Is anyone up? Feel so down

[Thecatgotmytongue]

Just that really .. I've been struggling with depression for ages. Tonight it's bad .. After a few ok days, it just hit me tonight for no real reason. I'm sat on the sofa crying. My boyfriend went home two hours ago and has gone to bed, I've no one to talk to.

Hope to everyone for sleep

I find shoes a pain to list I have a small post office in my village and it's not too good with postage materials and I always forget to buy it when in Sheffield im somewhat unorganised of late.
That's awful they should offer touch ups ect if the tattoos not upto scratch.
I know what you mean I'm also tired but very much awake mind wise would love a turn off switch for a few hours peace.
Can't you tell him you need to rest or "accidentally " fall asleep.

He's gone .. I told him I was too tired to talk.

The tattoo parlour said they showed me the draft beforehand, I should have said then that I didn't like it. I didn't realise how dark parts of it would be though until it was tattooed. Luckily it's not big, but I'm thinking I don't want to go back if they're so unfriendly about it.

Sorry you can't sleep ohthat, it's so frustrating when you're tired but can't switch off. You have had a productive day though!

Yes, shoes are a pain to list. I bought a lot of plastic mailing envelopes on Amazon extremely cheap, so I always have something to package them in now.

Hopefully I've found somewhere for dance lessons, they're calling me tomorrow. It's not cheap, because I have no one to dance with I'm taking private tuition, but it's worth it if I enjoy it and it makes me happy I've wanted to do it for ages.

I'm in bed, very tired ... Hopefully I'll sleep ...

Goodnight and good luck getting to sleep everyone

The tattoo is out of order, they should at least offer decent customer service. That alone would have me awake and brewing.

Sorry about the BF situation, it just sounds untenable at the moment?

Smacked my nose with the car door this morning, nice bleed and looking great for school drop off. They must wonder what I do?

One day in a suit, the next in a tracksuit and a bloody nose. I'm a woman of mystery!

Working from home today and Friday, so lucky to have a great contract where the don't seem to mind where I work from!

I'm newly back so just about to dial in and surprise everyone with my return

Did you sleep? I slept well, although still tired.

Just typed a long reply, then lost it.

Sorry you've hurt your nose, hope it isn't swollen?

The tattoo parlour were unfriendly at best .. I need to find somewhere else, I'm fuming.

The bf situation is .. odd to say the least. I can't work out my feelings, and can't cope with stressing about it at the moment. I guess when the time is right I'll deal with it.

Your job sounds great .. Hope you have a good day. I'm going to put some washing on, it's hot out!

I've arranged a dance lesson for next Tuesday .. Now I just need to be able to go

Dancing sounds like fun exercise is supposed to be good for depression can't dance to save my life though lol
I've had around two hours sleep but have a lot to get on with today so not feeling too sluggish atm will when I've stopped though but picked up some mags so will hopefully have a quiet hour to myself later when kids are in bed also planning on watching bake off not very exciting im afraid.
I hope both of you are having a nice day.

I love dancing, but rarely get a chance. I've had lessons a few times during my life .. I enjoy it. I've no one to dance with now, so hope private tuition will solve this.

I'm going to watch Bake Off too tonight

I've been to a different tattoo place and had a much better feeling .. He didn't say, what do you want me to do, but made suggestions that sounded good .. Shading, changing the shape. I've an appointment in 29th September. Looking forward to it now.

Yesterday I persevered and finished two books I had on the go (one was 1984, write depressing!), today I've started a new one I've been looking forward to, The Diary of a Provincial Lady by Delafield

Great on the tattoo, 1984 is depressing. I'm reading non-fiction, it's easier because I know the ending. I'm reading a book about forensic auditing. Surely that would send anyone to sleep.

Got to get into work tomorrow, it's red hot, the fan is rattling away.

I'm going to pull the covers over my head, and hope for the best.

I'd love to dance but I'm not made for it, I can trip up walking to the kitchen while sober.

Sleep tight xx

I hope everyone managed to sleep.

I got to bed late, but did sleep about six hours. Still shattered though.

Let's see what today brings.

Change of meds for me so on day 3 now not sure how I feel when I'm awake but no nightmares last few days so that's a bonus,
Seem to be drinking too much caffeine but no appetite too [hmmm]
Anyway going to try to sleep early day tomorrow.
I hope you all had a good day
Also won't have broadband for a while so if I don't reply im not been ignorant.

Another awful day and night for me yesterday .. Terrible rows, then slept but fitfully and only for five hours, so very tired again.

I've been to yoga this morning, which was good, but then my appointment with the primary health care team was cancelled - not so good.

My friend's invited me round for lunch, so I'm heading out in half an hour.

Hope you're all ok.

Funny old times here. Just realised that NDN is running an AirBnb on a residential mortgage on a property he doesn't live in. Illegal, did a bit of digging. The Internet is a wonderful thing and my forensic audit skills are coming in handy.

Insomnia is great for research. CCTV is not so good as I can watch everything without moving from my desk.

New NDN left the house four times last night between 23:30 and 4am. Getting into different cars. She's working nights isn't she? I've no opinion on how people earn a living but think the LL or boyfriend. may be involved :(

Sleep is elusive but I'm putting it to good use. I'm setting up a residents association (lots of support) and also working from home so can stay in PJs for most of the day and even use the laptop and hold conference calls in bed. I lead a charmed life really.

I know I need my meds tweaked but I'm burying my head in the sand. I know that staying up all night playing detective isn't a good sign. DH wants me to go to the psych next week but I'm not sure I'm ready yet.

I'm not delusional or psychotic. Just a bit stressed, I'll go if any bad thoughts start - I don't want massive doses of drugs again. In the mean time I'm going to switch off the cameras and sleep.

Zzzzz to all. NN xx

Sounds like NDN is either a prostitute or selling drugs???

I know what you mean about drugs. I've reduced mine to the bare minimum because I can't cope with the side effects, but I know when I see the MHPCT next she'll be very disapproving. She wanted me to increase them.

Lunch with my friend was lovely yesterday. I actually felt normal for a couple of hours. She's the only friend I have.

Last night spent hours talking with bf, but we're going to give it another try. I have to make it work, I can't go on like this.

I managed to get to bed for just after 1 a.m and slept mostly till now! Such a relief.

Poor girl is selling herself. I overheard a conversation on the balcony (window open), BF not nice but not my problem. They packed and left late last night.

Glad you and BF talked and you got some sleep. That's a fairly good stretch! I'm impressed.

Lunch sounds great, I should socialise more but I just can't be bothered with it. Work, children, stress and apathy all contribute to just wanting to hide in my spare time.

I try to avoid the drug increases, just enough to keep me functional. My last Psychatrist sacked me because I wouldn't up my Effexor and Lamatical. They don't understand that it can help but the side effects can be just as bad as the problem itself. I guess they've never taken the drugs.

Effexor 225mg and I didn't sleep for three weeks and a big dose of Lamatical on top. He said you don't seem depressed now, I was climbing the walls with mania. No I wasn't depressed thanks doctor, but I wasn't exactly feeling great either. I could actually taste and smell my dreams when I half slept, it was the oddest thing. I don't feel that bad now.

It's a fine line getting meds right, I'd rather be sleepless and functional than dosed up to the eyeballs and catatonic or manic. I've been on this roller coaster for years, it's not an exact science unfortunately

I have a cleaner in doing my house, the children are out. I'm in bed with my two dogs and I'm going to pick a film to watch and maybe have a snooze

I know what you mean .. I normally struggle to get out at all, but I made a special effort this week because I knew I'd feel better.

I've been at a party for my bfs sister this afternoon. Bf very quiet and I feel unsure of my decision and don't know whether we should be together.

I think only you can decide what is right with your BF. I'm sorry for your struggles. Do you think if you both get on an even keel you could work it out?

I did theatre for the kids, a soft play party and a dinner two weeks ago. I felt like I'd run a marathon. It's so hard isn't it? I've still not recovered TBH. I wish I could sleep for a very long time, or just be still in bed and not move. That would be good, just lie down and be very still for ages.

I wish I could work out what's right for us ..

Yes, that sounds great .. To just lie in bed, worry about nothing, everyone leaving me alone ...

Hey you two.

Sorry to fall off the planet there.

Hooe you both get some sleep tonight.

You too Somer