The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

I used to live along a dark road, the stars there were magical, puts everything into perspective. Millions of other worlds. In bed I'd watch them, and listen to the owls

Yes it's beautiful

What sort of day has everyone had?
I had a very challenging day at work, am not long home. It's strange because for the first time in my new job I feel some sort of sense of achievement.
The mind is a mysterious thing. I can't seem to understand my own experience sometimes.

Had a bad few days, and today I've felt really angry, that I have to fight this everyday, that there are other things going on that has stripped any control i ever had over my life, after years drifting I finally know what I want to do and where I want to be, but now, it's unable to happen

I don't want to carry on anymore. This is why people drug themselves up, they're sick of feeling horrendous 24/7. I don't think anything works on me though, I got prescribed benzos last year, they had stopped working after the first few tablets.

I just want to go back thirteen years, find that girl that was me, shake her, and tell her to wake up, one day this will be taken away, don't waste any time, don't sleepwalk into what's going to come your way. Run, run as far and as fast as you can

Hi all

love sorry your having a bad time of it at the moment. Would it help to tell us what you wished you had done and why you don't think you can?

aint you're damned right about not being able to understand our minds. One minute all is fine, the next we're all over the place. I'm pleased you've had a better day.

My anxiety is bubbling away in spurts at the moment. I had a good start to the week, but started to feel a bit dodgy Wednesday evening and yesterday. I slept well last night and woke up calm this morning, but it's bubbled away on and off and when it does my mind automatically thinks of DH and how I feel about him etc. I know it's the anxiety because when I hear a loud bang or if I'm sat quietly in a room and the door opens I feel all startled. I think it started on Wednesday from being tired and then yesterday because I got the dreaded call from holiday club that DD had vomited. Thankfully it seems as though it was a one off.

I'm going to do my mindfulness breathing app and the OCD app.

Hi all. I have an ' urgent' appt with my therapist today as I've had such a rubbish week. ( never would have thought I would use a sentence like that two years ago!) s usual I feel slightly better today, and then I struggle to remember all I felt .
Velma- hope the thoughts have settled today.
Love- I struggle with inner conflict and regret sometimes. Do you want to talk about a little of it? How are you today :)

Hi. I can't tell you how much better I feel after seeing my therapist. I feel so much better about myself and so much perspective gained. I literally love her.
How is everyone tonight ?

Hi aint I'm pleased your appt has helped. I had a wobbly start this morning, but I'm more relaxed now. I've had a few hours at the bingo with my friend this evening and I came home to a letter DD had written me telling me about Strictly

My Dad is coming down tomorrow with his 'girlfriend'. I'm happy he's got a female friend/ girlfriend, but apprehenscious about meeting her and seeing my Dad with somebody who isn't my Mam. It will seem weird.
I've decided I'm just going to be me and it's early days with the relationship for them so I bet she is worried herself about meeting me. I've also decided that if I'm having s wobbly day then she'll just have to see me like that, I'm not going to try and pretend I'm ok when I'm not.

Hi Velma , I think if it was me I would try to think of her as someone hopefully bringing happiness to my dad. But it's emotionally challenging for you. Hope it goes well.
That sounds really cute by your dd 😍

Well bloody hell I woke up today feeling proper out of sorts, I don't want to leave the house, my heart rate is 99 when sitting (god damn you fit bit) I have to tell myself I'm not going mad!! I AM NOT going mad, aggitated and don't know what to do with myself, like walking in a mist through treacle! Bloody f•ck off anxiety! Not today I haven't got the strength for your sh•t today, yep riding the wave... it will pass it's just your body's natural response is all well and good but when it's consuming your body, soul and beingand dragging you under water it's hard to ride this monstrous wave

Hi cm. sorry to hear this. Can you try a mindfulness meditation on headspace, and try mindful walk for ten minutes in the garden/ on the street.

Tried headspace, a circuit class, breathing techniques, it's just horrible because if it lasts to long I go into depersonalisation and its a horrible awful place to be in especially when your single parent, can you recommend any good guided meditation anti? Iv tried a few but the ones that make you chant I love myself numerous times really get on my wick.

The only ones I know of are headspace, Tara Brach website, soundstrue, mindfulorg, community of interbeing,
Haven't used all of these I find headspace best. Have you tried the short minis ?

Have you been outside? I find that best if I feel distressed. Mindfulness is good, but I find the extra distraction outside best. Also the deep soothing breathing and the count five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can feel, etc

Sorry @Cmblue that you're having a difficult day. I am also struggling today, so can't write much. But let's hope tomorrow is better for us both.

Ye iv tried the mini restore, unwind and breathe, Ye I walked to and forth the gym, now my energy, fight and strength are windiling, I'm physically and mentally exhausted by it all.
Married I really feel your pain :( I'm hoping we both have a better today tomorrow aswell, I'm sending you a cuddle

Sorry you are both having a bad day. 💔
That's very tough. Is there anything that usually helps? Is tiredness a factor, or illness?
There is a section on MINDwebsite which goes through help for the next five minutes, have gone in there a few times.

Yep thanks to my mental breakdown I haven't slept properly in a year, I'm lucky to get 5 hours of broken sleep, but hey I thinks it's true what they say...you never sleep the same after you've had a child anyway but by god this illness is taking away my sleep, not even tamazepam or zoplicone could help me, so here goes another day of living under a dark cloud,,feeling disconnected, paranoid battling intrusive thoughts when I'm just fucking washing up, having a panic attack when picking my son up from schoo! l woo ye anxiety I take my hat of to you, you little bitch, your really winning.
Really sorry for the negativity, I'm seeing my psychiatrist today, so hopefully he will shed some light and pray to god he doesnt just palm me off with more anti depressants, I'm rattling with them as it is.

@Cmblue I hope your day improves.

I had another anxiety episode whilst trying to get to sleep, it's my worst time at the minute. I just manage to fall asleep and then bang, wake with a thudding heart and have to try and calm myself. It goes on for hours.

Now after a couple of nights of this, I feel very unsettled. I know I'll have to force myself out of the house over the next two or so days.

I read something about some parents getting a weighted blanket for their children, when they had various health problems. I googled it, as I wondered how they worked, and found that they are used by adults with anxiety and things. Does anyone else know anything about them?

Married how you feeling?? Did you find anything out about the blanket?? Jesus the insomnia is annoying mixed in with panic tho, I get a really frightened feeling just before I fall asleep it's weird I then drop of for 2 hours,then I'm up and down all night, but been to see my psychiatrist today and he blessed me with the great news that iv got PTSD, borderline personality disorder, depression and GAD so Ye brilliant it doesn't rain but fuck me it pours!!

Morning all. I wrote a long post on my phone yesterday and couldn't post it as was out of signal, sorry to those having a bad day hope today starts better. How are you today cm and married?
Married- do you know about sleep hygiene at all? Could you try a wool or Welsh blanket on top of the duvet?
I am waking up anxious in the mornings at the moment. I am trying to focus on being, rather than my thoughts which just come from fear and aren't helping me.
How are you velma and love?

Hi, after googling anxiety forums I suddenly thought I'd check if good old trusty mums net had a section. And of corse they do. Just really wanting to get some feelings out and suppose know I'm not alone. I've been struggling with anxiety now for almost 3 years. Peaked massively during pregnancy and now my son is 7 months old I can't seem to shake it off again. It's just awful. I spend my days worrying I'm having a heart attack because I've got chest pain and my arm aches although I've had two ecg and blood tests along with chest x rays. Nothing I do seems to make it go away and I just feel so alone, my husband sympathises but doesn't understand. I try and smile my way through the day with my baby but it's just horrible. I dread waking up in morning some morning because it's just the same. I've booked some private cbt sessions but having to wait a few weeks and it just doesn't seem quick enough. I just want to be the bet mom i can be and this just makes my life a misery.

Hi Naomi welcome and sorry to hear your struggle recently. I sympathise with the Groundhog Day feeling- I think I have a plan, then I wake up and it's there again.
Have you tried meditation via headspace or soundstrue? It helps to put thoughts at the periphery of our minds. I find distraction outside, connection with others helpful. Do you have family and friends/ go to toddlers etc at all- Its ok if you don't, just wondering.
On this thread we understand how anxiety makes you feel , sometimes we don't post if we are having a bad day, but please post and join in .

@Aintgotnosoapbox Never heard of sleep hygiene, I've just googled it. Thought it was your way of saying how dirty a weighted blanket would be 

@Naomi2007 Hello. Glad you found this thread, I joined it recently and I'm enjoying speaking to everyone on here. It's nice to pop in and see how everyone is doing.
I've had anxiety for just over 2 years. It started when my DD was 7 months old. It was horrific to begin with. Dizzy and hot when shopping, foggy head all the time, having to strain my eyes to concentrate on feeding DD. I'd go to bed as early as I could every night, to feel safe. I hated the dark in the evenings, couldn't turn the bathroom light on at night as it set me off into a panic episode. I'd feel shakey when I woke in the night, feeling freezing cold, even though I wasn't. I'd take my daughter on the same walk every day, along the edge of the coast and a golf course. I picked it purely as I was convinced that I would die, and at least a golfer would notice, so my DD wouldn't be alone for long and that someone would help her. I got through each day, it became about survival. I didn't look forward to anything. I had some hypnotherapy sessions, and the lady asked me to picture a happy memory and describe it, and I couldn't come up with anything. That makes me feel so sad when looking back on it.

But I've done a few things to help me get to where am I today. I still have anxiety, it gets the better of me sometimes, but I've progressed from where I was.

I found a lady on twitter who suffers from anxiety, and she came up with #ogtad - one good thing a day. She focussed on a small thing each day. So I began to think like that. Today, it would be hearing DD reciting Twinkle Twinkle... to me, and us reading 9 books. Not that she wouldn't let me feed her, that she bit me, that my husband spilt coffee in the hall, that I had to battle DD into the trolley, or that we've only been to Waitrose, as my anxiety is up, and that I couldn't face anything else.
Other little things could be dancing with my DD, singing, going on a train. They're little things that for me through and made me focus on what's important.

Self care is so important - having a break from baby to have a bath, watch a DVD, or meet a friend.

I realise that my post is getting super long, but I wanted to say, keep going. Do what you need to do to get through the week, then see if you can do something a little different, only when you feel up for it. You're not a bad Mum, you're a Mum doing her best, when you're also struggling through lots of things. I sometimes feel guilty that we don't go out that much - some Mums do 3 activities a day, whereas we might do shopping in the morning, and then the beach in the afternoon. But we read at home, I used to read DD 20 books when we stayed in due to my anxiety. DD missed out on some things, but we did other things instead. Be kind to yourself.

Best wishes xxxx

I'll post later about sleep hygiene, that's what I lost yesterday - am going to work in a bit.