I am alone and scared witless.

[DumbledoresGirl]

I know there is nothing anyone can do, except me perhaps, but I just feel the need to let you know that dh left for his 2 week business trip this morning, and so here I am, scared silly, crying whenever I stop for five seconds to think of my situation, and having panic attacks every time I think how long 2 weeks is.

I don't even know if I will spend every waking moment on MN or bury myself away in a hole, but in case I am here, I wanted you to know this is the state I am in right now. Please forgive anything I might say in the next 2 weeks. I am so wrapped up in myself, I don't know what I am doing half the time.

If you need to know why I am in this state, there was a thread in "feeling depressed" last week explaining.

you're on the home stretch now DG - the rest of the week will pass before you even know it. And then DH will be back and you can sit down, put your feet up and do nothing for a whole weekend! Now wont that be good?!!!!!

Good luck SK. I will think of you as I struggle through this week. It still seems such a long time to go - I would have a fit if dh told me he was off for 4 nights and that is what I still have to do - but I know what you all mean: first week done, weekend over, just this week to go now. God this can't go too quickly! I have been trying to help myself along by thinking only X more days, what was I doing X days ago? but that hasn't really helped today as last week was such a blur and I spent most of it trying to hibernate to make it go quickly (that didn't work) so I have nothing to help me mark the days.

Right now, I would pay a couple of hundred quid or more (and money is tight round here) just to have it be Friday now.

How are you doing this morning?

Not great today. Ds3 was off his food yesterday and now he is on the sofa watching dvds rather than at playgroup. I don't know what is the matter with him (he ate breakfast) except that he says he is tired and he has the slightest cold symptoms but he has had those for a few days now and nothing has developed.

He had his pre-school boosters last week and I am wondering if it is possible for him to be having a reaction to those, but I think I am just clutching at straws as I don't remember him being ill after them when he was a baby, and even if he was, ds2 was very ill after his first MMR but fine after his pre-school jabs.

So I am fretting basically.

He may just have a bug, low-level virus thing and I know that's not much comfort cos if you fret, you fret.
Have only skimmed though this as am supposed to be getting ready for an appt with ds2' teacher but saw the title and wanted to drop in and say "Hi" and the week is passing. You're nearly there Motherhood does heighten so many emotions, doesn't it?

He was with the last cold he had tmmj! - only a few weeks ago. He got a chest infection and was sick once but I was not really bothered by that as I knew why he was being sick and knew it wasn't contagious and also happened to be with him at the time and was able to limit the damage iyswim. But anyway, that was when he had already been ill for about 3 weeks, so hopefully this cold won't get that bad.

No, I am a very pathetic soul, I don't have friends in the neighbourhood at all. But it is sunny here at last (has been overcast for days when, according to the weather forecast, it was meant to be sunny everywhere , so I am hoping he wil pick up in the afternoon and will come into the garden with me.

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I'm fairly new to MN and I'm really impressed
DG I have been watching this thread and I really feel for you.
I think you are amazing.
You are coming to terms with your phobia by having to deal with it on your own 24/7.
Your stronger everyday you do.
Keep it up.
Stay strong.
Focus on everything else... especially this great crowd on MN
Give yourself a pat on the back you know dh is back soon but really I think you must see how you've survived so far and it doesn't matter how you've done it on your own YOU'VE done it - be proud.
Give yourself some love.

xx

Almost there - how are you today?

Well done DG, not long now!

Feeling really worn out today, but not actually much to do with the phobia ths time. Ds3 was fine yesterday - ate a big lunch as normal, then ate virtually no tea but this time it annoyed me rather than scared me. This morning he came into my room to tell me he was hungry ("Well you should have eaten your dinner last night then!") but then refused to eat hardly any of his breakfast. I was so mad, I packed him off to playgroup regardless. I hope I am not going to be paid back by having to collect a poorly child from playgroup! I don't think so though, I think he is just being an annoying 4 year old.

So he is stressing me out, as is ds1 who has his Year 6 SATs in May and was a total pain in the neck last night refusing to do his homework and arguing with me about it (and I used to be a Year 6 teacher!) he had to write a story in 30 minutes and was completely freaked out that he was not allowed to choose the subject matter. He is not good at English but he won't listen to his mother who is!

The tomorrow is parents' evening and I am worrying about ds2 who is so unhappy at school and particularly feels victimised by one boy. His teacher is not a strong disciplinarian and I am anxious about telling him what goes on in his classroom behind his back (according to ds2).

Neither ds1 nor ds2 practice their musical instruments unless I nag them and neither will learn their weekly spellings - aarrgghh!

Only dd is not giving me cause to worry right now - bless her. But she has a ballet exam this weekend which I suspect is preying on her mind.

So I am really feeling the stress of parenting on my own at the moment. I have a feeling that when dh comes home, my body, which has been on full alert for 2 weeks, and dealing with all these problems, is suddenly going to shut down and I will spend all weekend in bed, just when dh wants to be doing things with me. It has happened before.

But, yes, even I can see that there are only 2 nights to go now and I was really pleased to find out the other day that dh is home in the morning on Friday, not late at night as is common.

Aimsmum, I will have a look at that CD offer. So is that the same thing that you were trying to send me the other week?

Oh and btw, everyone, the above is just me getting things out of my system. Don't feel obliged to offer any answers!

HI DG, sorry you are having a tough time. I can sympathsise with the homewrok - DS2 will not do his at all, unless we nag him loads.
I can't believe your 2 weeks are almost over. i got your email, will reply later

Umm, sorry to be a nuisance, but Aimsmum, your hynotherapist is selling her CD through paypal, but apparently not through credit cards. I don't have paypal. Can anyone get hold of a copy for me? I feel such a nuisance asking this but paypal is something I have never got to grips with.

Hype up mothers day on Sunday as an excuse to stay on bed late and be aited in hand and foot!

GL, I have a suspicion dh will have no idea it is Mothering Sunday! I am not going to say anything, just to see if I am right. But I will get some TLC this weekend anyway, I am sure of it.

BTW, no problem about trying to buy the CD on paypal. Aimsmum has shown me that it can in fact be bought with a credit card so the deed is done.

Hi DDG, haven't been around for a few days.

Is your dh back on Friday? Only two days to go, if so! You've done soooo well!

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Morning DG

How are you today?
Is your dh back tonight?