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Original poster

Help! Breakdown, homelessness teen daughter.

298 replies

Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 19:15

I am experiencing another breakdown. I have called crisis team and they are seeing me tomorrow can't see me earlier.

I'm scared. I may be going into hospital which I haven't before. I don't know what this entails.

My daughter has nowhere to go she is 16. We are a tight unit and have been let down by almost everyone else. Her father hasn't seen her in 5 years. But I suspect that's what everyone will tell us to do. He lives hundreds of miles away so it would mean her leaving school and friends and all she knows and me and I am scared he will turn her against me and I'll never see her again, never have the relationship with her I have now which frankly is the only good thing in my life.

She is an amazing person and doesn't deserve to have to deal with any of this.

I can't stop crying, shaking, can barely breathe.

Can anyone tell me what hospital is like (for mh reasons) what would I be allowed to take in/not allowed as I cannot be without my phone as I cannot be out of touch with my girl.

Can anyone please advise or help? I'm drowning here

OP posts:
Adarajames · 16/04/2017 01:13

To a teen any adult / friends parent is odd, so try not to guilt yourself further over that Smile

You wouldn't feel guilty and like you were letting your daughter down if you were rushed into hospital with appendicitis or a heart attack would you, and being mentally ill is no more your own fault than either of those, so hopefully you can be a bit kinder and less judgemental towards yourself. I hope the new Drs information will help get things moving in the right direction in terms of support for both you and your daughter

UnbornMortificado · 16/04/2017 10:06

Hope you got a better nights sleep V.

It's sad there is still a stigma, I've always been happy talking about my issues but like NoLonger says as well I'm more mindful when talking about DH's.

NolongerAnxiousCarer · 16/04/2017 13:08

Adara makes a good point v.

I can appreciate you being mindful ofthe impact of stigma on DD though. Kids can be cruel, she will know who she trusts to discuss things with.

I'm so glad they are acknowledging the support you need now. It upsets me how bad things have to get before you become a priority for MH services. Have they got a plan in place to help you move forward now?

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 16/04/2017 16:45

No plan in place as yet as not open till tue.

I know what you mean about if it was a physical illness, but I think I kind of just feel guilty anyway, all the time.

Dd adores bffs mum but they have no room. Bff is lovely as is her mum and even though I'm not super close to them they have been emotionally supportive which is kind.

I don't like being critical of the mh people but yes it's frustrating to get to a crisis point before getting the help I been asking for since Nov.

But we are where we are.

OP posts:
UnbornMortificado · 16/04/2017 18:12

V I worked for them and I'm still critical. My area isn't too bad but I've read some truly crap stuff about them on here.

MH issues affect 1/10 people, there just isn't the funding or resources to help everyone that needs helping.

I'm doing care now, I can't go into specifics (rightly) but MH still seems to be low priority when it comes to funding. There's people needing more help then they are getting, it's not at all fair.

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 16/04/2017 18:30

Mh has always been underfunded. Look where we are now its 2017 and all the technology and knowledge we have and still so many people - even those of us with mental illness - see it as at least partially the patients fault. Now that is insane!

I don't see it as the fault of those workers on the front line. As I know they're mostly just doing the best they can with limited resources.

Although I do get a bit annoyed when they tell me how hard it is cos that's not my fault and not my problem or responsibility.

But the cuts are affecting everyone. I've a friend been waiting ages for physio following an accident.

OP posts:
NolongerAnxiousCarer · 16/04/2017 22:14

To be fair once we got help DHs team have been AMAZING I just wish it hadn't taken us loosing everything to get them. I really hope you get the same sort of help.

Hows things going in the hotel?

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 16/04/2017 22:42

I hope so too.

Hotel is fine but obviously a very short term solution. Dreading tomorrow as will need to start preparing to sort it all out which is scary.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 16/04/2017 22:46

Hope I manage to find people on Cmht who know how to help. Or who are willing and a bit - can't think of word - a bit gutsy enough to push others to help us? Or who can think of which agencies may be able to help?

Sorry that's quite muddled.

OP posts:
NolongerAnxiousCarer · 17/04/2017 11:23

I hope so too. I know that the coucil has a responsibility to house people with MH problems, particlarly if they are actively unwell. I would ask cmht to come to housing office with you to help as a priority. Wiould you be able to get to housing office yourself? As its probably worth getting there early Tues to start the ball rolling. (DH was kicked back out on the streets the first night as they had nowhere available, got put in a B&b from the second day of waiting. That was before MH team got involved) Once his CPN got involved they suddenly found him a temporary flat, which he was in for a week before they found him a perminant flat. There is a bidding system for flats online and then they go to the person with the highest priority. His CPN got him moved from low priority to high. They was also able to refer him to the local food bank and to a charity that provided basic furnishings/cooking eqipment to those who had been homeless. He also got him a sick note which ment that he got ESA whilst recovering and getting back on his feet. The CPN said he'd not done any of this before, but was able to access a lot. Keep pushing for support from them for getting the basics inplace as your priority.

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 17/04/2017 14:09

Yea I'm worried/scared they won't push hard enough for us. Not heard anything for couple days. Not sure if I can cope going to housing office but there's a number for them too. But it seems it's luck of the draw of you get someone who's assertive/knows who to ask in terms of other agencies for help.

I'm really dreading tomorrow. Even though it means everything open again it also means I've got to deal with it all again whereas yesterday and today I've kinda been allowed even told to rest and not think/worry about it.

OP posts:
NolongerAnxiousCarer · 17/04/2017 14:20

Yeah I can understand that. If you get someone who doesn't know then its their responsibility to find out. Getting a roof over your heads again needs to be a top priority as part of stabilising your mental health.

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 17/04/2017 14:33

I may borrow that phrasing tomorrow thanks. Good way of putting it. Especially if I butt up against another one who thinks it's nothing to do with them.

OP posts:
Cantchooseaname · 17/04/2017 19:40

Hope you manage to face tomorrow, and getting somewhere to stay is a step closer to being well again.

NolongerAnxiousCarer · 17/04/2017 22:00

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs

point them in the direction of Maslows heirachy of needs if they think your housings nothing to do with you mental health. I get that housing is not their direct responsibility. But I thought that anything that was impacting on your MH was relavent to them, so helping you get housing seems to fall into their remit in that respect.

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 17/04/2017 23:21

I am really dreading tomorrow. Feel sick at thought. Feels like it's gonna be frantic. Lots of phone calls etc going God knows where to see God knows who.

And not knowing what they're gonna say if they're gonna help...

OP posts:
Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 17/04/2017 23:23

That's a good link.

Again thanks for the support.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 17/04/2017 23:25

Sorry I've been off this thread for a while but just stopping by for a quick handhold. Hope you get a gutsy stubborn one tomorrow who sees how much you need support and puts in place all the help you and DD need. Flowers
One step at a time OP.

Wallywobbles · 17/04/2017 23:28

If you asked me I'd be fine with this. One extra body with her head on straight would be no trouble. Just ask her friends parents.

When my mum was sick I lived with 2 families (aged 5-7). It worked fine. Really no one minded and I never felt like a burden.

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 17/04/2017 23:38

I hope so wolfie I'm so nervous.

Wally I had hoped so but friends parents know now and haven't given any indication of providing support behind emotional.

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 17/04/2017 23:55

That's a real shame. Both families that took me in were big families and I guess 1 more is different in those circumstances. We have 4 so one more makes no odds to us.

Would she be able to have a flat of her own? Don't know if it's even a possibility now? With a guarantor? Sorry no longer uk so don't know. Then maybe go to friends at weekends? Do you think you are still going to be hospitalized?

Apologies for a million questions.

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 18/04/2017 00:43

Doesn't look like I'll be hospitalised. Daughter living on her own has been discussed but not considered ideal. She's mature in some ways and not in others.

Don't worry about lots of questions my mind whirring anyway.

OP posts:
Adarajames · 18/04/2017 00:43

Dis you mention where you were based op? Could maybe a mnetter help / offer local suggestions?

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 18/04/2017 00:47

Extremely identifying adarajames very small low population area everyone knows everyone. It's scary who knows who

OP posts:
giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 18/04/2017 01:09

Hope you can get some sleep