Help! Breakdown, homelessness teen daughter.

[Vstressedtenant]

I am experiencing another breakdown. I have called crisis team and they are seeing me tomorrow can't see me earlier.

I'm scared. I may be going into hospital which I haven't before. I don't know what this entails.

My daughter has nowhere to go she is 16. We are a tight unit and have been let down by almost everyone else. Her father hasn't seen her in 5 years. But I suspect that's what everyone will tell us to do. He lives hundreds of miles away so it would mean her leaving school and friends and all she knows and me and I am scared he will turn her against me and I'll never see her again, never have the relationship with her I have now which frankly is the only good thing in my life.

She is an amazing person and doesn't deserve to have to deal with any of this.

I can't stop crying, shaking, can barely breathe.

Can anyone tell me what hospital is like (for mh reasons) what would I be allowed to take in/not allowed as I cannot be without my phone as I cannot be out of touch with my girl.

Can anyone please advise or help? I'm drowning here

Thats really poor that you've not been allocated another CPN even on a temporary basis. Hopefully this Dr will have given them a kick up the bum, and they will sort something soon for you. Do you have amy plans about the next step from the hotel? Have you been in contact with the housing office? Your mental illness should increade your priority for housing. It did for DH anyway.

stressed why are you in a hotel?
Am I right in thinking you haven't been evicted but you just don't feel able to go back to the flat?
Your daughter is certainly entitled to a social care assessment and possibly accommodation (it wouldn't be a homeless hostel rather a young people's hostel if not foster are) although if she insisted she wanted to stay at home in the flat they wouldn't be able to make her leave without a court order, which they would be unlikely to apply for (unless the home conditions present a serious risk to her health)

Locum knew meds ok.

Nolonger yes I think it's pretty poor too. I keep being asked if I've asked for help I been asking since Nov!

Had 4 cpns since then

Yes I'm hoping this is kick they need too

Gallavich Thanks for info/advice do you have experience/knowledge in this area then?

Definitely neither of us can go back to flat. Me health, but also LL now knows and naturally very unhappy. I've royally screwed up and feel totally ashamed and useless!

I cannot let anything like this happen ever again. But I cannot see how to keep well/avoid without a lot of help and I don't think I'm very good at asking/showing how much help I need.

Think I come across quite 'blank' usually (although I wasn't with locum last night proper shaking snotty sobbing how pathetic is that?). Both mum and daughter say I can appear quite well to others when They know I am far from well but they can tell more easily because they know me.

Once cmht get in touch, explain the housing situation is your main priority and ask for help with this. I'm thinking you can't afford to stay in the hotel for long? So you need a more sustainable solution. I think it sounds like having them on board with the housing office will be very important if this is the route you go down. The standard line from housing in a lot of areas is that if you are considered to have made yourself homeless (anything less than being removed by balifs) you go to the bottom of the list. So evidence of your MH needs will be vital. As someone in a MH crisis you are very high on the housing priority list. So don't let them fob you off. It does help to have proffessionals on board who can fight your corner though, as when we are ill its so hard to fight for things.

I've been saying to Cmht for ages I need their support re housing they keep saying that's nothing to do with them. I'm wondering if GP might be more help but it's no guarantee.

No can't afford hotel for long.

What kind of housing help do you need?
Do you get PIP or a personal budget?
If it's a matter of clearing the house and keeping it clean then you would be expected to pay for that from your income.
If you want to be moved that's just not going to happen while you have a tenancy.
It's really not ok to move your dd into a hotel away from her home like this. I understand you're afraid of going back but that's your home and also your responsibility until the tenancy has ended.

I need help to find somewhere else to live at the moment. I also need help to cope as a tenant with managing the property plus daily living. I've not been switched into pip yet which I am dreading. A relative who is bed ridden was initially rejected. And that's a clear physical disability.

Also where I live is going over to universal credit.

Have agreed a compromise regarding this place.

I understand what you're saying gallavich and believe me I am beating myself up every minute for how much I've screwed up.

I have been speaking to more mh people today and mum and agreed (without having to be told to) that I need to accept whatever help from whatever agencies is available. Far from rejecting that help I've been asking for it for several months. Hoping I get that help now more for my daughters sake than mine I know I don't deserve it.

Gallavich has raised a point that I typed out but deleted before I posted last night - if the tenancy has not ended or has a long notice period then you'll be liable for the rent And it would look like you had made yourself intentionally homeless unless the LL had asked you to leave (which I don't think they did)? So could you go back? I know you don't want to (possibly because of the phobia) but it would be good for your DD to have the home she knows - what have you agreed with the LL?

What help have you been offered (if any) today?

Ok, but how are you going to find somewhere else to live?
You're liable for the rent on your current place. You will have a notice period to see out whether you serve it or the landlord does. If you claim housing benefit you will not be able to claim for two properties simultaneously.
You're not in work and therefore will find it difficult to find a private landlord. I'm not trying to be harsh but I think you want help with something that is not possible to achieve and also not in your interests or your daughter's.
You need to get help to manage the fear and go back to the house. You and your daughter and any other family members need to work on tacking the home conditions.
I suggest that you contact children's social work services and tell them that your daughter needs a social care assessment because you're struggling to provide her with suitable housing at the moment. They may be able to refer you to an early help service who could support with the practical issues.
You can't just walk away from that property and move to a new one. In every respect, that's not possible or suitable.

The issues with your housing and your mental health seem to be intrinsicly linked. Your MH issues are making you homeless and your homelessness is making your MH worse. It might not have seemed part of their role invthe past but right now its a key part of your crisis, so very much within their remit. Either by helping you to find a way back to your current home or helping you find a new one.

Theres something in psychology called hirachy of need which basicly says that you have to have your basic needs (food, water, shelter) met before you can address any other issues.

DH became homeless during a psychotic crisis a few years ago was in a hostel with crisis team looking after him, there was a social worker on crisis team that was involved too. (The hostel didn't allow people visitors in their rooms and accused DH or her being a prostitute 😂) When he got a CPN allocated the first priorities were getting him 1. Meds 2.food from food bank 3. Housing, he even got him a cooker, fridge and kitchen utensils through a charity. Once he had got him stable in a home he started to look at the more traditional MH issues.

Was the fact that the landlord was updating the central heating the catalyst for you moving out of the flat, op? Why can't you go back when the workmen are finished?
It sounds as if your current crisis is all tied in with the flat, but it was alright until the workmen came, is that right?

Tenancy has ended. Agreement reached but very unusual so would rather not say what it is.

Help offered today is emotional support from crisis team if I call if needed. They discussed what needs to happen now and had some ideas.

I can only deal with where I am now. Authorities know situation and I will as I said accept and engage with help from whichever agencies for my daughter and myself. If I lose my daughter to care because that's what is best for her it is what needs to happen. It will break my heart but if that is what's neceesary then I have no choice. I don't desert her anyway.

I think that the Cmht will cover all angles anyway.

I need help to manage day to day life and I don't think either I or Cmht or other mental health workers realised that until now. Last nights dr asked some very insightful questions and I hope that means progress can be made.

I will do all I can to ensure this doesn't happen again but I do need support. My thinking is far too muddled to be without help even when I'm kind of well.

Nolongeranxious thank you for 'getting it' sorry to others if I am not making sense. It is a vicious cycle. Though this is worst it's got.

Flogginhmolly you're right. I couldn't cope with the disruption and mess and strangers (I'm very nervous of strange men in particular for which I have my own reasons).

Hard to explain - wouldn't have trusted or felt safe there again

I always think its easy to fuck up but harder to admit it and deal with the aftermath.

Are those meds you were given yesterday helping? How's today going?

Yes I find it too easy to fuck up even though I try to avoid it!

They are helping a little. Not a sobbing hyperventilating mess any more. But stomach and chest still tight.

It can happen to the best of us, I could write a book on mine.

Just remember the tightness won't last forever they will get you sorted out. Usually the meds they g

Sorry

Normally the meds they give out will help with sleep too. Hopefully a good nights sleep instead of just a few hours might help.

I'd love a good nights sleep. Feeling kinda dozy but not actually sleepy.

Ah yes I could write a book too only nobody would believe it! Not just on fucking up but how I ended up here! Triggers yea but the whole background is so complicated and over my entire life.

I possibly get it more than most DH and I moved 10 times in 5 years due to his MH including being homeless twice. It wasn't until the second time where he was very obviously psychotic that he finally got a diagnosis and the help and support he needed. Life has changed immesurably for the better since then.

We dont have DC yet but I've been assured by CPNs that SS can offer a huge ammount of support to parents with MH problems and their kids. I'm sure they will do their best to support you and DD in staying together, especially as she is so clearly your number 1 priority. They may also be able to get her additional support, in coping with the challenges of your illness. I've had a huge ammount of support from DHs MH team.

If I could write a book of our story without breaking DHs confidentiality I would. I think the last 10 years would make pretty interesting reading lol!

I'm sure it would be very interesting and instructive.

I'm so glad you and dh getting the support needed. Psychosis is unlikely with my stuff but never count chickens of course. I know people who've been very ill then become amazing parents. Maybe because of having been through so much themselves? So a good understanding of the harder to deal with negative emotions plus anyone that's had a serious illness mental or physical I've found it sort of adjusts your priorities?

Before I became ill I was high achieving had almost always been in work or education except for when dd very little and was lucky with my health. When it all came crashing down it was a massive shock. I'd always been the coper the strong one who kept it all together.

I don't want to be separated from dd and she keeps saying she doesn't want to be separated from me.

Confidentiality is an issue. I don't care what people know about me stuff it though it's taken me time to get there. But I'm aware of the stigma and there is still a stigma affecting dd or mum or others who've been kind or would be embarrassed. Certain relatives are of the don't believe in mental illness or think it's a character weakness type which is sad.

I'm not suggesting psychosis is in issue for you, thats just what led to DH and I having housing problems.

DDs old enough to have a say in what happens, I'm sure they will do their best to keep you together.

I get what you mean about stigma, It's improving but it's still a problem. I'm very open about my own MH problems because I think the more we talk about them the less taboo they will become, but I'm mindful of DHs right to privacy and obviously its his choice who he tells about his own problems.

No I know you weren't suggesting that, I just meant that's not the direction I tend to go.

I hope they listen to dd.

I'm pretty open about mine with my friends and family but for dd being a teen is hard enough without having people being horrible because her mum is 'odd' I wouldn't want to embarrass her.