Need support but mn keep deleting my posts

[elementofsurprise]

and I dont understand why.

It has really helped me being on here the last couple of days. Theres a man who I thought was a friend not treating me very nicely, but I need his help so I kind of stuck. But having people on here to talk to ws helping.

MN keep sayng to seek real life help, but I have and have detailed it on these threads. it feels so horrible, I feel so worthless and hopeless and s alone I cnt even post on an anonymous forum. I have written abut how services are responding, I have said I am going to contact MIND and things, why aren't i allowed support on here?

I would like MN to tell me what they think the servces are going to do, cos it sure as hell isnt supporting me like kind MNers have been doing. Do MN think there is a lovely kind supportive hospital place waiting for me or something?

I want to go and see the abusive man cos I feel so alone and he might be nice and hug me. I know its not a good idea in othe ways so i came on here to talk about it only to find my thread deleted. I just dont get it, ther people can post about v v dodgy abusive realtionships and get support, why cant i? I cant post in realtionships cos MH is a big aspect, whereas in MH my post is tumbleweed.

This meant a lot and i just do not know what to do, the services wont/cant offer much help, even if they agree to take me on it'll be months til I get an appt and then it'd be fortnightly or something, my GP isnt in today, and even calling MIND etc, its just not the same as this site which is 24/7. What are MN expecting to happen when I seek help? it seems so cruel and really hurting me to delete my threads, what the hell do they think will happen? feel like im being bullied, kicked when im down, cut off as a worthless human being.

Deidre is probably spot on when she says your main issue at the moment is loneliness. That's why people are suggesting you volunteer - just for some simple human contact and the opportunity to make some friends.

They aren't suggesting volunteering as in "get a job", but as a means of getting you out and about and socialising a tiny bit.

im so cinfused i try to feel ok bout myself and try my best but i think its ok to need ome support? i would think it ok if it was someone else...

but then ppl just seem cross and i should be fine and its all my fult for not trying har enough nd that makes me feel bad again

im so confused

So ... if someone here said they understood, that would make you feel a bit "better"? Did you want someone else to rant about how it's horrible but not give you any advice?

Because I think that while there is a lot of misunderstanding about how mental health provision works, quite a few posters here have said they feel for you and can relate from similar problems. All they can do is say how they went about fixing it, and how you could potentially do it too.

As I said, I'm hugely sympathetic, but unfortunately I really sense that this forum can't give you what you need. You're asking for "support" repeatedly and really meaning "a close friendship", and it's making you very angry when no one can give you that. We can't hug you, or make tea. We can only say "This is how you could make friends".

Do you see how tricky this is and why MN may intervene again here?

How do you feel about medication, OP? You said you've tried various meds but didn't take them much. Sometimes they take a while to kick in and they can even make you feel worse before you feel better - so maybe that put you off?
I'm just thinking that with NHS services being so bad in your area, and with private therapy not being enough to help you cope day to day, meds might be a good option to help get you through?

*vauge) i psted here cos i was actively suicidl and desperte though. so ppl sugesting voluntering isnt hlpful in that context. no on sems to understnd ihave been fidning thigs harder nd arder not easier. im strgglin to feed myself even, but feel ueless and wothlss cos ppl r expecting me to go vounterring. im so hopeles, i cant even manage that

im not angry pl here can give me a clse friendship, where u getting that from?

im upset and hrt nd feel mre hopeless ppl are not understanding the positin im in and making mefeel wrse not understanding how services are and ssuming im doing something wrong and not trying hrd enough

I agree loneliness is a horrible consequence of being ill. But you have to be really careful not to rely on others to make you well-that's not something anyone else will be able to do for you. If you're looking for someone else to make you happy that's always going to end in failure. You can build up a magic friend in your mind who'll always come when you need them, always know what to say and always understand perfectly how you're feeling but those people don't generally exist in real life. It's better to develop coping mechanisms to manage without totally relying on friends. Volunteering would give you some company, which is probably why it was suggested but if you don't feel you can cope with it at the moment, maybe revisit it in the future when things have improved.

If your GP is ringing every day it sounds like he/she really cares about how you're getting on. Do any of the local charities have a befriending service? That might be a good way of getting to know people.

it ms be realy hopeless i must be to ill too ar gone for it to get better im not as good as other pl nto alowed suport i dont know how to mke it better ive tryed so hard im just not goos enough have to face the facts

I don't think you should volunteer. I don't think you are ready for that. I think you should stop making yourself go out, stop trying to be 'normal' and accept that you're not. Not at the moment, though it could change at some point.

I don't think you ought to try and engage with other people ifyou don't enjoy it or it makes you feel worse. I think stop, retreat, and reassess - see how it feels not doing all that. not trying to fit in and be normal.

It'll at least give you some perspective.

The psychosomatic symptoms you are having will worry you, that's normal, but they aren't going to hurt you because they aren't caused by anything physiological. They are stress making you notice every little thing, sad hormones being released, reactions to your unhappiness.

This is alright - it's just your body reacting to your mind. The one thing that will help you the most, IMO and I might be wrong, but that thing is accepting that your life is shit at the moment.

You have to accept it and then you have to deal with it. I don't mean change anything. I mean, look at yourself and think, realistically, Ok, this is something I can do, and this is something I can't. Break down how every thing you do makes you feel, if it is too hard, then stop.

Be like a baby again. Except this time you are the mummy, as well, and you get to choose what you do. Put on a sweater if you're cold. Have a packet of crisps if you fancy it. Listen to your body rather than freaking out about it. The reality is, that you are alright, you're human, you're alive, you're not sick. Everything works as it should (well mostly I guess)

Don't be afraid of these feelings. That's all they are. They can't climb out and strangle you. They re just feelings, in your head and they are part of you, and if you face them head on, and say 'I am not afraid of you', they will fuck off. Might take a short while, but they will.

it's to do with adrenalin and fight or flight...I found avoiding caffeine was a big stabiliser for me, too. Any toxins like that - they send your moods all over the place and that's not helpful when you just need to be calm.

You say "no one seems to understand" and "people are expecting me to go volunteering". But you're turning what one or two people said into absolutes. Maybe a few people don't understand, but plenty do. Maybe someone suggested volunteering and that wasn't appropriate, but it's not as if everyone who replied suggested that or said you should do it.
You are fixating on the negatives. That's not your fault, it's common in depression. But it would be more helpful to you to focus on the positives and the useful suggestions.
As PPs have said, everyone is trying to help you, even if we haven't all got it right. If you can't see that, I can understand why MN might delete the thread.

This thread isn't helping you, Element. Strangers on the internet can't be expected to understand your position, or how not to make you feel worse - you're expecting too much. You need help and advice that no one here is properly trained or qualified to give.

OP I am sorry you found my post hurtful. I really did not intend it to come across like that, but I do feel strongly that you would feel so much better if you got out of the house more and interacted with people.

Btw, does your mum not live near you? If my daughter were suffering as you are I would be round every day. I'm guessing though that she lives too far away to visit?

element

You have clearly explained that you feel a hug and a cup of tea with someone who cares would be a great support to you in general while you explore more tailored support for specific traumatic issues.

You have said this. You recognise this.

People aren't going to knock on your door and volunteer to be your friend. Not because it's you, but because that's not how human beings (usually) make friends. It's not a rejection of you as a person that you don't have people knocking on your door and volunteering to be your friend - that doesn't happen to any of us, well or otherwise.

So, if I said to you "I want to make new friends, how might I go about that?", what would you tell me? What would you suggest? How do you make this happen? You have to go out and find friends.

Because, my lovely, it's the only way it can happen. This is what people mean when they say it has to come from you. If you think this could be a solution to a lot of your current mental health troubles - to find some nice people to have coffee and a chat with - and golly, how brilliant would you feel having a few mates that you might be able to do this with, can't you channel the emotion potential from that into taking the first steps out of your door and down to the nearest church or coffee shop? The path is clearly laid out for you, and despite you saying you don't know what you need, I think you do. Or at least, you know what will help significantly.

You just need to take that first step. Put on your coat, count to ten, and take a walk out of the door. I believe you can do it. I believe you have the strength to go and get what will help you. I believe that people will smile hello to you and that you will be nice back, because I believe you are a nice person.

You are trying to find your way - this is it.

By the way, unless you want to be drugged up on ADs, the 'services' you mention aren't any use to you really, not unless you are psychotic or have some kind of disorder that they can medicate for - depression is something they try to medicate for - I didn't want that so I refused.

I had some therapy and then some CBT (which was actually fucking brilliant, despite my initial scepticism)

I have learned to live with myself at least, over time.
It's a question of a day at a time.

It's nothing to do with not being good enough. No one is effing good enough. We're all just humans in the same boat, with a choice about living or dying. Some are loved all their lives others are not. It can feel like sinking or eternally swimming, and can get tiring. But there is some joy to be had also.

it's up to you. Go into the fantasy about suicide, it always worked for me, imagining it, letting myself think about it and getting to that rock bottom state of mind. Then I would cry, and feel so sorry for myself that I wanted to save myself after all.

It's Ok to do that. The aim is not to survive, but to get to a place where you are not so miserable, and I am guessing you have some good moments now and again - it's that or nothing at all and being dead, I suppose. I'm not trying t persuade you either way. I'm just saying what I did when I felt like this. I'm not sure if I'm glad I stayed alive or not! But sometimes life is quite fun.

My advice, if you want it, would be to stop looking to 'services' to solve this for you and start concentrating on the real issue which is how you look after your self. It's like an alcoholic saying 'stop me drinking!' = no one can do that. They can only sit by his side while he decides to stop drinking himself. (not suggesting you drink!)

thank yo for understanding pirple except i dont hve magic friend in my mind, as ive said evral times i used to hve friends like this but two moved away and one got lost in a realtioship and dumped evrybody. i am talking about ppl who dont put me down or expect me to constantly justify myself, not some perfect friend. altho ive been in so many abusive realtioships someone who doesnt put me down sems perfect to me

i also dont/didnt totally rely on friends. Again i have explained this already. but i struggle with memories of horrible things in my past that make me feel bad so being able to be around ppl who wont hurt me or just seeing someone who likes me helpes me feel better. i dont mean turning to them for help, i just mean having the posisitve thing in my life or having a laugh.

i have contacted mind abou local groups and waiting to hear

Nobody here suggested volunteering for crisis care. You said that your crisis team had suggested that, and nobody agreed that would be appropriate at the moment. Nobody here has posted anything without doing so to try and help you,and nobody has posted anything horrible. We cannot give you the support that you clearly need at the moment and I really hope that you are able to access services that are helpful to you. Please do make a note of helpful suggestions, please do follow up things relating to advocacy services for you. You can get through the worst of this but I realise it doesn't feel like that and it doesn't sound like the team near you have been helpful. Best wishes OP.

Diedre's right - treat yourself the way a mother would treat her child. Love yourself, be kind to yourself. Don't tell yourself you are not good enough. Give yourself messages of love and support, then when you feel a bit stronger you can begin to tell yourself what you can do to help yourself. Take it step by step. When you feel ready, reach out. The samaritans or someone you know. Hold your own hand to work towards recovery.

Mental health has nothing to do with how good you are, it is an illness just like a cut. Things can happen to you to cause your brain to react a certain way which are normal reactions to situations or experiences that your brain puts into action to keep you safe. But our brains can find it hard to switch these reactions off when the situation is safe again and this is what causes longer term stress.

For example, if you were a lonely child your brain learns to be self sufficient to the extent that you push everyone away. This works when you are younger because it keeps you safe. But when you are older and need people, it doesn't work. Or if you were hurt by people when you were younger, your brain learns to be on alert all the time to danger to keep you safe. This works when you need it, but it doesn't just revert back to normal mode when you are older and so your brain tells you to be anxious when you are going about your normal daily business and it no longer works for you. It is stressful.

So mental health is your brain reacting just the way it should to either a one off or a long term stressful situation and then not knowing how to reset itself afterwards. You might start to be able to investigate this by reading self-help books. Even better is to get some therapy to find out what it is that is causing your moods to be so low.

Only you can decide what you want to do about your mental health and it won't happen overnight. In the meantime, don't worry and do what diedre said - treat yourself like a baby, be your devoted mother, love yourself and comfort yourself and be kind to yourself.

sorry x-posts. I think it's great that you contacted MIND and I hope that there is something near enough to you that will help you are not alone

maid i just thought cos ive been trying to build a community, make clsoe friends, all my adult life. Ithink i belong in a diffferet era... with community... maybe a post apocalyptic scenario as i have practical skills
anyway i thought i needed to wait until i was a bit better to make new friends, cos its not worked that well so thought ppl could tell im not ok even if i cover it up.

susannah not close to fmily in any sense. This all started in teens tbh if you look at it... left home asap etc.

derirde wow thanks you seem to really understand. only thing is the suicid thing... what u suggest used to work for me but nowadys its a bit diffeent and no matter how sad it seems logical answer, so i have to be very careful.

ok im going to make a

My post was badly worded-when I was stuck at home feeling too tired to get out I used to think about how much better it would be if only someone would come and see me but it just turns into a really negative thought pattern of why doesn't anyone want to be with me. focussing on what you've got that's good and how you can get more positive things in your life is much better long term, but hard to do when things are hard!

The MIND group sounds really good, I hope that starts soon. Church coffee mornings are often really friendly places too. I go to a knitting group now which is really nice (have a look at community centres to see what they do near you-there might be something good). I found getting a pet really helpful (I have some lovely guinea pigs) but obviously that doesn't work for everyone. Your uni course sounds really great too.

Hi element I'm glad you got in touch with Mind.

You talk about past issues being at the root of how you feel. If MH services and charities are scarce in your area you could take a look at charities that work with people with the issues that you had. I'm a big fan of local charities for the most part, though this will vary depending on your needs and what they can offer.

maybe a post apocalyptic scenario as i have practical skills

In a post-apocalyptic world, I have no idea what I'd do. I am a medical science person so I guess I could stitch a few wounds and do a few amputations at a push (if there weren't any clinical people around to dot he job).

Go on then, what would you do?

Ooooh, I can crochet, so I might be able to make garments!

OP, have you thought about contacting a befriending service? Then you can get RL support, tea and chat with someone who isn't a massive dangerous dick.

not wishing to raise anxieties or anything but hope you've all read the CDC's guide to zombie apocalypses

blogs.cdc.gov/publichealthmatters/2011/05/preparedness-101-zombie-apocalypse/

www.cdc.gov/phpr/zombies_novella.htm

all in all, practical skills are a huge asset!

^ this was a joke, if in doubt mainly