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The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

896 replies

Aintgotnosoapbox · 14/07/2017 00:39

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

OP posts:
velmadinkly · 16/10/2017 17:17

Fits = flits

velmadinkly · 16/10/2017 17:18

Flipping heck my auto correct has gone mad today! They should day Aint I'll join you.

MarriedAroundChristmas · 16/10/2017 17:19

Hello everyone.

I had anxiety last night in bed, and then my foggy head and general feeling-on-edge was here earlier. Had to control myself to drive, it was awful. What brought my anxiety on? The sky was a funny colour today (the sun was burning orange and with low cloud, it was like a yellow outside light). And when I walked out of Waitrose, anxiety hit instantly. It sounds so silly, but I know it set me off.
Going to "get through the rest of the day", do what I can, but hopefully go to bed early.

Best wishes to everyone else having a difficult time at the minute. If we got through it last time, we will this time too.

catsanddogsfightless · 16/10/2017 17:50

This strange sunlight we have today in London is really affecting my calmness too. It feels wrong and odd and disconcerting.

I feel sensitive to light and when it gets dusky and then get dark i don't like the sensation the day is finished. I often feel like I've not achieved anything even though I actually have. So i remind myself that today I have got out of bed, washed, dressed, driven to work, worked on files and matters that needed attention, talked to colleagues and had a tasty sandwich for lunch. I try to focus on the little things like I tidied up my desk before I went home stuff like that. I DO feel like i need to control things because I could not control or get a grip on my fertility. I don't handwash or anything like that. I DO however tidy and re-tidy the same items over and over in my kitchen and my desk at work. It is procrastination or something more. How do you self-refer? My DH probably thinks i am untidy but I like to keep items close to hand even though I could put them away. It is like a comfort thing. I have bought myself a soft fleecy throw for my side of the bed because i like to swirl my fingers in the fleecy fibres. I find it is like stroking my cat only i can do it until I fall asleep. the cat would want to roam around the house at night and can't be trusted not to vomit his food in a corner! he is old and sometime eats too quickly. I also put off going home as I sometime can't face the drive home. I actually can't explain why though. I have been driving a really long time and I'm not scared of driving. It feels like I don't have the concentration span to collect my belongings together and actually lock up the building and leave. I see that I put off a lot of tasks which might actually be fun. I am sapping my own life/energy.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 16/10/2017 19:18

Haha , don't might fit my description at the moment, or won't! That's great news thanks Velma . I'm still panicking over packing but will be meditating soon

Am reading all posts with are and will be back after my bath which has been run for about an hour !!

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velmadinkly · 17/10/2017 07:35

I know I'm spouting Dr Weekes, but she does say the shock of light can set off anxiety, so the strange sun yesterday could fit the bill.

I woke up calm today and realised I'd been awake a good 10 minutes before I even thought or recognised how I felt. I think reading the book has comforted me because firstly it explains that how my anxiety acts out (the intrusive thought) is normal and indeed the thought I get is extremely normal, and secondly, it explains how you get to the stage of anxiety and the symptoms that can be presented at each stage, so I now don't fear the all of a sudden out of nowhere flipping stomach and general feeling of dread and fear, thats just my tired nerves telling me they are tired.

Aint, I didnt get round to meditating yesterday because I was too comfortable watching trash tv and I then realised I was tired so I went to bed at 9.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 17/10/2017 17:17

I listened to headspace in the bath that's all I managed! I am in work today but aiming gut meditation tomorrow

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velmadinkly · 17/10/2017 21:30

Did my 20 mins mindful breathing meditation and my OCD app. Early to bed again.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 17/10/2017 21:40

Hi. I'm having a bit of a confidence crisis. I'm fed up of going to work, wish I could leave. But it's complicated and not a normal job. I feel like I have from nowhere gone into a real spiral down.

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MarriedAroundChristmas · 17/10/2017 21:57

@Aintgotnosoapbox Hello. Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time. I'm not sure what to say, but maybe try and get some sleep, and you can think over things again in the morning. I'm not saying you won't feel the same in the morning, but maybe it won't seem quite the spiral that it does tonight? I haven't made myself very clear Confused
I hope you manage to get some rest.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/10/2017 00:03

Thankyou married

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MarriedAroundChristmas · 18/10/2017 06:40

@Aintgotnosoapbox How are you feeling this morning?

Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/10/2017 09:54

Hi married. Went out early to take some on trip just back.
I am feeling conflicted and discouraged. I want to give up my ( very good) job, but also know this could be avoiding as a coping mechanism, also know that it feels as if all my self worth rests on if I do or don't continue in the work. It would be a very bad career move as I am on a path to gain a very good training higher qualification. But there are many new challenges ahead of me and I feel discouraged, like I can't do it, don't want to constantly have to live in strain of pushing myself.
My options are continue, take time off sick or out, drop out.
I am feeling like I need support, wondering where I can get it from.,
Underneath all that I feel a bit rubbish with anxiety, low. But probably slightly better than last night as I am tired and a bit ill at the moment.

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velmadinkly · 18/10/2017 15:09

aint don't think of long term, break everything down step by step.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/10/2017 17:36

I'll try Velma. Thanks.
Yeah I've had a pretty bad day full of conflict about how I feel, what I want to do, everything really. Can't motivate myself to do anything or to look forwards. Am trying to self care but I am just in an anxious , dread feeling slump.
How is everyone else today?

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Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/10/2017 17:53

Ok step one: what do I need to do now? Have a bath
and
decide if I am up to going to my hobby this evening ( which I keep missing due to lifts for ds) . That's two, but it's a start ;-)

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LoveMySituation · 18/10/2017 18:31

Ain't, I would try and go to your hobby tonight. Just something different could change how you feel, and it's for you, and you only. A change of scenery also. I've had a bad day too, just trying to relax a bit, forget it, and look forward to Emmerdale Grin I would bet that once you are there, you'll be glad you went. Good luck

velmadinkly · 18/10/2017 19:50

aint did you go? I echo everything love said in their post.

I've had another good day, but Wednesday is my busiest day and towards the end of the day I could feel myself flagging and the anxiety starting to creep in. I was meant to dry to our nearest la4ge town to buy some shoes using a voucher, but I just haven't got it in me so I'll keep the voucher and order them online for delivery tomorrow.
I've just finished the 20mins mindful breathing meditation and the OCD app.
I hope everyone has a good evening, I'm going to continue with the early nights because it is extremely apparent that even slight tiredness does not help me in any way.

velmadinkly · 18/10/2017 19:53

Oh and aint advice I got from my DH, 'the decision you make now is the right decision'
I too find I can wrap myself in knots trying to decide on what to do or what's best, so i try and work with his advice as much as possible.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/10/2017 19:58

Thanks Velma. No I haven't gone and now it's too late. Tomorrow is my busiest day and am worried about being tired. Also need to call ds later he leaves fir trip tomorrow.
But I love my hobby it's very relaxing. Wish I could get some air,might pop outside in the dark.

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MarriedAroundChristmas · 18/10/2017 20:03

@Aintgotnosoapbox Hope you're doing okay this evening. Fresh air would be good, even just 5 minutes.

I agree with another post, sleep for me is so important. I never seem to wake feeling refreshed, but I quickly see my anxiety increase if I stay up too late.

Hope everyone is having a nice evening. I'm currently trying to get DD to sleep, so my evening is yet to start. Nearly there!!

Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/10/2017 20:20

Thank you, that's kind of you. I managed to cook a veggie casserole so having some now, and might pop out for short walk in the garden like a late night madwoman :)
Hope you get dd to sleep easily
Velma think I'll go up to bed after going in the garden, and listen to a meditation up there. I am doing a compassionate one and self esteem one. Maybe I'll do a mindful walk in the garden
💕 🙏🏻 ❤️

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Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/10/2017 21:02

Hiking boots on

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velmadinkly · 18/10/2017 21:25

aint good for you. I've just come up to bed. I'm going to read for a bit and hopefully be ready to sleep before 10.

Aintgotnosoapbox · 18/10/2017 21:45

Just had a little wander in the very dark garden - we live in the sticks. Pitch black.
Yes Im going up soon

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