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I am alone and scared witless.

261 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 09:15

I know there is nothing anyone can do, except me perhaps, but I just feel the need to let you know that dh left for his 2 week business trip this morning, and so here I am, scared silly, crying whenever I stop for five seconds to think of my situation, and having panic attacks every time I think how long 2 weeks is.

I don't even know if I will spend every waking moment on MN or bury myself away in a hole, but in case I am here, I wanted you to know this is the state I am in right now. Please forgive anything I might say in the next 2 weeks. I am so wrapped up in myself, I don't know what I am doing half the time.

If you need to know why I am in this state, there was a thread in "feeling depressed" last week explaining.

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jollymum · 05/03/2007 19:22

DG you're near Bristol I just found out. I'll find the website for you and you can try it if you want. The lady Fiona is not far from me so you're welcome to wait for DH to come home, dump him and the kids with us and try it. I found her to be such a calming woman and she made me cry. I talked to her about stuff I hadn't thought of for years and I am STILL not smoking three and a half years later Keep talking, it can only get better!!!!

jollymum · 05/03/2007 19:23

I'm about an hour and a quarter from you, spitting distance1!

DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 19:25

That is so kind Jollymum. I don't know what to think. if I am honest, I don't think hynotism works, though it is what I really want - the idea of someone just realigning the thought patterns in my mind is a wonderful one - but scary too. I will need to think longer about it.

I want my GP to recommend something but he really didn't seem to have many suggestions to make. Tribpot, he might have been talking about CBT when he mentioned a private counselling therapy I could do. TBH, I was just trying to hold it together and not cry, mainly because my children were all waiting outside the door for me, so I did the classic thing of having a consultation and then realising when I was on my way home, that I had not really followed what he was saying. Anyway, there was some sort of therapy (private) on offer but he wanted me to try the relaxation course first

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DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 19:26

If you are south of Birmingham, we are closer even than that. I can get to Birmingham in about an hour.

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pinkchampagne · 05/03/2007 19:37

Oh DG, sorry to hear you are so low & panicky.
I don't really know what to suggest, but agree with tribpot about getting in contact with your HV if you can. Sounds like you could do with some extra support right now.
Have only skimmed the thread, but do you have some close friends who could maybe help you out & keep you company?

DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 19:47

No close friends within about 100 miles I would guess. No local support group. I know I sound like a freak, but I just don't make friends easily anymore. I have had too many really hard knock backs and we have moved too many times. Where I was 2 years ago, I used to say I had no friends but I realise now I had a reasonable support group there. Here, virtually nothing. hey, I am a freak!

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DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 19:49

Oh and HV? What is that? Never seen one here. Oh, tell a lie, one turned up on my doorstep just after I had moved here but I remember thinking she was a really cold fish. Ds3, being my fourth, has never really been under a HV.

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Dior · 05/03/2007 19:51

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DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 19:56

For 2 weeks Dior? I could understand for a couple of days - I mean, even I like to have the tv remote to myself and relish the thought of not being woken by him getting up at 6 am - but for 2 weeks? I am not generally sentimental, but I feel 2 weeks is a long time for a happily married couple to be separated.

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Dior · 05/03/2007 19:57

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Scootergirl · 05/03/2007 19:58

The first couple of days are the hardest without a doubt. DH is in the army and goes away fairly often and it's the first two or three days you need to get through for you to know you can do it.
And I'm sure you can

Soapbox · 05/03/2007 20:14

DG, so sorry to hear that you are so upset. I have a spider phobia which is gradually becoming more under control, but when it was at its worst I used to hate being left while DH went overseas.

I used to imagine all sorts of scenarios, spiders on the stairs stopping me getting to the children, spiders in my bedroom, spiders in the children's bedroom etc etc etc.

I came to realise that I was making up most of the stress by my rather fertile imagination, rather than just living in the moment. Everything I imagined was much worse than anything that ever manifested itself.

I think what makes it worst for you, is that at least I could get out of the house with the children, as the spider threat was only really a house threat. I did have neighbours who I could call on as well, although spiders aren't like vomit, they don't tend to hang around in the same place while you call someone to help

I would strongly recommend that you try hypnosis, it really is the only thing that has ever made much of a difference to me. Whilst not 'cured' the hold over me of this phobia has lessened considerably. I can now ignore a spider as long as it is not in close proximity to me, which is a long long way from the hystrionics of old.

In the meantime, just hold on in there. Live in the moment and count off the days until your DH is home again.

For the longer term, I would also like to give you a little nudge to think of ways in which you can try and make more friends locally so that you build up a good support network. You have always sounded like a lovely person on here and I think you would make a great friend, so some lucky people out there will be pleased to make friends with you I am sure.

Your ex-collegues comments also bear this out - she wouldn't be able to recall you so warmly after all this time if you had not made a mark on her life

pinkchampagne · 05/03/2007 20:20

Might be worth you enquiring about your HV. You sound like you could well benefit from something like Home start.

I know you have bubblicious as one of your MSN contacts. Have a chat with her if you can, she has a bad vomit phobia & spends a lot of time at home with her girls while her husband is away.

tribpot · 05/03/2007 20:21

Home start - good call.

Aimsmum · 05/03/2007 20:24

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Califrau · 05/03/2007 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 20:32

Thanks girls (if I may call you that) I love you all!

I am not poo-pooing hypnosis, it is just that I doubt my own abilities to be brought under anyone's spell iyswim. I am fiercely controlling in my life (poor dh can't make any decision without me thinking it the wrong one, even when I tell myself I will not criticise, I can't help but find fault) and I am not sure if a hypnotherapist could override that.

Soapbox, see above for why I dond't make friend easily! And as for the colleague - oh the stories I could tell about that god-awful job and how I was dumped in to sink and swim and how amazingly, despite everyone trying to sink me (including colleague) I swam - to my amazement and their apparently everlasting adoration! Suffice to say, it was nt quite how I painted it in my other thread!

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DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 20:34

Oh and I am curious. What does anyone think Home Start can do for me?

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Soapbox · 05/03/2007 20:34

DG - I think you might find that contolling and phobia kind of go together

Don't put imaginary barriers in place where there may be none. Try and get some good recommendations about a well qualified hypnotherapist (your GP may be able to help) and just keep an open mind

DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 20:40

Oh yes Soapbox, they definitely do. I only realised that recently. If I wasn't so damn scared all the time, I would actually find my phobia and all the ramifications it has in my life quite interesting.

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Aimsmum · 05/03/2007 20:43

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DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 20:45

Yes please. I do remember your oven fire. Your reaction was only normal I would have thought. Glad you got help for it.

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Nikki76 · 05/03/2007 20:50

Hey - glad you doing okayish - don't forget the offer to text me is still there and I've been hurt by friends in the past which has made me wary of making new friends and I don't have a great deal of confidence in myself but am getting there gradually, hence giving you my no earlier....maybe not the best idea on a public forum but hey, we talk about our fanjos on here so!!!

Aimsmum · 05/03/2007 20:50

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DumbledoresGirl · 05/03/2007 21:01

Can you email it to me Aimsmum? Same address as msn. The I can find it more easily.

Nikki, re talking about our fanjos, speak for yourself womean!

off to bed now. I told you I do early nights when alone!

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