Need support but mn keep deleting my posts

[elementofsurprise]

and I dont understand why.

It has really helped me being on here the last couple of days. Theres a man who I thought was a friend not treating me very nicely, but I need his help so I kind of stuck. But having people on here to talk to ws helping.

MN keep sayng to seek real life help, but I have and have detailed it on these threads. it feels so horrible, I feel so worthless and hopeless and s alone I cnt even post on an anonymous forum. I have written abut how services are responding, I have said I am going to contact MIND and things, why aren't i allowed support on here?

I would like MN to tell me what they think the servces are going to do, cos it sure as hell isnt supporting me like kind MNers have been doing. Do MN think there is a lovely kind supportive hospital place waiting for me or something?

I want to go and see the abusive man cos I feel so alone and he might be nice and hug me. I know its not a good idea in othe ways so i came on here to talk about it only to find my thread deleted. I just dont get it, ther people can post about v v dodgy abusive realtionships and get support, why cant i? I cant post in realtionships cos MH is a big aspect, whereas in MH my post is tumbleweed.

This meant a lot and i just do not know what to do, the services wont/cant offer much help, even if they agree to take me on it'll be months til I get an appt and then it'd be fortnightly or something, my GP isnt in today, and even calling MIND etc, its just not the same as this site which is 24/7. What are MN expecting to happen when I seek help? it seems so cruel and really hurting me to delete my threads, what the hell do they think will happen? feel like im being bullied, kicked when im down, cut off as a worthless human being.

I dont think id really like to survive an apocalypse I find it weird that people do!
erm i can do woodwork type stuff... sew... greenfingered... except everything might be dead/full of radiation or whatever.

purple i live in an area with v v severe budget cuts and high need so community centres, groups etc dont really exist, have looked for charity ones. Thing is what to do when v unwell/in crisis as thats when servics should help really.

I have pets, rbbits, they are lovely, one was sleeping on my bed and licking my dressing gown yesterday all day, think he knew.

Awww! Bunnies! They are just lovely-my GPs lick my hands which is very cute but are much more likely to try and nibble their way through clothes. Your bunnies must be better behaved.

my therapit has just refuse to ork with me

not ok very not k now

What did your therapist say exactly? Did (s)he give reasons?

i trusted her.. ow could she do this/?

I understand you must be feeling upset, and I'm sorry. If you tell us a bit more it would help us to help you.

You say that if you couldn't walk people wouldn't expect you to try', but actually that isn't true at all!

I work in intensive care. Only the sickest patients get there. Sometimes patients are referred to ICU and the referring doctor is told that they're sick, yes, and may well become sick enough for ICU, but they're not that sick yet and an outreach team works with the team looking after them at that point to suggest ways of avoiding an admission to ICU. Sometimes that can just about avoid admission and other times it will only delay it. But it's important that they do avoid it if at all possible because every day in an ICU bed, ventilated, equates to about a week of recovery time.

When patients are treated in ICU/HDU as soon as they are awake enough to converse, they are told something very simple: "Only you can make yourself better and the only way to make yourself better is to get moving and 'normalising'. Get eating, get drinking, get those IV drugs shifted to oral drugs. Sit on the edge of the bed with the physios. Sit out in the chair even if it exhausts you. Stand up even though you were still being ventilated yesterday. Because the only way to heal the body is to use it.

It's the same thing here. If you wait to be better before you do things you'll never get there.

lougle i had an operation earlier i the year. i was up and about in no time, champing at the bit to leave, they came round to check i'd been to the loo hours after i had (almost as soon as id got back from theatre, wheeling my drip).

I declined more painkilers cos im used to pain and fid physical pain much eaier to bear than mental,
I went to a friends house in the evening, only realised might not be god idea when halfway walkin there.

had to be forced to sit down and rest for few days.
Becuse i am SO used to pushing myself. whole thing was so weird, ppl saying rest, being kind and suportive, found it really hard not to push myself cos i am so used to that. was complete oppostie of when im in mental pain.

so I think my physical comparison was fine actualy. in fact one person said they realised then how much i must try re. mental pain

plus ive been ding things! i have said that severaltimes. the only thing was i thoght id better wait til better to make new friends, because for years ive been trying to and eventually ralised ppl can tell im not ok even when i hide it, which is why my effrts are not paying off. i havent just not bothered, ive tried nd tried and decided to not bang my head gainst that prticular wall anymre.

emma i phned up to make a complaint bout her they were nice they seemed to understand which helped

just feel like shes been taking my money

What reason has she given for not seeing you any more?

i feelso hopeless this was my lifeline, the therapyi mean

feellike ive failed

she said therputic relationship broken down

thing is ive been skeptical of her for a while, as usual i didnt trust my insitnct nd left it until the person seriously hurt me

se seems like she doesnt listen. so i have to keep going over the basics. I get that se might not rmemeber everyting, but absoloute central basic stuff having to go over again and again.

Why have you been sceptical of her for a while? Why do you think she believes the therapeutic relationship has broken down? Was there anything you or she said that you or she weren't comfortable or happy with?

honestly ive had more helpful chats with friends than her. that feeling like they r on my side and 'get it' iyswim.
oh god the whole thing feels like another abusive relationship, ive done t agan, ive not got out in time, not read the warning igns

yes, she rly upset me so i lost it!

Cross posted.

It sounds like she wasn't the right therapist for you. It's not necessarily a reflection on either of you, it's just an incompatibility. It can be difficult to find the right therapist. But it you keep looking you may well find someone who is more suitable.

"she rly upset me so i lost it!"

What did you say to her?

You phoned to make a complaint about her and then she phoned back to say the therapeutic relationship had broken down?

Well, in fairness to her, if you filed a complaint about her then the therapeutic relationship has broken down and you both could hardly have carried on with your therapy sessions like nothing had happened.

You're perfectly entitled to have complained of course, but please don't frame this as you being abandoned by professionals again. If you felt like she was just taking your money and wasn't much help, then she wasn't much of a lifeline to you, not really.

ive had hideous experieces cos of bei refused psych help whe younger. so likea decade ago, when 19.

i grew up in dificult circumstances and hid it all and kept tying to make my life better. when 19 i knew i had problems so thought counselling would help. was labelled bpd (didnt end up in a and e self injuring or do suicide attmepts thouhh, tbh dont think bpd was right daignosis, but had RP accent in the north and was judged as spolitl brat i think)

and this was when bpd label meant exclusion from services, and other services eg homeless. so i had a hell of a time, forced to live with violent man no homeless help etc. i truggle with lots of nightmars etc and memories of this time. bpd label also got contempt and outright bullyig from certain staff.

but they didnt tell me the label, and i didnt have internet at home and so didnt know why on earth they seemed to have it in for me until a few yrs later. when label was removed actually.

nyway i stuffed all the experieces insisde and kept tryig to improve my life. i had some good times. i thought i was fine for a bit. Life was good, then i broke down. didnt know why cos had never felt shite without crap happening before. seems the relief of being happy/safe made my brain try to cope with the past. hav been trying since, sadly had some more bad experieces during those times and learn more about ppl and who you can or cant trust.

sorry theres my life stroy, oops. but i told therpist how bad i felt last two days and she said i'd refused help.

which given my history and the hell ive been through for preisely the opposite, really tore me apart and i flipped and shouted at her. but the thing is, its so central to my issues and experiences, hw the hell could she say that? has she not listened at any point?

i think when she phoned the gp worried he must of said it so she was parroting. but she shouldnt! it blew away everything.

honestly ive never known anyone so difficultwith having to start from scratch every time, not remembering anything.

sorry - dont mena ppl with bpd r spoilt brats either but just they judged me weidly and dont think they believed i could have had a difficult upbringing, actually i was not rich like they imagined

vague no, i compalined AFTER she said she couldnt work with me

util now despite my doubts ive kept trying to make it work, kept thinkin it must be me. oh fuck fuck fuck why dont i relise until its too late? why sont i listen to my instinct sooner