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Original poster

I am alone and scared witless.

261 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 09:15

I know there is nothing anyone can do, except me perhaps, but I just feel the need to let you know that dh left for his 2 week business trip this morning, and so here I am, scared silly, crying whenever I stop for five seconds to think of my situation, and having panic attacks every time I think how long 2 weeks is.

I don't even know if I will spend every waking moment on MN or bury myself away in a hole, but in case I am here, I wanted you to know this is the state I am in right now. Please forgive anything I might say in the next 2 weeks. I am so wrapped up in myself, I don't know what I am doing half the time.

If you need to know why I am in this state, there was a thread in "feeling depressed" last week explaining.

OP posts:
DimpledThighs · 09/03/2007 12:38

how are you feeling today?

how was last night?

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/03/2007 13:12

I was feeling really bad earlier, but feeling a bit better now thanks.

Last night was a very nervy experience for me, what with ds3 complaining of a tummy ache. I got woken up about 2 ish by some noise - I don't know what, probably just a child talking in their sleep, but it was quite hard to go back to sleep again afterwards. This morning though, ds3 was fine and excited at seeing our neighbourhood fox in the garden.

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DimpledThighs · 09/03/2007 13:25

I really feel for you - I have had stress related anxiety and it seems very similar from how you are reacting (but seek proper medical advice blah blah..) One thing a friend did with me was made me think through the very worst case scenario and make a contigency plan. This really helped because it made me see that even if the worst case scenario occured it was still copable and I would be fine.

worrying and stressing is not constructive but so hard not to do.

I wish I could help you more.

stleger · 09/03/2007 15:50

I'd like a neighbourhood fox! Glad you got through the night, not sleeping is horrible. Try Home Start, they are a great help, and everyone they deal with thinks they are 'alone' in their difficulty. As you know, other people feel similarly to you, so don't be shy of them. (But do what you want, I don't mean to sound bossy as I know that is useless too!) Hope the weekend is good for you.

SauerKraut · 09/03/2007 18:01

Hi, DG, joining you from Monday to Thursday- DH has just announced he's off to Moscow. We shall listen nervously to night-time noises together....

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/03/2007 18:17

DT - I think because I have a phobia, ie a fear of something, it is not always good for me to think through the possibilities too much. I do enough "what if" thinking as it is. In fact, that is my main problem! But I know what you mean and appreciate your comments.

Stleger - the neighbourhood fox is fine except when you have 2 cats and you worry about them becoming said fox's breakfast!

SK - oh God, you poor thing. Is it a real problem for you or just something you would rather not have to go through?

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saltire · 09/03/2007 18:24

5 days and counting eh DG?
I'm on my own again tonight, DH is away to some rugby thing in Edinburgh or Glasgow or Aberdeen or somewhere like that - I stop listening after a while, it's the third night this week he has been out because of rugby. I have decided I am going to bed early and will CSI in bed.

SauerKraut · 09/03/2007 18:31

A real problem. I have several activities to which I will have to take the kids- he usually takes them because I'm so scared of feeling ill on the bus that I actually do and then we all have to get off. So I just won't eat all day until I've taken them, so I can eliminate that possibility. And so on.

stleger · 09/03/2007 18:34

Maybe I just like the idea of the fox? I really want a hedgehog.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/03/2007 19:17

Sk, any chance of just not doing the activities for one week? Dd missed Rainbows last night. She loves going and I was planning on taking her even though it means dragging 3 boys out with me once at 6 and again at 7, but then, tea was a bit late and I was having a very bad time last night so I just quietly didn't remind her it was Rainbows night and she didn't go. That is the not the first time I have just quietly not mentioned an activity to a child and missed it. usually, I rely on dh being back by 7 so that at lest I don't have to drag everyone out again then.

Saltire, one of the few advantages of not haing dh home this weekend is that we don't have to sit through all the Six Nations matches. Mind you, although it annoys me when dh watches 6 hours of continuous rugby and I want him to do something around the house, I don't actually mind really and wish he were around tomorrow to shout at the referee!

Stleger, yes a big difference between a little hedgehog and a huge dog fox! Where have all the hedgehogs gone? I don't think my children have ever seen a live one.

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saltire · 09/03/2007 19:21

DG - DH is back very late tonight so I will have to endure the rugby on TV. Unfortunately for me, DH used to play and now referees, so he yells and shouts at the TV like a lunatic. We actually went to the Scotland v italy game a couple of weeks ago - and the game was so bad i thought he was going to do himself an injury with all the yelling he was doing. I just slid down in my seat and pretended I wasn't there. it wasn't helped by the fact that my Italian uncle had taught him how to swear in italian.
I'm hoping though he will take me into Dundee in the morning

DimpledThighs · 09/03/2007 19:23

Is it a specific phobia or anxiety about being alone?

(you do sound a little brighter today.)

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/03/2007 19:23

Oh saltire, I do not count myself a rugby fan - just married to one - but that Italy Scotland game was great entertainment even for me! unfortunately not for your side of course.

What it must have been like to be Scottish and sitting in that stadium, I shudder to think.

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Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/03/2007 19:24

DT - I have emetophobia - fear of vomiting.

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saltire · 09/03/2007 19:25

Put it this way, it's the first time I have A) Heard fans booing the team - usually we accept defeat gracefully
B) Watched fans leave in their droves.

I grew up in the south of scotland where almost town has a rugby team, so I know the game. It was indeed a bad day for Scottish rugby

saltire · 09/03/2007 19:26

almost every* town has a rugby team!

DimpledThighs · 09/03/2007 19:27

oh sorry I should have picked that up somewhere - that makes everything very different - ignore what I said.

How horrible for you. I don't know what that must be like, but imagine it is heightened when you are alone. Shame no family nearby - I was a nursing assistant and vomit poses no problem for me. If you knew you had someone to call on ho was nearby incase his kind of thing happened would that help?

DimpledThighs · 09/03/2007 19:28

(sadly I am not nearby!)

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/03/2007 19:31

I have to say, I saw the first 2 tries and dh and I could not believe it. We had been sitting in stony silence as I saw my afternoon slipping away in front of the bloody rugby again, but after that start, we were joking away happily. The I left to go to the loo and didn't bother going back in for ages as I thought that no more scoring could possibly have occurred, only to find out they had another try! I am surprised the entire stadium hadn't exited en masse after that!

Mind you, dh had a similar experience: he is Australian (you know the Australians? supreme and undefeated in any sport?) and last year went to cardiff to watch them play paltry little Wales. Only Wales won that match! The kids and I were sitting at home watching it laughing our socks off (no sympathy in this household!)

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Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/03/2007 19:35

DT - it is a tricky question isn't it because even if people have no problem with vomit, no-one particularly wants to expose themselves to bugs, do they? Yes, it would help to have someone else nearby although tbh, they have to actually be in the house to make a real difference to me.

I wish my phobia was something like spiders. Not that I think that is a lesser thing to be afraid of, but whereas no-one particularly likes vomit, some people do like spiders and plenty of people aren't bothered by them, eg, I would happily go and remove a spider from someone's sink but I can't see others happily coming and cleaning up some vomit for me. Urgh horrid thought! Perhaps I had better stop there.

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saltire · 09/03/2007 19:37

I watched Australia play at Murrayfiled whne the great David Campese was still playing. can't remeber the score though. He was a great player, some really good ones come along once in a while.

You seem a bit brighter BTW.

I've never actually been to a Scotland /England game yet, have watched Australia, All Blacks, Ireland, Wales and Romania.
have you ever been to any Australia games?

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/03/2007 19:42

No I have never been to a rugby match - except briefly watching the local team once when dh and I lived in - guess where? - Rugby! when we were first married. I think I would enjoy it actually, because I can get really into the matches on tv, although I never understand the rules. It all looks like they are making it up as they go along.

David Campese - his name always makes me laugh. When I first knew dh, he was very disparaging about DC - regarded him as some sort of joker and thought the English press were nuts to be so keen on him. Then he saw him play and had to admit he had been wrong about him.

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losty · 09/03/2007 20:15

my dh will be at the rugby tomorrow too. He doesnt even like rugby ffs....

How is the evening going DG?

stleger · 09/03/2007 20:39

My dh has missed a connecting flight in Amsterdam, my dd1 is at a sleepover. So I'm on bump in the night duty again! He should be home tenish in the morning, so not even a decent lie in! The oddest phobia I know is a woman who can't walk near the river in the local city, or cross it by bridge if she is walking or driving. Yours is quite 'normal' in my eyes, but I'm sure it is very hard to cope with.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 09/03/2007 21:06

God the number of times my dh has missed a flight or had it cancelled due to fault in the plane/snow on the runway/etc. he usually turns up at 3 am or something stupid.

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