Need support but mn keep deleting my posts

[elementofsurprise]

and I dont understand why.

It has really helped me being on here the last couple of days. Theres a man who I thought was a friend not treating me very nicely, but I need his help so I kind of stuck. But having people on here to talk to ws helping.

MN keep sayng to seek real life help, but I have and have detailed it on these threads. it feels so horrible, I feel so worthless and hopeless and s alone I cnt even post on an anonymous forum. I have written abut how services are responding, I have said I am going to contact MIND and things, why aren't i allowed support on here?

I would like MN to tell me what they think the servces are going to do, cos it sure as hell isnt supporting me like kind MNers have been doing. Do MN think there is a lovely kind supportive hospital place waiting for me or something?

I want to go and see the abusive man cos I feel so alone and he might be nice and hug me. I know its not a good idea in othe ways so i came on here to talk about it only to find my thread deleted. I just dont get it, ther people can post about v v dodgy abusive realtionships and get support, why cant i? I cant post in realtionships cos MH is a big aspect, whereas in MH my post is tumbleweed.

This meant a lot and i just do not know what to do, the services wont/cant offer much help, even if they agree to take me on it'll be months til I get an appt and then it'd be fortnightly or something, my GP isnt in today, and even calling MIND etc, its just not the same as this site which is 24/7. What are MN expecting to happen when I seek help? it seems so cruel and really hurting me to delete my threads, what the hell do they think will happen? feel like im being bullied, kicked when im down, cut off as a worthless human being.

hcp i was told once that they dont admit people who aske for it or want to be admitted. They are so overstratched... there was a documentary few weeks ago, they had to discharge the 'least unwell' patient due to lack of beds.

im so frightened they will laugh at me if i ask to be admitted They will cll it ttention seeking

maid i aredy explained i have posted there before x

Element I really mean this kindleasr stop
Get real life help
These threads are not helping you and are triggering and difficult for others
RL help is hard to get but not impossible
If you continue mn may have to ban you and that would I know be devastating for you
Step away for now and come back when you have good RL support

No one is cross with, MNHQ and a lot of others are concerned for your well being. We can listen to you but we can't replace medical and professional support. I understand your frustration at not getting that support and your fear of asking for it. There is a MH advocacy service in Newcastle, have you contacted them?

thing is i have been to a&e before, icluding under section136, ie police section. Have to wait hours feeling more and more unwanted and worthles, then eventuallythey see me, ask what i expect them to do in an annoyed voice, tell me to see my gp and leave.

I dont feel very safe doing that, it would hurt so much to feel so worthless, i think it might tip me over.
I spoke to the street triage people last night and they said to see my gp today, waiting for gp to cll back atm
there are so short of beds i cant imagine theyd admit me

http://www.cvsnewcastle.org.uk/images/files/ACNReferrallFormOctt2015.docx

This is referral form for the advocacy service. You can self refer. They might be able to support you to get the treatment you need.

PLEASE READ MY POSTS

I AM SEEKING REAL LIFE SUPORT

i am posting here too

telling me to come back when ive got real lfe support is some kind of sickening catch 22. I need advice here for how to get support for a start.

Im waiting to hear from my GP. i spoke to the street trige people last ngiht. i spoke to papyrus yesterdy too.

i am seeking real life support, im nt sure what else ppl expect? Im never going to get admitted to hospital.

it would really help if ppl knoew what y rights were about that? what can i ask for/what do they have to do?

thanks mgpie

We understand, Element.

The problem is, in your emotional state, you're really vulnerable. You can see that in knowing that the man in your life is a dick but not cutting him off because you need his attention and affection, I think? You seem to have that self-awareness. The same can happen here. It is. You become attached to MN and it can be wonderful, it's a lovely place, but once you've got an emotional dependency to it, and you're as vulnerable as you are right now, it only takes one thoughtless person and it cuts deep. Thats a big risk for both you and MNHQ.

You need some support from people who can be there with you, and I know that is really hard to get, especially when you feel worthless so you don't want to make a fuss. You need too. You need to call your GP back and tell them that you need to speak to someone now, because you're having a mental health crisis and you're a danger to yourself. You need to be admitted so you can be looked after. That's what you expect them to do - ignore whether they sound annoyed or not, you just need them to admit you. Repeat yourself, if you have to.

It sucks being admitted, but it's better than what you've got now. It puts you in the right place to get real help, whether that is medical or through intense therapy, or both. It also means that when you come home, you'll be signposted to other services that will help you, and you'll be much less vulnerable.

We'll wait with you, but we can't help, and the risk factor is great. There is always someone here, but it might not be the right person. Someone who is absolutely lovely to you for days or weeks could suddenly turn nasty or disappear, and that can be a huge emotional catastrophe.

Make the call, and hopefully this will be around long enough for us to support you through that bit at least.

All the best.

but miad its all stuck togtehr

I understand.

There are lots of people who say "Here is situation X. I'm not coping with it" and they get heaps of advice.

You say "Here is situation X. I'm not coping with it" and you get shut down.

How you express that you aren't coping is different to the first poster though. The first poster says she isn't coping. You, on the other hand display that you aren't coping (both through what you say and how you type). I'm not saying that the first poster is lying and actually is coping, not at all. I'm saying that it is possible to "not cope" but to not display warning signs of acute mental health crisis.

It is because you very often appear to be at the other end of the computer in an acute mental health crisis that you are being given different advice to the first poster. You are being told to seek help to deal with this immediate need. To reiterate posters above, it is the best way that MN and any of us here can protect you, can help you, can do the right thing for you at those times.

Do you understand what I'm saying? I hope I haven't been really insensitive, or unhelpful. If anyone, including you, wants to report this post and have it removed because it's not likely to be helpful in any way, I won't be offended or annoyed.

also i do have weekly theapy. I have to pay for it though and my therpaist wont put pressure on services to help me. She says its not her role. i explained they wont listen to me ut we just go round in circles.

I cant see what services could offer. they ask me wht i need and i dnt know. Certainy nothing i could ask them for. i needed help a long time beofre now. i just feel frightened and alone and darent ask for anyting in case they laugh at me, if i ask for hopspital they will look at each other and do knowing smiles and tell me im being silly

Oh love :( Can i be frank? Please don't be upset by this, but i do feel very frustrated by your posts. Because you are going round and round in circles, it wasn't so long ago that you were posting about this man. You were worried about HIM and his mental health. Sweetheart - this man is not good for you, no good at all. Maybe he doesn't mean to but he is thriving on your unhappiness and using it to control you.

There really is a limit to what people can do here to support you. I certainly believe you when you say that MH are fucked and that the support in RL isn't there. But what, in all honesty can you get from posting that you are worthless? You are not worthless, but you need to believe that for yourself. We can tell you this until the cows come home but you need to start looking to yourself. Whilst we are all here and happy to listen and hold your hand, only YOU can turn things around (which is the antithesis of what i ususally tell people in this position) but i really feel that you are in a position where, you know what, you don't have a choice.

I can sense some anger in your posts and it is justified, but stop using that anger against yourself. YOU deserve support and the people who are failing are the services who are failing to give you that support. Get angry about that and use it positively.

Start to fight back, against the system but more importantly, this awful man who is bullying you and pretending to be your friend, he is sucking you dry.

We are here, ready to offer you online support, hear your rants and point you in the direction of help, because that is all we can do. It has to come from you - and i for one, believe you are strong enough.

Have you seen a psychiatrist? If not could you ask your GP to refer you to one?
They will be able to assess and diagnose you and recommend the best course of treatment.

You could also self refer for the advocacy service as Magpie suggested.

Good luck. Please listen to everyone on here, we're all on your side.

Im not sure why ur asking me that arf
It seems to be others who are expecting services to DO something.

I asked a long time ago and I thougt I needed therapy and some kind of support, eg. a cpn weekly and phonline when things were bad.

Now i just dont know, and thats why I feel I dont have many options. I dont know what the answer is. Feel awful and under pressure that im expected to know what the answer is. Just feel totally overwhelmed and in pain and terrfied of everyone in case they think i'm a bad person or are cross with me for asking for anything. I feel very vulnerable, I'm scared of them speaking to me crossly or fobbing me off because it hurts so much and I already feel like a waste of space. I probably need a hug and someone who cares and wont be cross or expect anything of me. I cant have that. I dont know what the next best thing is. Im sorry.

not offensive at all maid that makes sense. I make lots of typos typing fast, have made effort to correct them this time

I'm so sorry you're going through this element and I really hope you're in a better place soon, i'll be thinking of you

I can't say from personal experience but how do you think being in hospital is going to help? Do you think that the services aren't admitting you because they don't think you will benefit from it? i have spoken to people on here about hospital and family members and its not a magic bullet and its pretty unpleasant from what i understand. Do you really want that?

There is pleasure in life, little tiny bits of pleasure. I am so so anxious, i feel like my life is going to implode at any moment - i live with that 24/7 and its exhausting. My DP told me to go back to the Dr, get more therapy, more drugs, but in all honesty, i know its a waste of time. It has to come from me. Im not strong enough for that right now but one day, i pray i will be. For now, im taking little pleasures where i can - right now im sitting on the sofa with my dog and we have the log burner on. Its enough for now.

thank you LEM
the thing is, I've done all that, saying I dont need them and being angry at how theyve treated me. But im getting confused, sitting around crying for hours, just not keeping it together. I reluctantly admit I really do need someone else to help. I cant do it alone anymore.

gp phoning now

"Now i just dont know, and thats why I feel I dont have many options. I dont know what the answer is. Feel awful and under pressure that im expected to know what the answer is. Just feel totally overwhelmed and in pain and terrfied of everyone in case they think i'm a bad person or are cross with me for asking for anything. I feel very vulnerable, I'm scared of them speaking to me crossly or fobbing me off because it hurts so much and I already feel like a waste of space. I probably need a hug and someone who cares and wont be cross or expect anything of me. I cant have that. I dont know what the next best thing is. Im sorry."

It's ok, you don't have to know what the answer is. You really don't. That's what the professionals are for.

You do need to be brave and overcome your fears about asking the right people for help. An advocate might be able to help with that. Not sure they could give you a hug but they would certainly be on your side.

You need to channel your pain into determination to persevere until you get the help you need.

You can do it.

OP, you say your therapist can't put pressure on services to help you - she's right, her role is to help you make decisions.
Services ask you what you want and you say i don't know and nothing I could ask them for
You feel that services tell me I'm being silly
So, apart from being admitted to hospital, which clearly the professionals don't think isn't appropriate, just what are you asking for?
I'm assuming there's a partner involved reading pp, but I'm really confused as to what you are asking for.
You've seen your GP, and various other agencies working with those who have MH illnesses but it seems none of them are able or perhaps understand, what you are asking for.
What do you mean by 'real life support '?
I do wish you well but I'm trying to get my head around what you're saying.

P1nkP0ppy
" just what are you asking for?"
I think it's pretty clear from the OP's posts that she is crying out for some help but she doesn't know what form it could or should take. I'm not sure how pressing her on this matter is helping? Surely she just needs to talk to her GP and other professionals and see what they advise?

gp has just said "there are no options left". He said theres no meds tht will help, no therpy that will help.

Apparently crisis team have contacted him about me phoning, and written down that theyve suggested I join a gym.

Street triage team appear to have written saying Im upset due to relationship issue, i repeatedly had to explain that the only reason I was seeing this guy late at night was I was so desperate for some support/a hug.

I told him how I feel that I cant write here.

He kept asking me what do i expect? I said I didnt know but it wasnt my job to know it was his.

I feel very detached now like im floating above myself.

this is the 'help' they give.

Is that what the GP has said just now?

AnotherEmma Have you seen a psychiatrist?

Element Have you ever been referred to a psychiatrist? I can't recall from previous posts, sorry.