I'm an attention whore

[ChanseysEgg]

I'm sure an attention whore. Have been all my life.

I need daily validation from a significant other that I'm worth a place on this planet. Validation in the form of hugs, kisses, I love yous, time.

I get jealous if someone or something takes my lovers attention away from me, even just for a day (a work commitment may be for a week or so).

I feel like a needy dog, humping his leg for attention. Waiting at the door for his return.

I take the slightest poor joke or mention of an ex, as a rejection.

I'm 34 and sick to death of being so needy. But don't know how to rectify this.

Being single feels equal to not existing.

I know this is unhealthy and springs from childhood neglect. But I cannot seem to overcome being an attention whore. I must be hell on earth to be in a relationship with.

I am a mother of two young children. I need to mature - and fast. But how?

I don't think "attention whore" is the right description. Sounds more like you've got incredibly low self esteem.

hate the expression you call yourself, stop hat right now because it isn't helping at all. but yes, low self esteem,

Thanks for replying. I feel lonely and empty a lot of the time. So seek a partner, a "knight" to fill this gap. I fear I'll never be independent and it's scary. I aspire to feminist ideals but can't fulfill them.

I'm confused. A week or so ago you started a thread about being in a relationship with a man with two children (50% custody) and how you were struggling with the step parenting role. Here you say you're a mother to two children ....

Or have I got that wrong?

I don't think you're an attention whore, just insecure
Would some counselling to talk through the issues from your childhood help?

I too dislike the name you've called yourself, but I think it stems from incredibly low self esteem and as such you don't believe you're worth more. But you are, you are important, you do matter and you are worthy of being loved.
Have you tried counselling?

NashvilleQueen you are correct. I have 2 children from a previous marriage. They are 4 and 6.

SVJAA I think I demand an unreasonable amount of attention from a partner, hence attention whore.

Why didn't you mention your own children in the earlier thread? All a bit strange to me but each to their own.

Cause I only have them one day per week.

Why would you talk about yourself in this way? Figuring out why you feel ok with calling yourself a whore, of any type, might help you understand your 'neediness'.

What do you do for a living? Do you have any passions/hobbies? What are you good at?

Figure this stuff out. 'Do you' for a bit. Gain some confidence. And learn to be alone for a while if need be.

I didn't mean to have a go at you, quite the opposite. It sounds like you don't think much of yourself at all, which makes me sad.

Are you the poster, under a new name, who created a big massive fuss because your DP wanted to see his DD after he had been working away? If so then it is clear you need to work on your own issues, self esteem and relationship with your own children before you are in a place where you can have a healthy relationship with someone else, especially someone who also has children.

Oh, love, you need to learn to love yourself, really accept yourself the way you are, upbringing notwithstanding, warts and all.

CBT can be very useful for the kind of negative thinking you are showing: 'Attention whole' 'needy' etc.

There are a number of online resources, hang on a mo'...

So essentially, what you're all saying is that I'm a waste of space? And pointless?

I'm doing groundbreaking academic research, so how does that work?

Raising self-esteem - listen to the podcast linked at the bottom.

I think you are right to try and address this now, before your DCs are affected by your issues.

And it makes for a happier life to not be that dependent from somebody else's validation

Get some counselling for your upbringing. My xdp is quite similar to you and I'm pretty sure it's down to his shitty childhood.

You are aware you have this issue and it is causing problems. You also seem aware of why you have these issues, therefore you can resolve it.
How you do it is up to you.
Looking to people to give you further reasons as to why you are like this will only justify your behaviour- not change it.

As with all negative behaviour the first step is admitting it which you have done. Well done OP. Now seek out what is is you need in order to change.

AS others have said you have low self esteem. Unless you have the spare time and money for therapy you could try MoodGym which is essentially like CBT therapy online.

My own parents didn't have time for me when I was a child. Dad had an affair and mum tried to kill herself. So who's going to want me now?

Nobody said you were pointless or a waste of space where did you read that ? I think you need to work on yourself and concentrate on your children you are being a bit dramatic

So essentially, what you're all saying is that I'm a waste of space? And pointless?

Thats an aggressive response to the suggestion you get counselling.
Go for CBT and assertiveness training. Because your attitude is wrecking your life.

Self-help

Self-confidence

Overcoming

Also have a look at MIND.

you need to work on your own issues, self esteem and relationship with your own children before you are in a place where you can have a healthy relationship with someone else

So - be alone? That's my only option. That's all I can expect from life, to be alone.

OP nobody said that, or even vaguely implied it.

Are you feeling ok within yourself apart from the issue you've posted about? Are you feeling stressed or low?

It could be that you're depressed.