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Original poster

I'm an attention whore

134 replies

ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 11:47

I'm sure an attention whore. Have been all my life.

I need daily validation from a significant other that I'm worth a place on this planet. Validation in the form of hugs, kisses, I love yous, time.

I get jealous if someone or something takes my lovers attention away from me, even just for a day (a work commitment may be for a week or so).

I feel like a needy dog, humping his leg for attention. Waiting at the door for his return.

I take the slightest poor joke or mention of an ex, as a rejection.

I'm 34 and sick to death of being so needy. But don't know how to rectify this.

Being single feels equal to not existing.

I know this is unhealthy and springs from childhood neglect. But I cannot seem to overcome being an attention whore. I must be hell on earth to be in a relationship with.

I am a mother of two young children. I need to mature - and fast. But how?

OP posts:
thisisafakename · 04/12/2016 12:48

thisisafakename Been through a psychiatrist. Got a CPN. No one gives SHIT

Yeah, I won't lie. The MH services in this country are shit. Maybe while trying to get better treatment, read more about BPD to get an understanding of it and some self-help tips. When I went to the GP about depression and anxiety, she said that it takes ages for the referral but to read self-help books in the meantime. I was skeptical, but it did actually help a bit. Also, are there any anti-depressants that are better for BPD sufferers rather than fluoxetine? You could try to get better meds in the meantime.

Hardshoulder · 04/12/2016 12:49

No one gives SHIT

So I need someone else with an abusive past?

But you are looking towards the idea of other people again, OP, whether MH professionals or a relationships. They are not the answer.

klassykringle · 04/12/2016 12:49

I'm glad to hear that Chanseys, I hope they have some more solutions for you.

I think this was the article I read recently. (Don't know how much resonates with you though?)

Original poster
ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 12:50

The time when I could keep blaming my parents' for my adult personality is long gone

What can I do now? :( I've tried counselling. What else?

OP posts:
thisisafakename · 04/12/2016 12:50

fake I'm not getting into a gender debate. That's irrelevant and distracts from the OPs situation

Fair enough. You brought the issue up though- the OP didn't and I just pointed out that it's not unusual for the NRP to only see the kids once a week.

starchildareyoulistening · 04/12/2016 12:51

Borderline personality disorder is a very difficult "label" fraught with emotional connotations and stigma, but it is an illness that can be treated and recovered from. Have you ever looked into DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy)? Some NHS trusts provide it and some don't, but it's worth enquiring as it's a therapy developed specifially with BPD in mind and it really does help a lot of people. It's completely different to CBT, which can be counter-productive and unhelpful for people with BPD.

There's this attitude in society that attention seeking is somehow an inherently bad thing, which is ridiculous really. Everybody needs attention to some degree, and a lot of what we do is based on that - why else are half the threads on this site started, for example? It's a basic human need to feel like you matter to somebody, and there's nothing wrong with that. The idea of therapy is to help you to accept attention in a healthy way without feeling like it's never enough, and to be able to retain a core of self-worth so you can still feel whole and important in the world even when there's nobody around to tell you that externally.

PacificDogwod · 04/12/2016 12:52

Stop looking to others to change this.

PacificDogwod · 04/12/2016 12:53

What aspects of yourself DO you like?
Are you good at cooking? Dancing?
Telling jokes?

Find something you like about yourself and go from there.

thisisafakename · 04/12/2016 12:54

What can I do now? sad I've tried counselling. What else?

I think probably a different type of counselling. Lots of people take several go's to get the correct treatment- it's definitely not easy. You do show that you have insight into your condition though and that's good.

Original poster
ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 12:54

You know the relationship is crap but you aren't doing anything about it other than complaining about it.

What can I do?

Bambamrubblesmum Relationship with my kids is tempermental. I feel incompetent and inadequate as a mother.

klassykringle But why should some poor sod have to give it to me? :(

OP posts:
Hardshoulder · 04/12/2016 12:54

What kind of counselling did you do, and how long for? It's not any kind of magical solution, and - crucially, from the point of view of your specific problem of requiring self-validation and answers from other people - the counsellor isn't going to wave any kind of magic wand.

On another tack, what do you most enjoy in your life? What makes you feel strongest and most positive about yourself? And I don't mean something from other people, I mean something you do.

PacificDogwod · 04/12/2016 12:54

BPD is not an illness.
But yes, it's effects on your life can be learnt to mitigate.
DBT is a very good suggestion - in fact, ask for a referral to a MH specialist in BPD.

Scooby20 · 04/12/2016 12:56

Op, be honest, are you posting here because you aren't seeing your partner or kids today?

Is this a way to get attention?

Not judging you, just a genuine question.

You say you are a waste of space then as soon as you think people are agreeing (even though they haven't said anything like that) you are disagree and point out that you are doing ground breaking medical research.

I don't think you do entirely believe you are a waste of space. Perhaps saying that yiu are a waste of space is something you say because it gets you attention.

Original poster
ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 12:57

I'm on the waiting list for DBT

OP posts:
MsStricty · 04/12/2016 12:57

I second Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, OP. Alternatively: Are you with a counsellor? If so, I'd suggest discussing with them the option of depth therapy with a psychotherapist.

Borderline is treatable.

opheliaamongthelillies · 04/12/2016 12:57

I think there are lots of issues that nobody on this forum can unpick for you.

You have posted on here for the attention you crave but this attention is empty and means nothing, therefore it is just feeding your false idea of what makes you a worthy human being.
You are not destined to be alone although I would say that it might be a good idea for a while. You wont feel alone once you have worked through all of this. As I said you have no reason as to why you cant change. It might take a long time but better to start now than in 10 years when you're still desperately seeking attention and wondering why no-one wants to give it any more- maybe you don't really want to change and that's fine if you're happy living this way? ??
And if you really think its incurable (may be it is )- then you will be better accepting that that is who you are and learn to like yourself just a little bit. Start with small things until it becomes a habit that you don't even notice. Worry about the next bit later....

brummiesue · 04/12/2016 12:57

Pacific - BPD is not an illness?
Care to elaborate?

Scooby20 · 04/12/2016 12:58

You say that your parents attitude to you made you the way you are. You say your are incompetent as a parent.

How do you think your kids are going to feel when they are your age? Similar to you? Perhaps you start tackling whatever you feel like are your parenting issues.

DailyCRAPMail · 04/12/2016 13:00

You know the relationship is crap but you aren't doing anything about it other than complaining about it

What can I do?

End the relationship? Isn't that obvious? You've only been dating 10 months and it's not working.

Original poster
ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 13:01

My parents didn't love me and they were supposed to love me more than anyone else in the world. If they can't love me, what hope do I have of a third person loving me?

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 04/12/2016 13:04

But you are still in contact with your mum is she supportive in which way did they not love you enough

DeriArms · 04/12/2016 13:05

OP have you considered accessing Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)? It's had quite a lot of success in supporting individuals who have emotionally unstable/borderline personality characteristics. Its pioneer, Dr Marsha Linehan, struggled immensely with her own emotional problems in her teens and twenties. Could you seek a referral, and also perhaps a Therapeutic Community (TC) provision where you are?

CharliePurple · 04/12/2016 13:05

You need to use CBT and whatever else works so you want yourself. When you want yourself and treat yourself properly then other people might want you, but only if that is what you really want.

Original poster
ChanseysEgg · 04/12/2016 13:06

But you are still in contact with your mum is she supportive in which way did they not love you enough

She tried to kill herself when I was 12. Twice.

OP posts:
Scooby20 · 04/12/2016 13:07

The only information you have given is that your dad had an affair and your mum attempted suicide.

Neither of those things mean they didn't love you. What else was going on?

As I said before your children could end up feeling like you do. You should do who hate very yiu can to make sure they don't