Keeping it real in the depersonalisation/derealization hang out thread

[JeepersMcoy]

Following a thread in Chat where a few people have said they suffer from depersonalisation and derealization issues I thought it would be nice to move the conversation to somewhere a bit safer and out of the Chat traffic. It has really helped me to just hear that there are other people out there who feel how I feel and I would love to be able to come and share good days and bad days with you all.

Biscuits, cakes and nibble are provided along with a selection of hot and cold, alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages (all dietary requirement catered for). Pull up a chair and and together we can attempt to hold onto some semblance of reality.

Good day today: managed to return to the sport I love, for the first time in a over a year. I went to a training session. Simultaneously a small milestone and a big achievement for me - it allows me to see that I did make it through the worst bit.

Impressed by the furniture assembly. I have never tried to assemble furniture. My DH has worked in that type of area since before I met him, so he just does it all in seconds. Hats off to you all!

Glad you enjoyed sport thing erinaceus

I tried on a new swimming costume today, it's the nearest I've been to anything sporty in a long time
I love building things.
We've been floating about for a few years, so it's been lovely to have a shed, tools etc again
My wobbles about putting down roots are offset (a bit) every time I use my new drill

Jeepers glad your chat helped.
There's something soothing about darkness, it strips every thing back.

Swimming is my sport - how did you guess? I love the water. I've swum through everything - grief, joy, exams...so glad to be back in the pool today.

Enjoy your home assembly. I am impressed

Love the water, always have.

I feel at home in the water, I'm always completely mesmerised by it.

Yes. Getting back into the water felt like coming home.

I have always thought I would like a job as one of those people who put other people's IKEA furniture together. I just love it. There is something so satisfying about taking all the bits and making something useful out of them. I always love the cleverness of how they design all the different pieces. It is my favourite thing :)

Congratulations on getting back in the pool Erin!

Do you know IKEA Hackers? My DH loves all of that. In our marriage, we divide and conquer. I am the administrative department. He is maintenance.

I do feel like a failure as a feminist. If we split up, I would be left with blown lightbulbs and he would pay more than is necessary for his gas and electricity bills. For a while at least. I am sure I would figure it out.

Good to know that there are people you can pay to assemble IKEA furniture.

(Things are not great in my marriage right now.)

Thank you for the congratulations. They mean a lot to me.

Just had a nose at Ikea Hackers.
Perfect site for my scavenger fix

I like things that fit, I admire neatness..... Probably because they aren't in my nature.
Smooth edges and hidden fixtures, love them.
I get a great kick out of fancy kitchen showrooms (sad bugger )

Sorry to hear that erinaceus

We live in an area with lots of renters and first homers - young couples usually move away to start a family. We once went to our local council-run recycling centre and it was an IKEA graveyard. DH was quite distressed.

I have this idea of a photojournalism project involving alternating rows of photos: on odd rows, an IKEA product being inspected or purchased at our nearest branch; on even numbered rows, the same number of images of the same product, discarded at the recycling centre. You could probably suggest some products - Billy bookcases are the only ones I can name. I think if you took a few years over it you would be able to match up the colours of the products as well.

Thanks Room. I think that the marriage will survive. It is rough at the moment, but I think it we will pull through. And if not, I will be back on here asking for IKEA help.

I would always be happy to help put together some ikea furniture erin.

I love the idea of your photo project. I have a bit of an obsession with rubbish and waste. I wrote about it a lot for my degree and MA dissertations. I keep wanting to do a photo project on people's skips. Just lots of photo's of skips and the things in them. I'd love to be able to photograph the skip and then take everything out and photograph all the random bits of wood and bricks and household bits all neatly lined up in rows.

Possibly yours is a little more achievable though.

Love both your project ideas

I used to love those series in Sunday supplements, where each week, someone would empty the contents of their handbag or bin etc and explain the whys and wherefores.

I love hearing individual stories.

Second my services if you ever need maintenance help

I've never been in a grown up relationship.
I have lived with boyfriends, but before DC and in my drinking days, so they don't really count.
I've never had that shared life with anyone.
I admire it in friends.

I like stories too. And transience and illusion, which, I think, is at the root of my project idea.

Bit deep, this IKEA chat.

I love illusion, from a distance itms.

I've lived (and still live a bit) such a smoke and mirrors existence, that I'm wary.

Something similar to how water is for me.
So very attractive and enticing, but too hypnotic.
Have to remind myself of the danger.

Fluidy things, unstructured things draw me in too much.
I get lost and overwhelmed.
And sometimes I want too, hence the need for distance

So the tangible click of a well hung door keeps me grounded.
A bit.

room I am almost the opposite. I have never really not been in a relationship. I have tended to move from one to another really quickly and not always intentionally. I got lucky with dh I think. I am amazingly glad I have him, but also envy friends who have their own space and are free to change themselves without worrying so much about the impact that may have on another person.

I sort of wish I was doing all this sorting my head out as a single person, so I could then just start a fresh as myself rather than trying to squash myself into the shape I thought the world wanted me to be in. I sort of feel like I have misled dh about who I am in a way, though that was never my intention.

On the transience subject I also got really obsessed with the idea of liminal spaces for a time. Places that are neither one place of another but on the way to somewhere. Like bridges and tunnels, or airports and service stations. They sort of exist in a separate dimension where everyone is nowhere, inbetween things. There is something wonderfully anonymous about them. You can sit in a service station and feel like you have stepped outside of real life.

Heh.

I call it smoke-and-mirrors, too.

I like to think I might meet someone.
I've never met anyone who was able, tbh.
Of the three guys I've dated sober (5+ years) all three have buckled at the point of committing.

They weren't capable of managing their emotional issues.
I don't mean that in an arrogant way.

To be wanted, not needed, is something I've not experienced.

Being lonely is tough, but I've been worse things

Yes. I agree. Being lonely is...lonely...

Do you like poetry? I saw this this morning.

I should have said, congratulations on being >5 years sober. Such exercises can be thankless, from time to time. And congratulations on insisting on relationships with people who are good enough for you. I demand exacting standards from the people to whom I relate intimately. I deserve no less

My DH cuts the mustard. He is exhausted, is more the problem - it has been a rough year for me, and by extension, him as well. His exhaustion is one of the reasons I started seeking support from MN. He cannot be the only thing that grounds me. I am learning to do it myself.

Different boats, same sea, is what I said to someone who told me we are all in the same boat. Different boats, same sea.

I do know what you mean room. One of the things I love about dh is that he doesn't need me. We are good for each other. I believe his life is better with me in it, but he would be fine if I wasn't here. It is very freeing to be with someone like that. He is 12 years older than me though, which I think helped as he had already proved he could survive perfectly well on his own when we got together.

Gosh, we are a chatty bunch today.

Love poetry

I occasionally run poetry/creative writing workshops, when I'm motivated enough!!

Jeepers Yes, like your DH.
A fully cooked person
Self awareness is extremely attractive

Morning
How is everyone today?

Hi room,

I think I am OK. I have that general sense of floating along really. Not sure what's going on exactly, but nothing terrible is happening so that's alright.

How are you?

I went to a poetry workshop once. I liked it. I quite fancy having a go at performance poetry one day. Button poetry is an inspiration to me.

I am okay today.

I am not sure anyone is every fully cooked? I would be wary of anyone who declared that they knew themselves. Half-baked is much more fun. More potential, that way.

These past couple of days I was reminded of how valuable dissociation is. The opposite threatens to overwhelm me, sometimes. I am okay. A bit exhausted, but okay.

Sorry, I asked how everyone was and then drifted off!!

I'm OK.
Saw doc first thing, have upped my ADs back to 40mg.
My anxiety is very physical and obvious ATM so hopefully the increase will sort me out.
Plus a refill of emergency Diazepam.

Went to local lido this afternoon.
Packed but lovely, done me good
They run a twilight swim which I've promised myself I'll get to.

erinaceus partially cooked is best, you're right.
I think I've only met fellas who weren't brave enough to admit their worries or fears.
Those who denied their smoke and mirrors.

White elephant??? What bloody white elephant?? Dunno what you're talking about Room

I think by fully cooked what is meant is that they are grown up enough to take care of themselves and don't need you to be their mother/carer. DH isn't a fully formed unchangeable all knowing being, but he is a grown up with his own interests and ways of doing stuff. I like that :)