Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 9 10 11

Original poster

I am alone and scared witless.

261 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 09:15

I know there is nothing anyone can do, except me perhaps, but I just feel the need to let you know that dh left for his 2 week business trip this morning, and so here I am, scared silly, crying whenever I stop for five seconds to think of my situation, and having panic attacks every time I think how long 2 weeks is.

I don't even know if I will spend every waking moment on MN or bury myself away in a hole, but in case I am here, I wanted you to know this is the state I am in right now. Please forgive anything I might say in the next 2 weeks. I am so wrapped up in myself, I don't know what I am doing half the time.

If you need to know why I am in this state, there was a thread in "feeling depressed" last week explaining.

OP posts:

stleger · 08/03/2007 09:57

My dh has gone to Brussells for a couple of days. He gets under my feet in the kitchen a lot - but he has his uses. Two weeks is a long time for you, I get all the papers at the weekend if I'm on my own then. Even if I can't read them, they keep - I find it hard to concentrate on a book as children keep interrupting me. Good luck with the rest of your 'time'.

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 08/03/2007 10:00

Yes, I have a good book on the go right now but I save it for when I am in bed at night and even first thing in the morning for 10-15 minutes. It is nice being able to read in the morning: not something I have been able to do for decades. It reminds me of being a carefree student.

OP posts:

Aimsmum · 08/03/2007 10:09

Message withdrawn

losty · 08/03/2007 10:23

I find the weekends are the worst. I need to plan it things to the nth degree. Which is what I am doing for this weekend. Can you do that DG?

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 08/03/2007 10:29

Done that already Losty. I am going to get up as late as possible, cook lunch, find something to pass the time in the afternoon (hopefully it will be nice and we can go in the garden, have tea, and go to bed! Sunday afternoon I have to take all 4 to the swimming pool so that middle 2 can have their lessons.

Boy, dh is going to owe me some time when he comes back!

OP posts:

losty · 08/03/2007 10:38

well it looks like you are in control then DG and dont need me giving you advice so I will finally take the hint and shut up !!

Good luck {{{hugs}}}

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 08/03/2007 10:42

Nothing of the sort was being hinted at Losty, as you well know.

Good luck for your weekend too though if I don't speak to you. It is so unfair that your dh must be away for the weekend. When is he back?

OP posts:

losty · 08/03/2007 10:49

Oh sorry DG, my mistake. Its hard for me to interpret you atm and can only go on circumstances IYKWIM and guesswork. Anyway, dont worry! Its not a problem any more.

(DH is home late Monday).

kokeshi · 08/03/2007 12:33

Hi DG, just wanted to add my support. I won't tell you how you're doing, just that I'm thinking of you.

Losty, my apologies for last night, I just posted that message and went to make dinner, I didn't check back in.

Hope you didn't think I was ignoring you. I searched on your name today to find your most recent post, just to check that you're OK. My apologies for posting this here.

jencroc · 08/03/2007 13:20

Hope you are feeling better. I have panic attacks and have for years and have done CBT and all types of things and quite frankly drugs work best for me. Low level anti-anxiety drug that is slow release and I am a happy person who can cope as a working mom with three kids and a dead husband. If you are that unable to cope with your life then I think you should consider it for your own sanity, or maybe not, but do hope you find a way to get on with it you can't live in fear all the time that is not fair to you

Countingthegreyhairs · 08/03/2007 14:06

Hi Dumbledgl, read a bit of this thread last week and you have been on my mind ever since! Hope you are OK and just wanted to add my support. It could have been me posting (except I only have one dd - don't know how you do it with 4!!). I live abroad and so don't have family about and my husband travels virtually every week. He's away right now in fact. I also have emetophobia although didn't know it had a proper name until I read threads about it here on Mumsnet!! Phobia aside, I too feel that I'm reasonably competent! Anyway, just wanted to add my best wishes and congratulations for getting through it all. Also, I reckon your dh owes you flowers, chocs, champagne the lot on his return!! x

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 08/03/2007 14:51

Again thank you for the support. I don't think I am responding to everyone's comments but please believe me when I say I am reading them and appreciate them.

Jencroc, your line about being a happy working mum with three children and a dead husband is so sad. Well, obviously good that you are now happy, but terribly sad to think about what you must have been through. I am so sorry.

I cannot believe how slowly the time is creeping. I am still only a third of the way through - not quite a third in fact. I feel that the weekend is the big barrier now and that, once I have that behind me, and hoping that the children will still be well next week, then I can begin to look up from my pit of despond and see the finish line in sight. But the weekend has to be got through first. I am feeling really quite low about that right now.

OP posts:

SauerKraut · 08/03/2007 15:12

Hi DG, am thinking about you a lot, have been there so many times. I'm glad the kids are ok up to now. Instead of thinking "only 3 days gone" etc, could you discipline yourself enough to think "wow, 3 days gone already and things are still ok"? It helps me.

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 08/03/2007 16:22

I am trying.

Ds2 has had a bad day at school - kicked in the face after school by a classmate, says he has no friends and is used to the constant bullying. This is not the sort of thing that dh is much good at, but I wish he were here so I could at least sound off about it.

OP posts:

Boco · 08/03/2007 16:50

Hi dg, sorry you're having such a hard time, sounds awful for you. sorry if i'm repeating things that others have said, as just skim read the thread - but have you thought about surestart / homestart, in the short term. Might be a help at times when your dh is away, maybe around meal times / cooking, things that make you particularly anxious. Its just someone to be around and there to help with either practical things - like preparing dinner, or to chat to you and give you some support. I found them great after my dp had a breakdown and was really ill and i was a full time carer for him.

Also, i'm sure it'll have been mentioned, but CBT is good at helping to change the way you thing and feel about things. Have you ever contacted mind? They can put you in touch with therapists.

Hope that the next week adn a bit goes ok for you, take care xx

Tortington · 08/03/2007 16:52

if a kid assaulted your son - phone the police. its not right. kicked in the face isn't bullying " gimme 50p or else i'll kick you in the face" is bullying

kicked in the face is assault.

fishie · 08/03/2007 16:57

oh no dg, poor boy. is he ok? and so not what you need just now.

losty · 08/03/2007 17:24

agree with custardo about DS2...

Sounding board ready and waiting

DimpledThighs · 08/03/2007 17:34

Oh DG - had no idea how tough things were for you. I am in Oxford - don't know how far that is from you.

Will email you my details.

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 08/03/2007 19:13

I am not sure that Home Start could help me tbh. The only help I would want would be someone to stay the night with me and look after my children if they were ill. I can cope with everything else. Ds3 now tells me he has a tummy ache and I have turned into a ball of jelly. God I hate this.

Ds2 has had a hard time since we moved 2 years ago. Sometimes he says he has friends but mostly he says he has none. The kicking in the face thing was a bit less black and white as it might appear as he and my ds1 and various other boys were all play fighting, or jumping on each other etc. Ds2 fell down and one boy kicked him in the face. Since getting home, ds2 has told me a bit about this boy who apparently is always taunting him and fighting him or upsetting him. The awkward thing is, I am on chatting terms (I wouldn't say we were friends as such) with his mother. I don't know what to do about it. Ds2 has parents evening next week but his teacher is not a very strong teacher and I think a lot of nonsense goes on in his classroom that he is powerless to stop. It is not a situation I am happy about but what can I do?

Sorry, losty, another night without msn. I can't possibly concentrate on msn knowing ds3 has a tummy ache.

OP posts:

stleger · 09/03/2007 10:01

Did last night go OK for you?

losty · 09/03/2007 10:08

{{{{{{DG}}}}}}}

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 09/03/2007 10:41

Well, ds3 was OK but I have a terrible stomach right now - won't go into details but it involves sitting on the loo a lot and not wanting to eat anything.

I am cracking up here. I know you all think I am doing well here, but I am not. All I am doing is existing and time is passing (far too slowly) - and those are two things I have no control over. I am back to crying all the time and now that I feel physically ill too, I have even more to worry about.

OP posts:

saltire · 09/03/2007 10:53

Hello DG, have just read thorugh your posts. How are you feeling now? Has the stomach problems cleared up?
I know you think that Home Start may not be able to help you, but it may be worth a try, my friend used to work for them and she was always telling me the ways in which they helped people (without giving away names etc).
I won't say "oh you're doing really well" as you are so obviously not. However, as i said to you the other day, it may help if you come on here when you are getting panicky - you know the "thing" i get when Dh goes away, well i sometimes come on here and it relaxes me. We may not be able to help pyhsically, but we could help in cyberspace You have my email.
I'm waffling now so I'll shut up

Original poster

DumbledoresGirl · 09/03/2007 11:06

Thanks saltire, you are very kind. No, I am feeling horrible right now (physically)

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 9 10 11