DG, so sorry to hear that you are so upset. I have a spider phobia which is gradually becoming more under control, but when it was at its worst I used to hate being left while DH went overseas.
I used to imagine all sorts of scenarios, spiders on the stairs stopping me getting to the children, spiders in my bedroom, spiders in the children's bedroom etc etc etc.
I came to realise that I was making up most of the stress by my rather fertile imagination, rather than just living in the moment. Everything I imagined was much worse than anything that ever manifested itself.
I think what makes it worst for you, is that at least I could get out of the house with the children, as the spider threat was only really a house threat. I did have neighbours who I could call on as well, although spiders aren't like vomit, they don't tend to hang around in the same place while you call someone to help
I would strongly recommend that you try hypnosis, it really is the only thing that has ever made much of a difference to me. Whilst not 'cured' the hold over me of this phobia has lessened considerably. I can now ignore a spider as long as it is not in close proximity to me, which is a long long way from the hystrionics of old.
In the meantime, just hold on in there. Live in the moment and count off the days until your DH is home again.
For the longer term, I would also like to give you a little nudge to think of ways in which you can try and make more friends locally so that you build up a good support network. You have always sounded like a lovely person on here and I think you would make a great friend, so some lucky people out there will be pleased to make friends with you I am sure.
Your ex-collegues comments also bear this out - she wouldn't be able to recall you so warmly after all this time if you had not made a mark on her life