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Original poster

people telling me Dd needs to be sectioned

196 replies

BananaJam11 · 14/05/2017 17:00

Dd is 15 and I can't say she's a saint but I'm fed up with people telling me she needs to be sectioned.

We've been through and unsuccessful camhs referral and various other unsuccessful referrals.

She refused to talk about how she feels to anyone but I know she's hurting. She self harms,shares posts about suicide.

She's ran out the house at silly hours of the day/night which caused a neighbour to say 'that girl of yours needs to be put in hospital'. She's attacked family members who then tell me she needs to be sectioned. Even friends have said she's 'crazy'.
She has these breakdowns where she will cry,shake,scream,harm herself ,I've tried different gp and speaking to the school who aren't very supportive. I know it's not alright but these people are in no position to tell me my Dd is crazy. It's exhausting for me too.
She needs counselling not a section.

I'm sorry for the long post . I just needed to vent SadBlush

OP posts:
IloveBanff · 14/05/2017 18:43

The trouble is so many people regard mental hospitals as if they're something terrifying like from a horror film, when in fact, IME it was somewhere where I was safe and cared for and helped. The very opposite of scary.

FreeNiki · 14/05/2017 18:43

She's attacked family members who then tell me she needs to be sectioned.

If a family member assaulted me they'd be in a cell. Id call the police.

How are you going to deal with her then if nothing works.

FreeNiki · 14/05/2017 18:45

Just be careful OP if she attacks one more family member they may do something about it

She needs help maybe an admission would help her.

podstick · 14/05/2017 18:54

My dd was sectioned last year after a serious suicide attempt and absconding from ICU. She was in hospital for 7 months and made some progress but was adamant that she didn't want to talk to anyone the entire time. I know she needs counselling but when she refuses to attend or participate it is impossible to force her.

I know it sounds awful but the time she spent in hospital was probably better for me than for her. It gave me time to connect with other parents and regain some elasticity in my outlook.

Sectioned does not mean crazy and it's not something you or your neighbour can ask for. If the doctors think it's necessary it will be taken out of your hands completely.

It's hard enough to deal with a troubled teen without worrying what people think. I would try and find a group of people going through similar things and get some support for yourself because this is one of those things that people really don't get unless they have been there.

Sorry for rambling and hope things improve for you both

DreamilyLookingOutOfTheWindow · 14/05/2017 19:01

I am glad to see you are going to the GP tomorrow OP.I think you are doing the right thing.

I don't think that your family are saying this because they are trying to hurt you, they are being honest, something urgent does need to be done - good luck hun

Original poster
BananaJam11 · 14/05/2017 19:05

Thank you everyone

OP posts:
user1493022461 · 14/05/2017 19:07

She absolutely sounds like she should probably be sectioned. She is a danger to herself and others, and would be the quickest route to the help she obviously needs.

brasty · 14/05/2017 19:10

User, I ma not being unkind here, but it honestly sounds like you know nothing about this. Families talk in despair about how they can not get their family member sectioned when it is much worse than is posted here.
However it does depend very much on where you live. If there are few beds where you live, an attempted suicide alone will not get you sectioned. If there is better provision of beds where you live, then being assessed at serious risk of suicide may get you sectioned.

erinaceus · 14/05/2017 19:20

she lashed out at me this morning for giving her a hug and punched a hole in the wall which is what made me post this.

This is the sort of information you need to tell the GP. Do you feel able to do that? Will your DD go to the appointment with the GP with you?

I agree with a previous poster that a MH professional would be better placed to determine the best course of action than you (i.e. whether she needs counselling, admitting to hospital, sectioning, or something else); MH professionals also have the advantage of knowing what is possible and what is not. However, in order to make an informed decision they need information from you to be passed to them.

If your DD ends up on a section, that is not the end of the world. It's pretty shit, but there are worse things that could happen.

Flowers to you and to your DD as well.

imip · 14/05/2017 19:21

Op, has she always acted like this, or is it a recent thing?

I have a dd8 with lots of involvement with CAHMS and self harms. I understand how tough it is. Flowers

Beerwench · 14/05/2017 19:22

I'm sorry you're both going through this OP.

Your dd sounds very similar to myself. If it makes any sense I used to lie about how I felt so the professionals didn't really have anything to go on, so I was free to carry on without intervention because as traumatic as it was, I was scared of 'opening the box' and changing my behaviour because it was all I knew. Not logical, but then mental illness rarely is! I was intelligent enough to know what to say and what not to say to manipulate what outcome I wanted.
It was only laid in a hospital bed after losing the plot again and being brought to the hospital by the police for treatment for a suicide attempt (another one) I started to see things differently. Basically the medical staff told me I needed psychiatric inpatient treatment and I point blank refused, a police sergeant then came in and his words were along the lines of ' you've got form for this, and I have a duty to protect you. Either go in voluntarily or I will add my weight to the section they're arranging out there, they need certain people to agree, myself and the doctors are those people, you are not. If you agree to go I'll tell them you don't need a section, if you don't agree to go, I'll push for 28 days'

It was enough, I went voluntarily and I honestly think it saved my life, it was the turning point for me. I got emergency intervention with no choice, they listened to me but I had to take my meds, so I really had no where to hide because my manipulation ceased to work.

I would hope the people saying she needs sectioning are doing so with that kind of knowledge - that it honestly will help her, but I get that in all probability they're not. I'm sorry OP, I always wish I could help more in situations like this.

Original poster
BananaJam11 · 14/05/2017 19:22

Thank you. She refuses to see the gp and go to any appointments now because she says they're a waste of time and that she's fine.

OP posts:
YellowCrocus · 14/05/2017 19:25

I don't have any advice to give but I'm sorry you are all going through such a tough time. I hope your daughter gets the help she needs.

Original poster
BananaJam11 · 14/05/2017 19:25

She started self harming in other ways like banging herself against the wall when she was younger and it escalated to self harm around 11 . It got a lot worse last year and she's cutting herself multiple times a day now,the angry outbursts are becoming more frequent as well the the breakdowns.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 14/05/2017 19:31

I was scared of 'opening the box' and changing my behaviour because it was all I knew

It was 20 years before I was diagnosed with depression. In a way, it all hurt too much to be treated. It took time to get to the stage where I had enough distance from the causes (childhood bullying) to be able to accept help. Otherwise I held things together in public most of the time and faked it until the strength ran out to keep faking and I admitted I needed help.

I second the suggestion to contact MH charities OP. Talk to other people who've been through similar who may be able to think of ways of encouraging your DD to accept she needs help. If she had a physical illness causing her this much pain she'd get help. Maybe if she sees it like that?

imip · 14/05/2017 19:32

Hmm, ok, anything else of note?

I'm always hesitant to mention this, but feel it's may be helpful to ask if you've ever considered ASD? It's the self harm that makes me think of it, and the explosion. Her reaction to you touching her, my dd would do that. 11 wouldn't be an unusual age to find this becomes more obvious.

Girls are often diagnosed with mental health problems when ASD is the cause. I don't know if you've considered this, but it might be worth doing a search on girls and autism to see if anything resonates. I could be completely wrong, but just wanted to highlight it.

There is also a child mental health section here, it may be more helpful. aIBU can sometimes be not such a supportive place to post Flowers

Original poster
BananaJam11 · 14/05/2017 19:35

Thank you . I'm new to mumsnet so wasn't too sure where to post just knew aibu is popular .

Are there any charities in particular that are good ?

I haven't ever considered ASD and don't know much about it so I will look into it.

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
BananaJam11 · 14/05/2017 19:36

Thank you . I'm new to mumsnet so wasn't too sure where to post just knew aibu is popular .

Are there any charities in particular that are good ?

I haven't ever considered ASD and don't know much about it so I will look into it.

Thank you

OP posts:
imip · 14/05/2017 19:40

Tony Atwood and Tania Marshall are good people to google.

messofajess · 14/05/2017 19:44

Are you in the UK?

If so - I found being in hospital wasn't a help at all, you don't really see any doctors or get any proper help - it is more of a place where you go to detox from drugs or to be watch for suicide. If you are worried to ever leave her alone then she should be put in hospital.

However what I did find extremely helpful was the Home Treatment Teams. You can google their contact details in each Borough.

I know that it took my little sister (15 at the time) 3 times at Cahms until she got help and she sounds very similar to your DD.

These things can be so difficult and I'm sorry your family is going through this. You have to be resilient until you can get her some help and keep your head high and your heart strong.

Gabilan · 14/05/2017 19:47

Rethink Mental Illness is good, OP. I'm sure there are others as well.

imip · 14/05/2017 19:49

youngminds.org.uk

Sorry on phone and can't do a proper link

Graphista · 14/05/2017 19:54

Op I have to say your posts are ringing alarm bells for me. The not saying what's wrong especially.

Think back to when this all started - who came into or left her life at this point ? Because honestly that sounds like she's been bullied or abused.

This is coming from a csa survivor with several mh issues.

She needs help, she is non verbally crying out for it. And when things are this bad more than counselling is needed.

When a mental illness is really bad it usually takes a combination of

Engagement from the patient
Support from friends and family
Appropriate type and dose of Meds (very tricky to work out)
Counselling of the right kind with the right therapist.

None of which are necessarily easy to achieve/find.

Having inpatient treatment might be exactly what she needs.

muffinbluffer · 14/05/2017 19:54

It does seem to be such a post code lottery....messofajess I found the home crisis team worse than useless in my borough...they seemed to be trained in nothing more than box ticking, were at a complete loss and I had better understanding of what was going on with me than them....I am in specialist trauma treatment now and it is light years ahead...

erinaceus · 14/05/2017 19:57

Hi BananaJam11

If your DD refuses to go to the appointments with you, there are still things that you can do. My story is not that dissimilar to that of Beerwench nor your DD. I am not a parent, and you'd have to ask my parents how the whole situation looked to them, but my understanding is that my parents went to some lengths to get me the help that they felt I needed, and this involved letting the professionals involved in my care know how my behaviour was affecting them as parents. It was hard for all of us, and we are all still here. These things can be gotten through. It can be bewildering though.

If you are concerned that your DD will harm you or her imminently, you could call the police (if you feel threatened by her - it sounds extreme, but can happen and does happen) or ambulance services, or take her to A&E if she will go with you. If you feel concerned that she might do something impulsive, can you keep her with you? Does she talk to you about her suicidal feelings?

Sending Flowers to you and your DD.