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Original poster

If I die can I insist dh takes dc to see my parents?

535 replies

SweetElizaRose · 02/04/2016 04:43

I'm fairly sure I'm going to die. I suffer terribly anxiety and recently have come into contact with chicken pox to which I am not immune. I have a strong feeling it's going to kill me.
I'm an only child and my parents will be devastated. Dh does not get on with my parents and I likely to take the children and go ang live with his mother. Is there any way I can legally put anything into place to give them some access? Dh works full time so I'd like my parents to be able to do some of the childcare. Also my dc are close to my parents so I feel they would benefit from seeing them as ds in particular will be very upset. Dd is only a baby so won't really know either way.

It's really worrying me. Or do I just have to discuss it with dh and hope he will be reasonable?

OP posts:
AugustaFinkNottle · 07/04/2016 08:28

Seriously, you can't let your husband dictate what you do about your health, particularly when he's not prepared to do anything to help with your lack of sleep. If a doctor says you should take anti-depressants, then just do it.

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 07/04/2016 08:33

No I failed at proper breast feeding. If I could feed her myself I would. But I have to express as much as I am else I won't get enough milk.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 07/04/2016 08:35

Eliza if you don't get well, you'll be of absolutely no use to your children OR your husband. I'm amazed at his disregard for your well being??!

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 07/04/2016 08:36

He just thinks I'm making a fuss

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 07/04/2016 08:36

He says dd is ok now so I need to forget about how she was when she was born

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MrsJayy · 07/04/2016 08:40

There is no suchthing as failing to feed a baby she is getting milk thats not failing,

BastardGoDarkly · 07/04/2016 08:42

Dd is OK, you though, his wife, are not love. WHY can he not see you are so fragile? I could shake him, I really could.

MrsJayy · 07/04/2016 08:43

You cant forget it was only 14/5 weeks ago her birth had had a major affect on you and has made you ill sucking it up isnt going to make you better.

Stuffofawesome · 07/04/2016 08:51

Please look over this thread and write down some of the things you have said to show the nurse as others have suggested.
Eg.
-I think we have caught chicken pox and will die from it

  • I have thought intensely about my and dds death/funeral
-my Dh won't allow me to take ads and is not supportI've. I am managing all this alone.
  • I am exhausted from expressing and very sleep deprived.
  • I have had suicidal thoughts
  • and so on.
Then just give it to the nurse and say this is a summary of the last few weeks.

You are doing a great job looking after dd but you can't give from an empty cup. You must look after yourself first.

AugustaFinkNottle · 07/04/2016 08:54

If you supplement breast milk with formula feeding, the baby will still get the same protection from immunities. Plus, if you think about it, when babies are breast fed and sleep through the night, their mothers still maintain their supply despite the overnight gap in feeding.

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 07/04/2016 08:56

I know but I don't think it's the same with pumping? That's that my midwife said anyway.
I'm glad I carried on because one of the lactation specialists I saw told me ff babies suffered colic, slept badly and cried more. Well dd cries a lot in the evenings and sleeps badly and if I was ff I would completely be blaming myself now. As it turns out it was utter rubbish since the bf hasn't made any difference to dd's crying and sleeping!

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MrsJayy · 07/04/2016 09:01

Sometimes experts are so enthusiastic about breastfeeding they pull facts out of the air a grizzly baby is a grizzily baby babies are grumpy sometimes unsettled and cry breastmilk isnt going to make them instantly serene and calm

ForeverLivingMyArse · 07/04/2016 09:20

My bf enthusiast told me that bf babies didn't need winding. Cue a distraught baby on day 2. I was still in hospital so the midwives picked up on it and helped.

We all try to do our best, so much conflicting advice is confusing.

Emeralda · 07/04/2016 09:26

Bear in mind a lot of experts haven't breastfed themselves, either. I think you would feel guilty at first but yiu would feel much better for taking the meds.
Ask your husband every day for the next 5 days, "what are you going to do today to help me get more sleep today?". See how that works and if it doesn't, a different plan is needed.

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 07/04/2016 09:27

Dh goes away on business on Monday for three weeks...

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MrsJayy · 07/04/2016 09:31

Speak to your prenatal woman on Monday go through the options that is best for you and the baby and decide for you not him you need your mental strength back you have to get better for you

PrimalLass · 07/04/2016 10:12

FWIW, and this is just anecdote obviously, my mixed-fed baby is the health one and my exclusively bf baby (still feeding at 22 months) has gluten intolerance, is obsessed with sugar, and is not skinny (not fat, but ykwim).

he's really against me taking them even if I'm not feeding

You need to stop looking for his permission and just tell him you are taking them. Or just take them without mentioning it. The fact that he is insisting you stay unwell is borderline abuse.

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 07/04/2016 12:39

Dd has slept and slept and slept since yesterday afternoon - could this be the start of chickenpox? She's barely been awake at all. I'm just about to wake her to feed her.

OP posts:
AugustaFinkNottle · 07/04/2016 13:46

If your husband is away so much, there is no reason really why you shouldn't go ahead and take the anti-depressants. Even if he does find out, tell him it's your body, your decision,

The baby is probably sleeping a lot because she is getting over the cold she had.

Emeralda · 07/04/2016 16:12

Have you managed to get any sleep while DD has been sleeping more?

5BlueHydrangea · 07/04/2016 16:18

Have you seen a breastfeeding counsellor or similar for advice with your breastfeeding problems? Now your dd is bigger she may take to the breast better. It would be helpful for you to get some guidance with positioning etc.mis there a children's centre near you that has one? Constantly expressing is very draining. If dd could take milk from you even some of the time that would help..

Oh and if dh is going away I think you should start to take your ad's now. you may feel worse for the first few days so maybe start now while you have him around, then it should all settle down and hopefully you'll feel better. Which pills are you on?

Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 07/04/2016 17:00

Sertraline is what was prescribed - standard one I think.

I took ds swimming this afternoon, my nom sat with dd in the cafe. Dd isn't eating much and is sleeping a lot. I don't think think this is a very good sign... However I'd rather she had it first because as I understand it the pox gets worse as it passes amongst family members so if she caught it from me she may get a worse dose whereas hopefully I will catch it from her instead.

I fear the ship has sailed re the feeding. I do get her myself occasionally.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 07/04/2016 17:00

Try not get!

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Original poster
SweetElizaRose · 07/04/2016 18:20

Feeling dreadful tonight
I went and got my antivirals and the pharmacist (who I know well) was asking about why I had them. I explained the situation and the two other adults waiting in the pharmacy then said they'd had chicken pox as adults. One had had to be admitted to hospital with chicken pox related pneumonia and the other said it was most ill he'd ever been. This did not help. Dd full of cold, not eating and sleeping all the time. I really wish I hadn't had her. Better never to have had her than to lose her now. Dh was on about booking a holiday in the summer but I can't look that far ahead, even tomorrow feels scary at the moment. I'm so tired I don't think I can go on. I don't know how I'm going to get through the night.

OP posts:
MrsKCastle · 07/04/2016 18:42

Try not to listen to scaremongering. People like to exaggerate and give you horror stories. You've got the antiviral s now so you know that you've got some protection. And it's still possible that none of you will get chicken pox.

Did you talk to your mom about how you're feeling? I hope she was supportive.