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Original poster

If I die can I insist dh takes dc to see my parents?

535 replies

SweetElizaRose · 02/04/2016 04:43

I'm fairly sure I'm going to die. I suffer terribly anxiety and recently have come into contact with chicken pox to which I am not immune. I have a strong feeling it's going to kill me.
I'm an only child and my parents will be devastated. Dh does not get on with my parents and I likely to take the children and go ang live with his mother. Is there any way I can legally put anything into place to give them some access? Dh works full time so I'd like my parents to be able to do some of the childcare. Also my dc are close to my parents so I feel they would benefit from seeing them as ds in particular will be very upset. Dd is only a baby so won't really know either way.

It's really worrying me. Or do I just have to discuss it with dh and hope he will be reasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 10/04/2016 19:25

Dd really off tonight.

OP posts:
BombadierFritz · 10/04/2016 19:32

When did you ask? Ask again..get them to tell you when you can have it. Your dd can have it when she's one (or have paeds said to wait longer for live vaccines?) Why did they say you cant have it if you have a baby? There are UK sites that are fine with bf mums having it so just try another place. It gives you more protection if already exposed to cpx anyway. Also get your other child vaxxed. There are really easy answers to some of your fears eg vaccination/vzig/antivirals. Good that you have the antivirals, now you can get an appointment for the vaccine.

BombadierFritz · 10/04/2016 19:35

Sorry your dd is not well tonight :( if she gets spots remember to get medical advice in case they decide to give her antivirals as well.

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 10/04/2016 19:45

Will the antivirals help much?

OP posts:
BombadierFritz · 10/04/2016 19:53

Antivirals are amazing! You can also get them out of hours so if the first spot appeared at night, try your out of hours gp. Its a clinical decision - i dont know if they would prescribe for a baby just because if age or prematurity. They stopped the spots spreading in their tracks with my ds and he was much less ill than his brother. He still gained immunity to cpx from the illness so win-win

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 10/04/2016 20:36

Can you get them in liquid form - how would you give them to a baby?
I must admit I feel better that I have them but I'm still very worried for dd.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/04/2016 20:39

Antivirals. Must have been what DS had when on chemo drug and got CP. Magic!

But OP again. It's the anxiety you need to deal with. ASAP.

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 10/04/2016 20:42

I know... But I also need to know if I can help dd when she gets it. I think I would push for antivirals as apparently chickenpox can be severe in infants under 1 where there is no maternal immunity passed on. I would either get an emergency GP app or as you say go to ooh. Tbh I will take her to the GP whatever just to get her checked over when she gets the spots. I will let them know first so that we can wait in a side room.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 10/04/2016 20:43

Glad they helped your ds Wolfie - sounds a very anxious time

OP posts:
BombadierFritz · 10/04/2016 20:43

Yep they are also available in liquid form. If your dd needs them, they will be prescribed. So, first spot, seek advice. I agree, your anxiety is the main issue though, or perhaps even your dh undermining your efforts to improve your mental health thro antidepressants.

BombadierFritz · 10/04/2016 20:44

Good idea about the side room too!

Wolfiefan · 10/04/2016 20:46

Anxious isn't even close!
He's fine now.
Wishing you all the best. I can understand wanting to know that you can get help for DD. Are you feeling more hopeful now?

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 10/04/2016 20:47

Hmmm that's good to know. I think that's what I will do then. Try and see if they will give the antivirals to dd too. I can't see it will do any harm - why wouldn't they prescribe them if it's likely to reduce the severity / duration of symptoms?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 10/04/2016 20:48

My DS had them as a vaccination I think. He had a ridiculously mild case. (As opposed to us being told he could die if he got it whilst immunocompromised.)

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 10/04/2016 20:49

I still feel pretty doom laden - I just want the next two weeks to go so at least I know either way!
I would definitely feel better if dd could have the antivirals too. She's gone to sleep now but is full of cold. Could be a chickenpox...could be a cold. That's the trouble, I'm second guessing every little thing. In all honestly though I can't see how we will possibly escape it.

I'm so glad your ds is well now Wolfie xx

OP posts:
GinAndColonic · 11/04/2016 01:11

You are sounding much better and much more practical today Flowers

Are you seeing your nurse tomorrow?

clam · 11/04/2016 11:43

Whilst I acknowledge that this thread isn't quite as simple as chickenpox, and I don't suppose my tale will help you feel any less anxious, I'll say it anyway. I hadn't had CP when my bf dd caught it at 4 months from 2yo ds. Unlike him, she had a really bad case of it - screamed non-stop for what seemed like weeks (but was probably only a day or two), and when I was at the dr's for something else, the HV popped in and asked to borrow her for a few minutes to show her to some trainees in the next room as "they're unlikely ever to see another case like this."
My point is that it was a grim time, for sure, but she recovered completely, apart from some pock-marks mainly in the groin area. She's now 17 and gorgeous, and your dd will be too.
Good luck with it all.

Looly71 · 15/04/2016 16:28

SweetElizaRose how are you getting on? Have you started taking ADs? How are you and your babies? Flowers

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 15/04/2016 16:49

Haven't started the ADs. Was feeling slightly better as now 15 days post exposure and no sign. But today I've come down with a cold and sore throat which can be the start of it so feeling anxious again today.
I really don't want it first as I've read that it gets worse when passed between family members so if any of us get it it is better to be dd first. I am on constant spot watch. I am going to try and get anti virals for dd as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 15/04/2016 16:49

Thank you for thinking of me!

OP posts:
sadie9 · 15/04/2016 16:55

Don't think a sore throat is involved in chicken pox, just the sniffles and feeling like you have a slight cold. Fingers crossed you are in the clear!

BombadierFritz · 15/04/2016 20:31

Did those private clinics say when they would vaccinate you btw?

Eustace2016 · 15/04/2016 21:24

If you have money some parents who are very ill choose to leave it their chidlren wi th their parents as trustees - that then gives some control to the grandparent rather than the spouse. You could do that including for your half of the house if you own a house together.

Secondly you can leave a "letter of wishes" with your will whch does not have to be followed but is useful in some litigation situations after deaths if your parents were litigating - there is technically a right for grandparents to force contact but it is not always easy to enforce.

Looly71 · 16/04/2016 14:10

You sound more positive and that's got to be a good thing. Keep talking to your doctor and other hcps Flowers

GinAndColonic · 18/04/2016 07:53

How are you all doing Sweet Eliza? I know your husband is away, are you managing ok? Flowers

When my husband works away I dread it and then when he's gone I find it goes easier than I expect.