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Original poster

Help! Breakdown, homelessness teen daughter.

298 replies

Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 19:15

I am experiencing another breakdown. I have called crisis team and they are seeing me tomorrow can't see me earlier.

I'm scared. I may be going into hospital which I haven't before. I don't know what this entails.

My daughter has nowhere to go she is 16. We are a tight unit and have been let down by almost everyone else. Her father hasn't seen her in 5 years. But I suspect that's what everyone will tell us to do. He lives hundreds of miles away so it would mean her leaving school and friends and all she knows and me and I am scared he will turn her against me and I'll never see her again, never have the relationship with her I have now which frankly is the only good thing in my life.

She is an amazing person and doesn't deserve to have to deal with any of this.

I can't stop crying, shaking, can barely breathe.

Can anyone tell me what hospital is like (for mh reasons) what would I be allowed to take in/not allowed as I cannot be without my phone as I cannot be out of touch with my girl.

Can anyone please advise or help? I'm drowning here

OP posts:
Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 20:40

I googled bipolar blogger but got purplesomething? And can't find hospital stuff? Sorry to be a pain

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Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 20:41

Thanks to all replying you're being so kind and helpful

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Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 20:43

@unbornmortificado

What happens? What are you allowed to take in/do when in inpatient care? Is there a routine is there stuff they make you do (that scares me as I am scared they will make me do stuff I can't right now)

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Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 20:52

Cantchooseaname

I am so sorry you went through that and sorry your mum suffers too.

I have let my daughter down so badly (it was that thing of I was really well for about 18 months which was a long time for me I was even applying for jobs! Then stuff happened and I started going downhill again, forgot to take meds then once I was out of habit o couldn't just start again as high dose - I screwed up! I should have asked for help earlier than I did but I thought I could power through.

I should have bloody called mental health team earlier cos I know it takes a while to get someone assigned to you

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UnbornMortificado · 13/04/2017 20:59

It varies area to area.

I was in westpark hospital in darlington. Took my phone, makeup own clothes in. Medication, razor and anything sharp was took off me. I was on a mixed ward, there was people with all sorts of problems, were I was you had to earn leave, then you can go out on the grounds and to the local shops.

There was loads of books, art classes, baking classes an outside area to smoke in.

The only thing they can make you do is take your medication, a lad I was in with was spitting his so they forcibly injected him. He was under a section one though, so they might be different guidelines when your voluntary. They can restrain you and sedate you if your violent.

Il try and answer anything specific but I think it can massively vary.

I will say if the crisis team are suggesting hospitalisation that considering the massive bed shortage you probably could do with going in.

Truthfully looking back I enjoyed it, I still talk to some of the people I was in with.

Broken11Girl · 13/04/2017 21:01

Flowers what a difficult situation.
I hope you find somewhere. Would you asking her friends' parents be an option? I know she's embarrassed but she'll get over it. Otherwise as pp said, short-term foster care is an option.
Hospital isn't so bad. You will be allowed your phone - the charger will be removed by the nurses and kept in the office, but they'll charge it for you when needed. Take comfy clothes including pjs, dressing gown and slippers, basic toiletries (no razors), things to do - books, magazines, puzzles or colouring if you're into that, etc. Your daughter will be able to visit you.

dementedma · 13/04/2017 21:04

Explain fully to your daughter that this hospitalisation is to help you to get better and you are doing it because you love her. There must be a family that will take her in, family of friends? It's only temporary.

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2017 21:07

Don't be afraid to approach her friends parents. Whatever "issues" they're coping with themselves they'll surely look out for a vulnerable 16 year old girl?
Unborn, do they really have mixed wards? I think I'd really hate that.

UnbornMortificado · 13/04/2017 21:11

Flogging some hospital do, its how I met DH so I can't really complain.

I was supposed to go to Durham (which is closer) which is womens only but there was no beds.

It was all single rooms with en-suites with a female corridor and a men's corridor.

RandomMess · 13/04/2017 21:11

Please do approach other parents, I certainly would take an extra in even just for half a term to see her through her exams. She's not young and handful.

Can you get in touch with the people that support "young carers"?

It would be so much better for her to stay local than move away.

Flowers
UnbornMortificado · 13/04/2017 21:14

Vstessed guilt isn't going to help, you have an illness and you need help to get better.

I agree with Dementa i would offer to have your DD even if we weren't close friends irl.

Emergencies happen.

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 21:15

The lack of somewhere for her to go is something that's making me regret calling crisis team now! What if I lose her forever? I CANNOT face that I just can't!

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Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 21:17

Would I be allowed my kindle? My own books?

I don't wear make up, one of my issues is dermotillamania which is bad at mo.

I struggle with self care.

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Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 21:18

I've only got couple sets clean clothes at mo.

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Wolfiefan · 13/04/2017 21:20

You won't lose her if you try and get better. You could lose her if you don't get better. Depends on what's on kindle and in books I suppose. Some things could be triggering.
Will crisis team help her find somewhere? Surely a friend could be a temporary fix?
I get the self care thing too. Not managing to take my asthma inhaler at the moment. Blush

Wolfiefan · 13/04/2017 21:21

Surely in hospital you will be cared FOR. Make a list of things that you want to know To ask them?

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 21:21

Nothing triggering on kindle. I mainly use it for watching tv but I can read on it and would mean I sort of had loads of books with me

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junebirthdaygirl · 13/04/2017 21:23

My dh has been in hospital for mental health reasons and be usually had his phone . Could text me or call me. He also had his books. He actually rested a lot. He needed that and was allowed that..He did have therapy but not immediately as they needed to access his needs.
Your dd needs her own social worker who should be able to find her a short term fostering family. I doubt very much they would send her off to her df. Mind yourself

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 21:24

I'd REALLY like someone to remove the dis functional part of my brain but wishful thinking.

I keep getting told by community people that I'm the worst case of 'X' they've come across. That I'll never be completely better but I can be better than I am when they see me.

But they all apply the same method. And if it hasn't worked before what makes them think it'll work now ?

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Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 21:28

I want to know how to STAY well I can GET well with help I've done it several times I just can't seem to maintain it. I don't ask for help when triggered, I don't always recognise a trigger.

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Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 21:29

They've already asked 'where's her dad' at the moment we don't know!

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Wolfiefan · 13/04/2017 21:32

Perhaps ruling him out or checking all the options.
I only have depression and anxiety. For me it's about realising when I am starting to slip. (Don't want to go out or exercise. Feeling distant from people. Etc etc) Then doing what I need to do to get better. (Make sure I mix doing what has to be done with what's good for my MH. Exercise is key for me.) Sorry to ramble!

youarenotkiddingme · 13/04/2017 21:32

If your dd doesn't want to go to her dads they should respect her wishes. She will get assigned her own SW and they should also lease with school to get them to support her.

You've not let your DD down. Sounds like you've fought hard alone to stay with her.

Original poster
Vstressedtenant · 13/04/2017 21:33

I wish I could rest. I'm getting maybe 3-4 hours in a 24 hour period at the moment. Not allowed sleeping pills.

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JustMyLuckUnfortunately · 13/04/2017 21:34

Thinking of you both Flowers