If I die can I insist dh takes dc to see my parents?

[SweetElizaRose]

I'm fairly sure I'm going to die. I suffer terribly anxiety and recently have come into contact with chicken pox to which I am not immune. I have a strong feeling it's going to kill me.
I'm an only child and my parents will be devastated. Dh does not get on with my parents and I likely to take the children and go ang live with his mother. Is there any way I can legally put anything into place to give them some access? Dh works full time so I'd like my parents to be able to do some of the childcare. Also my dc are close to my parents so I feel they would benefit from seeing them as ds in particular will be very upset. Dd is only a baby so won't really know either way.

It's really worrying me. Or do I just have to discuss it with dh and hope he will be reasonable?

Hi Eliza

Please call the surgery first thing this morning and explain you have no antidepressants. I think it's better you talk about this sooner with them rather than later. A phone appointment is a great idea.

Are you worried about the splitting headache being pox? You don't seem to be too worried about that now compared to a few days back... Which would be a good thing, but you still need your anxiety under control.

Maybe you can take a nap when your daughter sleeps today too.

Please call the GP back. A professional has prescribed you medication that they believe you need to take. You husband has thrown them away. He is not a medical professional, and does not know better. You need to tell the GP that you need that prescription again.

Your husband does not know better and has no right to make these decisions for you

^^ your husband is not helping you.

Have you asked him to do a night of nightfeeds?

How long until you're through the period of possible contraction? You're doing so well.

I have had chicken pox as an adult, I was a little poorly and then fine- I also have a compromised immune system. My dad also had it- didn't even realise and passed it onto my newborn baby brother. Both were very mild cases.

Please go back and see your GP, get your prescription renewed, and be kind to yourself. At some point you will look back on this and be able to see with clarity how much your anxiety was clouding your vision; I really think with the help of your GP that point can be soon.

Dd still full of cold which I'm guessing could well be the start of chickenpox (day 10 now)

I'm so cross with my friend for not telling us that her dd may likely have chickenpox.
My gran is really ill in hospital and now I cant go and visit her until I know if we have pox. By which time frankly it may be too late as she's been taken very ill.
On a less serious note ds can't go to a party he was invited to today in case we infect everyone here and dd can't have her jabs which were booked in for Thursday (they won't give them, I've checked).

Hi Eliza, nice to "see" you. I hope DS isn't too disappointed about the party. Can DD not have the jabs on Thursday because of the cold or in case of chickenpox? No definite sign of anything yet, I assume, or you would have said. I don't know how you're feeling about DH being away. Are you planning to go back to GP?

Because of the chickenpox exposure...
Ds is not pleased about the party. It seems wrong to go and infect everyone else.
I'm feeling worried about dh being away but then will it make much difference?

Eliza, I really think you should take your son to the party. Surely he'll be going to school on Monday? You really can't stop him doing things on the off chance that he might be incubating chicken pox. I understand not going to hospital which is full of vulnerable people but I really wouldn't avoid the party. Might do you all the world of good to get out of the house and see some friendly faces

There are babies at the party though... And I know a couple of people are pregnant. They might be immune but I'm not sure without asking!

Did your friends child actually come down with the chickenpox in the end? I know she said her DD was feeling out of sorts and her nursery said it was going around. Did it actually turn into chickenpox or was the poor mite just poorly in general?

Yes. She messaged me the night we'd seen them to say her daughter was covered in spots.

She hadn't told me about it going round her daughter's nursery of them sending her home. If she had we would have delayed seeing them for a week or so!

That's why I'm annoyed!

Yes, but was she covered in spots before you were there? I phoned the school to report that DD1 was unwell so wouldn't attend school. The HT said 'what's she like?' I said 'tired, grizzly....maybe a cold...she's just not right.' HT said 'Hmm....had chicken pox yet?' 'No'.

Two hours later her first spot appeared and by the evening she was absolutely covered. Chicken pox spots develop in the blink of an eye -one minute the skin is clear, the next minute the skin is covered in spots.

You can't keep a child away from all other children in case their sniffles turns to chicken pox. Also, they're contagious before the spots appear.

I know but if you were meeting a friend with a small premature baby and your daughter had been sent home from nursery the day before feeling 'off' and chickenpox was currently rife in the nursery would you not think to mention it? I would.

I would mention it but the issue here isn't chicken pox. It's the crippling anxiety that's controlling your every thought process.
Seek help for that ASAP.

You really don't need to isolate yourselves just in case you are incubating cp. I have no idea where DS picked it up from, no-one else at nursery or who we saw had it. We were at soft play in the morning and his spots started appearing that afternoon. No one we were with caught it, despite sharing drinks, grubbing around in ball pits etc. You just can't reliably predict these things.

I think it is normal to be anxious about a prem baby and an adult with no immunity and a chronic condition already developing chickenpox...

I understand for most people it doesn't present an issue. But you only have to be unlucky and let's face it I'm not exactly the luckiest person ever so if it's going to happen to anyone it will be me!

I think people are concerned because you were planning both your funerals and had suicidal thoughts. That's way beyond normal health anxiety. Are you still having those thoughts?

Anna rose that's my point.
I'm not saying your friend wasn't thoughtless. I'm not saying you should be completely unconcerned about chicken pox BUT your response is out of proportion to the risk.

I agree. Yes it's normal to be concerned about illness but not to this degree. Your anxiety seems to have escalated the worst potential consequences of chicken pox from very unlikely to definitely going to happen. But its still really, very, very unlikely, and it's that sense of proportion that you could do with some help with.

I'm reeling from your DH having thrown your ADs in the bin! Please head to the GPs again for more, they're the professionals who saw a medical need for them, not him. How supportive is he generally when you our the kids are ill?

I can completely see why you are annoyed with your friend. I think she should have let you know about her daughter being sent home from nursery, even without the chicken pox risk. With a premature baby, I think it should have been your decision to expose/not expose her to possible illness.

As others have said though, your response has been out of proportion due to your anxiety. Your thoughts about funerals and deciding not to buy clothes the next size up are beyond 'normal' worries. I hope you can recognise that your anxiety is changing your perspective on this.

That's why you need the meds. I'm so angry with your husband for throwing them away. The most charitable explanation I can think of is that he's in denial and wants to believe that there's 'nothing wrong'. He needs to change his mind and shape up pretty damn quickly. In the meantime, please, please go to see your GP tomorrow, or phone and explain what has happened and get a repeat prescription.

It was a bit thoughtless to bring an ill child to visit someone with a preemie (or even full term) baby but tbh cpx is 'going round' half the year so if you are going to stop visiting people because you were exposed to cpx a week ago, thats going to be an ongoing scenario for you. It isnt really realistic in fact. Just go and visit your elderly relative and take your son to the party. My son was immunocompromised for years. We never expected everyone to stay away if they'd met a person who later came down with cpx. Just to stay away if actually definitely got cpx. In the end he caught it off his nursery worker! He was fine.

Why not just get vaccinated anyway, the sites i read said it is fine for bf women (presumably they therefore have small babies!) to have the vaccine. You could always double check with the nicu unit if you were still worried about transmitting it to your daughter (tiny theoretical risk)

They won't vax me. I've already asked. Because of the tiny theoretical risk