Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

I'm an attention whore

134 replies

ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 11:47

I'm sure an attention whore. Have been all my life.

I need daily validation from a significant other that I'm worth a place on this planet. Validation in the form of hugs, kisses, I love yous, time.

I get jealous if someone or something takes my lovers attention away from me, even just for a day (a work commitment may be for a week or so).

I feel like a needy dog, humping his leg for attention. Waiting at the door for his return.

I take the slightest poor joke or mention of an ex, as a rejection.

I'm 34 and sick to death of being so needy. But don't know how to rectify this.

Being single feels equal to not existing.

I know this is unhealthy and springs from childhood neglect. But I cannot seem to overcome being an attention whore. I must be hell on earth to be in a relationship with.

I am a mother of two young children. I need to mature - and fast. But how?

OP posts:
Original poster
ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 12:20

Do you guys really think I've had no counselling??

OP posts:
SVJAA · 04/12/2016 12:21

Nobody is saying you're pointless or a waste of space, we're suggesting that counselling to overcome childhood trauma might raise your self esteem. I have horrendously low self esteem, I know how hard it is.

DearMrDilkington · 04/12/2016 12:21

We're only trying to help. You didn't say you had tried counselling which is why we suggested it.

Original poster
ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 12:22

OohMavis I feel rejected and worthless. Like I have no place being on this planet. I can't find a place where I belong. All I do is take up resources.

OP posts:
OohMavis · 04/12/2016 12:22

Who do you have in RL to speak to?

DailyCRAPMail · 04/12/2016 12:22

I get hugs, kisses and time from my partner every day and have done for the last 35 years, I don't think it's a sign of being an attention seeker but of being in a happy relationship. (Not perfect but happy)

If you have always been in not great relationships then maybe that's the problem. You might feel more secure and happy on your own. It's not necessarily the blokes fault or your fault just that the two of you together isn't right.

PacificDogwod · 04/12/2016 12:22

The only person on this planet who has the power to change things for you, is YOU.

You have made a first step: you are aware of your difficulties, you even have an idea where it all stemming from.
Don't give your past power over your future.
Grab that control back: you cannot change your past, but you can change your future.

crashdoll · 04/12/2016 12:22

I don't think you're an attention whore. I think you're hurting. Flowers What do you think would make a difference to make you feel better?

witsender · 04/12/2016 12:22

I'm not sure what you're looking for here? You seemed bothered by your current state and so have had suggestions, all of which you have aggressively rebutted. No-one has said you were a waste of space, or that you should be alone for ever. The dramatics won't be helping you.

Original poster
ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 12:25

OohMavis I have a friend and my mum. I also attend 12 step fellowship meetings.

OP posts:
OohMavis · 04/12/2016 12:25

Well you aren't worthless, that's for sure. You matter to your children. You're their mum. You do have a place in their lives.

Have you spoken to your GP about the way you're feeling?

Wherehasmydevilcomefrom · 04/12/2016 12:25

I agree with witsender. Nobody has called you a waste of space and have all given helpful suggestions. That attitude won't help at all.

Mishegoss · 04/12/2016 12:25

Why are you being so confrontational to people trying to help you? You may have already had counselling but clearly it wasn't the right type for you. There's many different routes to go down. I would keep going and going until you find something that works for you because your current attitude and state of mind really doesn't seem good. It must be difficult for you and people around you

RortyCrankle · 04/12/2016 12:26

No idea what you call it but it sounds exhausting.

Being single feels equal to not existing.

I can't even begin to understand how anyone can feel like this. You obviously have massive self esteem issues. Can you get some counselling because that is a terrible thing to believe.

PacificDogwod · 04/12/2016 12:27

I agree, you sound like you are hurting and you are lashing out because of it.

Have you spoken about how you feel about yourself to anybody in RL?

Original poster
ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 12:27

I get hugs, kisses and time from my partner every day and have done for the last 35 years

Are there not some days when he can't see you, is working away?

OP posts:
Scooby20 · 04/12/2016 12:28

The issue is clear from your responses. Drama gets you attention. Your responses are a total over reaction and not even remotely what people have said.

You know this, deep down. Because I was like this too. Deep down I knew what I was doing when I opened error reacted to stuff dh Did. I wanted the drama of an argument and then the attention of making up. While I was doing it I knew what I was doing, but didn't stop myself.

You need to do whatever it takes because you are miserable. It's not making you happy.

Original poster
ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 12:29

crashdoll I need a knight to look after me. I feel like a child.

OP posts:
thisisafakename · 04/12/2016 12:30

Have you had a diagnosis of anything in particular? If you have just been for 'general' counselling, it might be worth going back, trying to get a diagnosis and find a professional who specialises in whatever condition you might have. General counselling or CBT is unlikely to have enough of an impact if you are suffering from something quite specific.

Original poster
ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 12:30

Have you spoken to your GP about the way you're feeling?

Was just put on prozac

OP posts:
crashdoll · 04/12/2016 12:31

I know it's hard but you can't have anyone look after you. You have to learn to look after yourself. It doesn't mean you can't be with someone too but at the same time, you have to love yourself. Gawd, that sounds cheesy and cliche but it's true. You have to show yourself the love and give yourself the boost that you deserve. You have to wake up every morning and tell yourself that you're a worthy person, that you're good, that you're important and that you can do this.

klassykringle · 04/12/2016 12:31

What counselling have you had, and how did it go?

It sounds like you have a deep-rooted phobia of being alone, much like some people have phobias of (say) spiders.

Would it be worth approaching it from that angle instead of beating yourself up? Concentrated CBT or hypnotherapy perhaps?

Do you ever get solitude? Time alone in your own head?

I'm so sorry your parents messed you up. Flowers

Scooby20 · 04/12/2016 12:32

Oh and dh was a large part of helping me through it. Wanting hugs and kisses from a partner everyday isn't unusual in my opinion.

I occasionally work away. He will text me to say goodnight if he can't kiss me goodnight. We always call eachitger during the day.I get some attention from dh everyday. Not as much as before we had kids. But we always make time for a chat, and usually a cuddle, even if it's 10 mins. Or even a chat on the phone.

Unless you expect his attention to be constantly on you, 24/7?

Original poster
ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 12:32

I also abuse alcohol and food. I really am a waste of space, but at least these substances are always there for me.

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 04/12/2016 12:33

I don't think that medication will help you with this issue.
Prozac may help depression/anxiety, but not low self-esteem.

Are there any activities/hobbies you have that make you feel good?

I love being on my own.
I have lived on my own for periods of my life.
Learn to value your own company and chances are the people in your life will value you more too.