss living with the children. I come up and see them most days, it's quite a walk so I'm getting fit.

I recently went to see a GP to ask for citalopram again. I didn't think he would prescribe me it as I'm also under the care of a psychiatrist but he said yes. So I've been taking it for a week. He also gave me some diazepam so I've been taking that to stave off anxiety attacks. I stopped taking my olanzapine because of the weight gain and because I've also developed tardive dyskinesia where my tongue moves without me even feeling it. So I'm fine for the moment as I have diazepam but I don't know what I'll do when I run out.

I hope everyone is having a peaceful day

Hi calm good to hear from you and that you are doing well:)

I feel others are coping with worse, yet I Feel ashamed to say I can't tolerate the anxiety I feel. It's only thoughts, but they are always with me. It's so hard to snap out of/ put up with.

Had a wave of panic attacks this evening. Not all the physical feelings, just odd breathing, chest pain , but waves of intense anxiety. I just couldn't bring it under control. It's so tiring.

@Aintgotnosoapbox Sorry to hear about your panic attacks last night. How are you feeling this morning?

Hi all,

Aint I'm with you about not being able tolerate the anxious feeling. How are you feeling today?
calm you sound as though you are 'better' than a month or so ago and you are more on an even keel.
It's absolute sods law I come on and say I've had a good few days and then the anxious feeling reared its head yesterday evening and it's still with me today. I suppose my gym visit might have contributed?
CBT visit tomorrow for me and then DD goes on Brownie camp for the first time for 2 nights so just me and DH, I don't know if this is subconsciously playing on my mind and contributing to the anxiety.

Hello all. Thank you for good wishes, I checked the thread first thing before going out to work and it helped.
I had the most awful evening with panic attacks I couldn't control, then I just had to make a plan, breathing, meditations, breathing, meditations until a bit calmer, then I popped to my hobby, which is very mindful, but I was very quiet, and the plan was if I couldn't settle to call a helpline.
All of this created by my own thoughts and fear. No emergency, no sudden event, just panic over going into work today. Then when I went in, I feel calmer, as long as things stay under control. It's a massive fear of failing, and just generated fear I can't control. I don't want to leave the job as cognitively I know I'm good at it! But I can't tolerate feeling like that. Still got that anxious hangover tonight, but nothing like last night.
I hope by sharing that, maybe it might help someone. Sometimes I despair for improvement and struggle to understand how Ai could feel so bad when nothing has happened 😢

@velmadinkly Hope CBT goes well today, and that everyone feels good when DD goes away. I've got that to come (my DD is only 2.5!) but I don't know how I'd feel.

@Aintgotnosoapbox How are you today?

@Naomi2007 How are you getting on this week ??

Morning all, Calm I'm waiting for blood test results then going on Olanazapine, how much weight does it make you put on, that's all iv read is weight gain!! Did it help with the anxiety tho??? And glad your happy in your pad.
Aint I hope your feeling better, what is the helpline? Have you ever used it, isit effective, but well done for going to work, and the anxiety hangover.. Oh my god that's so true!!!
I'm still not sleeping, im up at 3, trying to be quiet not to wake my son but I put a wash on ect, whilst he was at his dads this morning I did a 6am gym class, the whole class I thought I was going to faint pass out racing thoughts, not matter how much I exercise I costanly feel like I'm going to pass out!!!
Has anyone or know the chances of passing out fainting from a panic attack??
Any why does exercise make it worse? Also has anybody tried DBT?

Hoping we all have a the best of day we can. X

@Cmblue Wow, you've been so busy. Have you passed out before?
That's always my main worry too, as soon as anxiety increases, my head feels fuzzy and I worry I'll faint. But I have never fainted.
What causes you to wake so early? Hope you have a more settled afternoon.

No iv only ever fainted when in Egypt with the heat, but the feeling with panic attacks is so intense and similar I think I'm going to faint, I'm exactly like you my head goes fuzzy and 100 miles per hour and I think I'm going to pass out!
I can get to sleep but just can't stay asleep, panic attacks wake me up so I'm up and down all night and I usually give up at 3, and funny enough I'm most pro active between 3-5 but by 11-12 I'm shattered!! Aww bloody anxiety!!

Cmblue olanzapine works wonders for anxiety. Although I've put on five stones in weight since starting antipsychotics four years ago. It does make you feel hungrier so just make sure you don't overeat. It makes me very calm. I've just restarted it this morning as I've nearly run out of diazepam and I'm scared of the anxiety returning. I hope it works well for you, it's a real anxiety killer

Hi all not feeling too great, but thank you for asking 😊 I had a bit of a hysterical cry to myself earlier just because my husband wasn't home on time to give our baby dinner. Combination of feeling alone and exhausted. It's like my mind just doesn't stop, it's constantly on the go. I'm so tired of feeling anxious, said earlier to mymum I really feel I have the weight of the whole world on my shoulders. My body just feels so heavy. Need to seriously some how destress

Thank you for just listening. I am trying to keep up and follow you all x

@calmday thank you so much for that response, all iv heard is bad things!! I was nearly going to refuse it Tuesday! I'm going to take it, clear my cupboard of sweets and if the anxiety stops just smash the gym seen as iv lost my job! But thank you for giving me some hope :) Ye I hope it helps me wean off the diazepam, I'm taking 20mg a day just to get out the house, way to much I know! X

Just a quick update, CBT went well today. We are now focussing on my behaviour around the intrusive thought.

We have dropped DD at brownie camp so no mad rushing tomorrow for swimming and dancing lessons, so i can lie in bed to my hearts content.