Is anyone up? Feel so down

[Thecatgotmytongue]

Just that really .. I've been struggling with depression for ages. Tonight it's bad .. After a few ok days, it just hit me tonight for no real reason. I'm sat on the sofa crying. My boyfriend went home two hours ago and has gone to bed, I've no one to talk to.

Oh no ohthat, it must be the vaping. I've not touched mine and I've been fine.

I'm just going to bed. Dd15 goes back to school tomorrow. She got her period today, so is feeling very sorry for herself - bad timing. She gets a lot of cramps

Good luck for your little one tomorrow. I bet she'll have a wonderful time. I hope you manage to sleep soon.

I've pulled my sh1t together and arranged to go to a yoga class on Friday morning. Hopefully it'll help a bit.

Bless her, me too. Nurofen Plus for bed and the hot water bottle. It's horrid and always turns up at the wrong time. I was three days late and definitely NO reason. DH ain't got a hope in hell of that right now

Damn periods, I'm 42 and get I'd get it all whipped out I swear. Being 15 and having years ahead, poor thing.

I've been good - cleaned, tided, shopped and cooked a nice roast dinner. Hard when you are worn out. I should be tired. But we had a lovely family meal and I'm content.

Enjoy the yoga, an hours peace sounds lovely.

My little one will be excited, she's ready. She wants to go. I might have a cry on the way home though, but DH is no better than me TBH, I can see us both getting home and sobbing. A new phase in life begins, at least she's happy and ready, she's certainly not shy and scared

The vape is definitely a thing, I had the pain on the way to the shop today. First time in days as I've not done it as the children have been around.

Do you think you could stop vaping? Without starting smoking again? I'm surprised how little it's bothered me .. And very glad!

Yes, I'm 52 and still have periods, although they are becoming a little erratic. I'll be glad when they're over, but not looking forward to the madness that it seems the menopause is. I'd hate to be 15 and have all those years ahead too.

I'm looking forward to the yoga, although also a little scared .. I'm not at all supple anymore. But I need to relax, I need also to work in my core muscles, so hopefully it'll do me some good.

I was good today today Cooked a nice roast dinner, hoovered the house, did some washing, and still managed to read a bit too.

Here I am again, unable to sleep. I feel down and ill .. Sick and also coughing.

I'm getting all worked up about spiders that generally start to appear at this time of year .. I have a huge phobia and no man to help get rid of them.

My bf as usual is no use .. He wants me to tell him when I feel like this, but then doesn't know what to say.

I feel alone and so pathetic. I'm skint, I've over-eaten, I can't even drink without feeling sick .. And I'm thirsty! Everything makes me feel sick these days .. Coffee, tea, water .. Horrible.

It's so annoying .. I'd had a few good days when I felt quite positive. Today's been rubbish .. I was tired, I feel there's nothing to look forward to - my relationship will never improve, I'll never hold down an interesting job, I'll never have any money, I'll never go on holiday again, I'll never lose weight and be happy Roth my assistance .. And most importantly no one will ever understand how I feel. When I talk to people I put on this false facade of everything being ok .. I don't know how not to. Even the professionals are taken in by it, think I'm ok.

Ugh .. Typos ... and be happy with my appearance

Your not alone im in the same boat , people with depression can be amazingly persuasive at making people belive everything is hunky dory, it's hard for people to understand especially if they have never been through it my DP is struggling atm with my depression and anxiety he's trying his best. ,

Thanks for replying.

My bf doesn't know what to say. I guess there's nothing he can say or do, but that doesn't stop me feeling abandoned.

Why is it that way I wonder? Why do we make people think we're fine? I saw someone from the mental health primary care team three weeks ago, I don't think she had a clue how desperate I am. Thing is, when I'm there talking to someone it's not so bad. It's when I'm alone at night and everything seems hopeless that it's bad.

Your welcome it's horrible to feel alone when it sets in , It's the depression talking a few months back I was at the doctors crying my eyes out in the waiting room then when I was called in to see the doctor I was "fine" I clearly wasn't I also was reluctant to take my medication also because the depression somehow made me feel like it was going to harm me and I was fine .
I told my DP that I'm not sure what I want when it sets in as I don't want anyone near me but I don't want to be alone at the same time in reality I just want to know someone will be there no matter what.

Yes that sums it up well.

I've cut down my medication. I don't think it was helping and I think I was having side effects that were making me miserable.

I know when I go back to see the primary care professional on Friday she won't be pleased, but all they talk about is medication.

I'm going to try and sleep. I used to read at bed time, it helped me get off, but these days I struggle to concentrate. I've so many books waiting to be read, it makes me sad.

I think it's just the easiest option for them sometimes to just pile on the meds instead of genuinely talking to you.
I know what you mean I've just sat and watched tv for the last two hours yet not watched any at all if that makes sense.
I started a book the other week and just seemed to have forgotten about it I will have to start on it again.
Hopfully you can get some sleep I know I should have school run at 6.30 will be like a zombie in the morning

Yes,I agree that it's the easy option .. And I know they dont have the time or the resources to do something else. But when someone's been going back to the gp for years with depression, I think they should look at other options.

I'm waiting for counselling, I've been waiting for a few months. I don't know if it'll help, but it's got to be worth a try?

Because I lost my dad last year they seem to think I'm "just"grieving. Of course losing him was hard .. But this is a whole other thing, linked to low self esteem and very strange relationships with men .. I crave their approval.

Anyway, I'm in bed, I've just finished my Tesco shop online and will try to sleep now.

I've to get up at 7.30, we're going to struggle, aren't we?!

I suppose it's always good to try and get stuff off your chest but the problem with deppresion is most of the time you don't know what's depressing you in the first place to talk about it.
Sorry to hear about your dad it's never easy
I think mine is low self esteem too tbh and forever comparing myself to others I've managed this morning ds1 has been well behaved so that's stress off and settled back into school nicely.
Just housework to catch up on now as I've been neglecting it lately.
I hope your feeling a little better today.

I too compare myself to others.

I'm really tired, but trying to stay awake so that I'll sleep tonight.

Same here I know if I sleep now I'll be up all night.

Hope you feel ok.

It was a real low point again last night. Feel a bit better this morning. I'm trying to sort out some things I like doing to get me out of the house.

Trying my usual mood boosters ... Loud music and baking!

I'm not too bad today always feel better when I force myself to get up and do something been to shops for some window shopping will try and clean house as much as possible today as the mess depresses me more.
Oh I love a bit of baking lemon drizzle cake for me please.

Sorry ... It's butterfly buns today!

Yes, I'm the same, I feel better if I get up and do something , so always good to have a reason to have to get up.

I'm waiting for someone to come and fix my taps, then I'll go out for a bit.

Ooo buttercream I could happily sit and eat a bowl of it im such a fatty.
Going out sounds like a plan it's a lovely day atm.

I love buttercream too

I'm still waiting for the workman who promised he'd be here by 12

Usual case especially if you have to be somewhere.

What a waste of time - he didn't turn up! At 3.40 I gave up and went out.

At least my afternoon was productive .. Collected a parcel that I've been putting off for a week, posted a parcel, went to tattoo parlour to discuss an amendment...

It's very hot and close out, I'm going to sit down with a cold drink and watch Cold Feet on catch up tv now.

Well that's annoying
I've also had a productive afternoon sorted through house and clothes to put on ebay bought some new clothes that I didn't need but retail therapy was needed.
Currently watching a film and on MN.
What tattoo are you getting haven't had one for about four years.

I've listed some shoes this week on eBay too, after a mini clear out.

I had a tattoo done a couple of months ago, but wasn't that happy with it, so I wanted some additions. The tattoo parlour were next to useless though and very arrogant with it, I think I'll have to find somewhere else, maybe go further afield.

Tonight I feel awful again, I've very restless legs and I'm so tired, but my bf is here and showing no signs of leaving soon.

My day has been very productive. Up at 5:30, shower and blow dry. Children dropped off by 8::30. At my desk at 9:30, home by 6:45.

Dinner made, uniforms ironed. Eaten well, exercised, showered and clean sheets and PJs (for children and I).

No caffeine, no vape, no alcohol. The bank
Statement says in credit for the first time in four years. The neighbours are quiet.

Why can't I just let it go. I'm looking at my diazepam but know it's pointless. I'm giving up on sleep. I may as well clean the kitchen and load the dishwasher. I'm having my own pity party. No point in being in bed :(