Keeping it real in the depersonalisation/derealization hang out thread

[JeepersMcoy]

Following a thread in Chat where a few people have said they suffer from depersonalisation and derealization issues I thought it would be nice to move the conversation to somewhere a bit safer and out of the Chat traffic. It has really helped me to just hear that there are other people out there who feel how I feel and I would love to be able to come and share good days and bad days with you all.

Biscuits, cakes and nibble are provided along with a selection of hot and cold, alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages (all dietary requirement catered for). Pull up a chair and and together we can attempt to hold onto some semblance of reality.

I really wish it was too. Its the only thing that truly helps my anxiety

Rough day today

Hello everyone. I have been a bit all over the place and not on the thread for a bit.

It sounds like a chat with you friend really helped bursar. There have been done studies . that giving to charity or doing something good for someone else has a measurable positive impact on people well-being, so you are probably right that spending some time helping your friend did make you feel better. (Thats Jeepers' random fact for the day folks)

We had an amazing day out yesterday at the seaside with a friend of ours. It was perfect! Of course now today I am coming down after all that loveliness. I wish I could have a good time without crashing afterwards and ending up feeling so depressed and awful.

Sorry to hear that erinaceus. What's been going on for you?

Your day sounds really great Jeepers, and I hope the come down hasn't been too bad.

I have a follow up appointment tonight in the hospital. A bit of a weird time, but this way I get to see the same psych nurse I saw last time, as he works nights. I don't know how I am really. I've had to skip my art exhibition's launch event today, as I was just too anxious. Still feeling shaky and a bit tearful and all over the place, despite diazepam.

Big hugs for erinaecus and Bursars ... Really big hugs

Thank you. I was trying to get out of the house and cursing the fact it seemed so daunting. I was mostly throwing a strop about it upthread. Thank you for the hugs. The mean a lot. I did make it out of the door in the end

It's coming up to a year since I started to really stop functioning and I think the year coming around again is shaking me up a bit. On the surface I am back to functioning somewhere approximating normal compared to a year ago, but some days are still difficult.

Hi all.
Glad you got out of the house erinaceus
Hope appointment went well Bursars

Seaside sounds lovely Jeepers
We used to live on the coast. I very much miss the sea.

I'm fairly wobbly today, have a meeting with HR at work later this afternoon.
They are just going through the motions for ending my contract (which is fine, will be a huge relief for me)
Not sure if they'll serve me my notice today.
It's all good and what I want, I just really, really don't want to deal with it today.
Having to put a fake face on and engage with them.
BUT..... No point putting it off.
I'm telling myself it's less than an hour and it will be sorted.

I'm just so tired and worn out..... Which I hate saying all the bloody time, but it's true.

Thanks Room.

How did your meeting go? I hope it went okay.

Thanks erinaceus
Meeting went ok, I have to go back Saturday where they'll officially give me notice.
They owe me money so I'm hoping that it all goes through and I don't have to deal with them anymore.
My anxiety is through the roof but I'm ok. It's almost not real itms.
I'm just sitting it out.

It sounds like it will be a big relief for you when it is all over and done with room and you can move on with things.

How was your appointment bursar, I hope it went OK for you.

I had built myself up for a meeting with my manager today, I want to request a reduction in my hours to 4 days a week and I really don't know if they will want to give it to me or not. Of course she cancelled at the last minute and tried to move it to next week. I ended up getting annoyed and insisting she see me tomorrow as I am away over the weekend and will only have it hanging over me if I don't have the conversation before I go. I hate it when you get all ready for something and then it doesn't happen.

Room I hope it all works out okay.

JeepersMcoy I agree with you, I find the up-and-down trajectory of building up to something that does not happen disorientating. I hope today goes well.

I am also making some changes with work involving meetings like those you describe. This week, however, I am off work and having a staycation at home. The bananas thing is I read my work emails when I am on vacation (or staycation). I find that if I do not read them I only get more anxious about what might be waiting for me when I go back to work .

In reality there is approximately zero probability of anything happening that would not be better dealt with overall by my taking a complete break during my vacation time. Oh well.

It took me years to stop looking at emails and stuff when on leave Erin. It is so hard when you are prone to being anxious. I had to just completely ban myself from looking at anything to do with work for my maternity and go cold turkey. I'm way better now and it is better for me to just detach. If I look at emails I just end up feeling I have to do something about them and end up even more stressed.

My meeting seemed to go well, but if I have learned anything recently it is that words mean nothing and until it has all gone through the full formal process and my work pattern is formally changed I won't count on it actually happening.

Jeepers I feel inspired that you managed to do it despite it taking years. I can see that maternity leave may be a time when I am obliged to cut myself off, if and when that time comes - I am not a parent yet, but I do hope and plan to be.

Regarding work, someone who works in HR in a different company to mine told me: go by what they do not what they say. I hope that the full formal process does not take longer than it has to.

Hi all

It's official. I am terminated
All very (faux) friendly but it's done.
Will double check with my union Monday that they've fulfilled their legal requirements but the face to face stuff is finished with.
Money owed is due in September, if that's wrong, I'll deal with it then.

Big relief

Sorry for the radio silence. I've had another assessment today, and I'm being rereferred to secondary mental health services, after more than five years of being "free" of them. Not sure if I'm relieved or disappointed in myself.

On a plus side, had some awesome Moroccan lamb and salad for dinner.

I hope you're all having a decent weekend. Great to hear it's finally done Room and you have the relief of it being over.

Bursars I totally get the disappointed in yourself feeling but it's not the reality.
You're ill and are getting support.... It's a good thing.
Tell the bit of you that whispers about disappointment I told it to F off.

I am having a burst of energy so have been carrying on with DIY and gardening jobs.
Lots of ripping out dead plants and chopping and cutting.
Housework feels like a life sentence to me but give me an excuse to get mucky outside and I'll dig for hours

Getting help when you need it is a good thing bursars. I'm sorry that you need to though because being ill is always crappy whatever the illness. Do be kind to yourself.

I just survived a festival this weekend. It was a really small one, but still well out of my comfort zone. I just feel exhausted and a bit numb now we are home. I'm not sure I ever want to do it again to be honest, but it was for dh and I am glad I managed to give it a go for him even if I was an anxious miserable wreck for quite a bit of it. Poor dh having to look after me and dd.

Hello out there... Is everyone OK?

Hello Jeepers. I am here. Which is a start. I am okay. Finding it hard, but okay.

I am about to go outside in the sunshine. In general, going outside helps me.

How are you this Friday?

Hi all

All ok here, coming down after my burst of energy but got lots done, so looking forward to crashing a bit and hopefully getting some sleep.

Have been following/commenting on a thread where OP is standing by her paedophile partner.
Very triggering but erm.... I don't know the word.

My abuser can't harm me, I'm ok ITMS

Being here is a good start Erin. I'm planning on and time in the sunshine today to.

I find there are some threads I suggest of can't bear but can't start away from room. I have had to take time out from mn in the past or restrict what threads I go on. I think I am having a stage where I need to just stay away from certain topics.

Morning

Agree Jeepers
Some days I know I can't go near certain subjects.
Yesterday I was able though.

It's roasting here already
I might tackle some painting today, I'm feeling semi productive

My semi productive feeling has bit me on the arse.

I've built a bookcase and somehow put a shelf in upside-down
I'm too lazy to reassemble it so have heaped books on it and told myself it doesn't matter.

It's slightly above my eye line, I'm training myself not to look at it.

Mood has been OK for a few days.
My anxiety is high if I have to leave the house but I'm kinda used to that.
Am finally seeing doc next week for a med review. Have put it off for weeks.

I love putting together flat pack furniture but have never yet managed to do a bookcase without a back to front shelf sneaking in somewhere :o

I'm feeling pretty good today. I was really anxious yesterday, but managed to have a really lovely chat won't dh about some relationship stuff I have been fretting about (when in bed in the dark, so he couldn't look at me ). He was great and it was really positive. I feel so much better today.

'Won't' should be 'with'.... obviously...