Keeping it real in the depersonalisation/derealization hang out thread

[JeepersMcoy]

Following a thread in Chat where a few people have said they suffer from depersonalisation and derealization issues I thought it would be nice to move the conversation to somewhere a bit safer and out of the Chat traffic. It has really helped me to just hear that there are other people out there who feel how I feel and I would love to be able to come and share good days and bad days with you all.

Biscuits, cakes and nibble are provided along with a selection of hot and cold, alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages (all dietary requirement catered for). Pull up a chair and and together we can attempt to hold onto some semblance of reality.

Ah, yes. In that sense DH and I were both fully cooked when we met; furthermore he took on cooking for both of us for a bit last year. Bit much after a while, that is.

I am a lot better now. It has been a learning process for both of us.

Metaphor, eh?

Room, glad to hear you saw your Doctor and went for a swim. Lovely weather for a dip.

Today is my first non-working day now I have moved to working 4 days a week. I have done loads of stuff, sorted some kitchen cupboards, done the shopping, got a new toilet seat (glamorous or what!). I feel all productive!

Think I will make some curry now :)

How is everyone else today?

Crikey! V productive. Don't overdo it Jeepers.

(How was the curry?)

I am...I am glad it is Friday. Today, I am glad that it is Friday. That means that tomorrow is swimming day. Hurrah!

I think a four day a week working pattern is much more civilised than a five day a week working pattern. I had a friend who worked for an organisation where the entire organisation worked four days per week. I think they did 8am to 6pm, Monday to Thursday. For those of you who have DC, do you think that such a pattern would be helpful, or a total nightmare? I was trying to work this out, but it is difficult for me to get a sense of how a parent might experience this. Maybe a parent would need to work four-fifths hours and do 9am - 5pm, Monday through Thursday, in order to fit with childcare. I have no DC and it is difficult for me to imagine what would happen. I guess that it is so individual depending on the specific family situation, age of the DC, setup for the parents, etc etc.

Hi all.

Childcare is a minefield.
I'm not working atm but it's so much easier for me to work as near to school hours as possible.
My last job was a night shift, a nightmare to juggle with the DC.

I haven't a clue what I'll do next, workwise.
My DC are big enough to be left but it's a movable feast with how often, how late, will they bicker etc

I worked that pattern pre-dc and it was great. The problem is that childcare round here tends to run from 8-6 so it just wasn't possible once I had dd. You would need childcare available from at least 7-7, which would mean a nanny I guess. Also on working days I would barely see dd and that is with a half hour walk home. If you had a longer commute I think you would lose more child time than you would gain.

The curry was very nice thanks. I have left over for lunch.

I had some crazy derealization on the way to work this morning, but it seems to have settled down now thankfully.

Is there a difference between derealization and depersonalization?

Also, happy weekend everyone, and thanks for the input regarding childcare and working patterns. It is useful for me to know these things. As far as I can work out there is no easy way to bring up children, but maybe I only have that impression because I have been reading MN for years and years. Who knows?

I think in their simplest definition derealization is when the world around you doesn't seem real and depersonalisation is when you (or parts of you) don't feel real. In both cases you know that the world and you are real, but it just seems like they are not. It's hard to explain that bit. I tend to get derealization more than depersonalisation. I had a month or so at one of my worst points when everything (houses, trees, roads, hills, etc) looked as if they had been cut from paper. I knew they weren't paper and that it was just my brain being weird, but it genuinly looked that way.

I agree with you that there is no single way of parenting that I'd easy for everyone. You just have to go with what works best for you at the time and try not to stress about it too much I think.

Ah, that makes sense. Thank you. I have never had what you describe, but I do get this thing where everything starts to seem laden with symbolism, which can be quite frightening. For example, advertisements often appeal to emotion so traveling on public transport can take on this vaguely threatening patina because there are advertisements everywhere, referring to things like getting away from it all or fixing or improving something somehow.

I was never diagnoses with psychosis but many years ago I had an episode of the TV talking to me and other related phenomena. I was very unwell at the time, and by the time I surfaced coherent enough to have a conversation and hence get a diagnosis this stuff had faded away. I also imagine and from what little I remember from that time that I did not tell anyone what I was experiencing, so my notes would not have talked about my losing touch with reality, but maybe they did? It was horrific. I would have been admitted to hospital under a section but for the fact I was not in a fit state to protest about anything so I was admitted as an informal patient. I am terrified of that ever returning. I was not taking illegal drugs but it was like I imagine tripping to be.

Anyway, today I went swimming, which was nice.

I get depersonalization.
I don't believe I exist.
Very disorienting and trippy.

It's very hard to explain whilst it's happening and once it's dissipated and floated away, I struggle to remember how intense it can feel.

My cycle seems to go

Build up of very intense energy, my body replicates the physical effects of having taken ecstasy
I'll sustain that for 3-4 days, then crash, zoom down, wrecked.
I'll zone out in zombie mode for a couple of days and if that drags on, I switch off, which sometimes strays into depersonalization.

Bloody exhausting

What grounding techniques do you use?

(Crikey, that sounds terribly personal!)

I have some but I am always looking for more:

• colouring in
• going outside
• eating or drinking something
• rubbing handcream into my hands
• benzodiazepines
• Radio 4
• Camomile tea
• Coffee
• Coffee shops

If all else fails, retreat under the duvet and shake for a while.

Coping technique's

Ummm..... I'm a veteran at blanket trembling

I have a non stop conversation with myself, constantly reassuring myself, talking myself down.
I'm very prepared if I have to leave the house, engage with people.
All short spurts of doing, seeing.
I control my mood with music, especially in the car on my way to wherever. It helps use up excess energy.
Medication
Lots of quiet and time alone
Avoidance of people who unnerve me
Making sure I see the three people who make me feel safe.
Breathing exercises
My house is full of little talismans (to me) things that make me smile, feel good etc
Textures that feel safe, lots of sensory stuff.
Comfort eating
Having DC near

"blanket trembling"

Hello!

Sorry I have been a bit absent recently. Just got back from a week in Cornwall. And it's been lovely. DH and were camping - just the two of us. I took some food to save cash but because I get anxious about getting back to the tent to start tea, DH insisted we ate out most nights - sod the cost he said.

We travelled a lot on the buses - that was because I get anxious about parking! We went to padstow in the car but it was heaving and DH said he could feel my anxiety - so he took me to Rick steins for my lunch and whisked me up to the moors away from the 'madding crowd'

I did get anxious last night as I knew we would be pulling a tent down in rain so I didn't sleep very well.

Lovely DH has insisted we have a take away tonight as we have travelled for eight hours today and spent ages sorting everything out.

So all in all a good time!!!

And .... I had my bloods done a couple of weeks ago and I need to up my thyroxine so hopefully I will stop feeling so fucking knackered!

Camping sounds lovely inaclearing

Sounds like a really good time away clearing :)

Sounds like a lovely time away. It sounds as if your DH took a lot of care of you.

Is anyone able to explain the appeal of camping?

I feel as if camping is the sort of thing I ought to like, because I am quite outdoorsy and can sleep almost anywhere. Maybe one needs a Really Good Tent as well as to eat out most nights? My camping experience is limited and was about fifteen years ago and with kit that was ten years older than that. I quite fancy Glamping, but that seems to me to cost about the same as a hotel, so I thought, well, I might as well just stay in a hotel...

The answer is yes - good quality kit, not skimping on luxuries and eating out a lot.

We have a four man tent for the two of us so it's nice and roomy. We use a combination of duvet and double sleeping bag ( we usually sleep on top of the bag - makes it super comfy). Electric hookup so we can run things off it. Proper crockery etc. comfy chairs and footstools. A heater and a fridge for .... Wine and chocolate!!!

Tent is an Outwell cape 400. Good make and has fab extras.

Oh and the best thing to have is a porta potty for those wees in the night....

Okay. My formative experience of camping was the Duke of Edinburgh's award, which was over fifteen years ago, involved tents about ten years older still, trangias with paraffin (gas came in later, too dangerous for the first DoE trip), and a moratorium on mobile phones.

Memorably, foot and mouth hit during the middle of my DoE years, which meant that we spent the second DoE camping trip redoing the first DoE camping trip because by DoE regulation we would have gone somewhere more exciting but we could not due to the land in the slightly wilder terrain being closed to walkers. So we walked and camped somewhere local to us, for the second time in as many years, and took an extra day to do it in order to qualify for our Silver awards.

I have no regrets over having done DoE, all the way to my Gold award indeed, but I did come away from the thing with a lifetime aversion to camping as one of the legacies of my experience. I did some great volunteering activities though which I do not think I would have done otherwise, and which I continue to do on-and-off, so all is not lost.

And all good things come to an end....

Just broken down infront of DH as I feel very scared and not here at all. I told him I felt like I was in a dream or at the worse I feel like I have died and I am just a ghost walking through the house.

I also don't feel like the house belongs to me .... Which is weird as I have lived here for nearly 25 yrs!

We have had a walk round the garden and eaten some plums off the tree.

Sat now with a cup of tea trying to calm down......

Bless you inaclearing
That sounds very frightening for you.
I'm glad your DH is there

How you feeling today inaclearing

Hello

Feeling physically ill and exhausted.

Washed camping stuff but not put it away.

Sat on sofa watching shit Telly but I have my laptop open trying to get ready for new term... I can't even look at it.

Overwhelming feeling of nausea

Horrible

Hi clearing I hope you are feeling a bit better today.

I have noticed that we all seems to suffer from crashes after highs (or even not so lows). It is a bit of a theme.

Today I went and spoke to someone about doing some volunteering. Now I am down to 4 days a week at work I thought it would do me good to do something a bit different and meet some other people. I am actually quite excited about it, though also a bit terrified :)