Need support but mn keep deleting my posts

[elementofsurprise]

and I dont understand why.

It has really helped me being on here the last couple of days. Theres a man who I thought was a friend not treating me very nicely, but I need his help so I kind of stuck. But having people on here to talk to ws helping.

MN keep sayng to seek real life help, but I have and have detailed it on these threads. it feels so horrible, I feel so worthless and hopeless and s alone I cnt even post on an anonymous forum. I have written abut how services are responding, I have said I am going to contact MIND and things, why aren't i allowed support on here?

I would like MN to tell me what they think the servces are going to do, cos it sure as hell isnt supporting me like kind MNers have been doing. Do MN think there is a lovely kind supportive hospital place waiting for me or something?

I want to go and see the abusive man cos I feel so alone and he might be nice and hug me. I know its not a good idea in othe ways so i came on here to talk about it only to find my thread deleted. I just dont get it, ther people can post about v v dodgy abusive realtionships and get support, why cant i? I cant post in realtionships cos MH is a big aspect, whereas in MH my post is tumbleweed.

This meant a lot and i just do not know what to do, the services wont/cant offer much help, even if they agree to take me on it'll be months til I get an appt and then it'd be fortnightly or something, my GP isnt in today, and even calling MIND etc, its just not the same as this site which is 24/7. What are MN expecting to happen when I seek help? it seems so cruel and really hurting me to delete my threads, what the hell do they think will happen? feel like im being bullied, kicked when im down, cut off as a worthless human being.

ive tried to turn to someoe i know irl an they are just chucking me at services. i need human ness

Going to see that man will only make you feel worse, deep down you know that. It might feel like a short term fix but in the long run it will set you back.

I feel like we're going round in circles with practical suggestions, so whilst I think you would benefit from some of the suggestions. I don't think it's constructive to keep going over it. As others have said, copy them into a document so you can refer back to them.

Focus on your MIND referral. Get that sorted out and they will help signpost you to the most appropriate places for rl support.
So, gp, for referral for MiND.

The Samaritans will have lots of signposting ideas btw, so you may wish to give them a call. I know you have been ignoring that option, but they may have some local ideas. And please do use them in the small hours when you need someone to talk to instantly - that's what they are there for. And they will not hurt you like your 'friend'.

Life is pretty shit at the moment, but please try to keep seeking support in rl (without assuming that it's pointless because no one will help). Post here too. Of course you can post how you feel, but if you feel suicidal, you need rl support, not virtual, and will be signposted in that direction.

Keep on fighting. Don't give up.

Good luck with MiND.

Dd you even try and consider the gym after a HCP suggested it?

In fact, doesn't even have to be the gym. A brisk walk in the sunshine/rain etc is a definite mood lifter. It certainly won't make you feel any worse

Surely there must be a suggestion out of all pp that you could try op?
Services are trying to help you; you've said your GP is referring you to the CMHT, you've been in touch with MIND.
As others have said, constantly posting new threads seeking something different is counterproductive; it just seems to confirm your thoughts.
It is , hopefully your GP's referral will help but no one's going to be able to change things just like that.

Your not going to get humaness, it doesn't exist in the way you think it does.
Getting out and interacting with others is very hard for you at the moment (and I've been there too so I do know what might work), but try going for a walk and others suggestions pp have made, as a start.

having to ask omeone to care is the most excruciting thing ever, feel so worthles, and puts them on the spot, im used to having to smile and act fine around ppl.

so one thinks one will turn to sevices instead, but services expct you to have a horde of people waiting in te wings to be supportive.

i think a real good friend who beliveed in me would be the best thing, but i dont have one nearby and rechig for help makes me feel worse as emphais how alone i am

i dont know

I think sometimes you just need to make a leap of faith and reach out to someone. Even if they're not close by. I know it's hard and that the situation with the MH services has left you feeling rejected. In fact it sounds like a lot of the problems you're having come from feeling and fear of rejection.
Could you send an email or text to one of your old friends that you've drifted away from, or is that not something you feel up to?

Element, people in real life may not know how to "respond" any more than we do.

My mum does not know how to deal with my dad. There have been days I haven't known exactly what to say to my husband.

These thoughts and feelings isolate you and leave you feeling worthless and alone. Ironically people are then even more likely to back away because they don't know what to say as they don't want to hurt you.

So if people around you don't react the way you hope they will, it is not because you are worthless. It's because we are still socially inadequate at dealing with mental health problems. We don't even know how to diagnose them most of the time, and I agree, it sucks and it must be frightening.

hw many times do i need to write it?
services have refused to elp me numerous times and told the gp twice in writing not to re-refer me. so even if he does refer me, which isnt certain, it would be folish to get my hopes up. they have told him not to rfer me, they have ignored referrals since doing that.

So ca you see that my gp maybe conatcting cmht isnt really helpful at all?

ive metioend before, i have serched and serched for help beofre, via varius agencie including mind, and am in a mental health blackspot. there just arent charities et round here - even mind dont have groups here and are just checking to see if there might be a group im allowd to join in the next town.

when someone phones up in absolute crisis, i cant write how bad cos ill get deleted, but as bad as it can get, then the crisis team shouldnt be suggesting going to the gym. Why arent ppl reading my posts? im not coping with the basics, ive beentrying to do al the right things but getting more and more incapble as the weeks and months hve gone on. telling me more stuff to do is just makig me feel more uselss

so, i cant hav humaness. i know that. thats why i feel alone and worthless and unwanted

even my therpaist wasnt nice today

i dont know how to go on, ppl are not reading my psts and gtting cross with me for services failing me. i need help, but its not comng

hold on missed last osts justreading ow x

luxy im not so low cos i dont hve someone to hug,i am unwell but thts componding it.

i can self soothe normally, i deal with so much day to day ppl have no idea the things inside and memories i have to deal with without letting on.but keeping going alone for so long dealing with all this tuff alone for so long, with only people expectng things of me aroud me, then its just got worse nd worse.

cmht just say im not suitble. They wont explainw ithout using meningless cliches like "wont engage". I already explained on here tht the therapist couldnt get her head round me being depressed, and the nightmres and memories. she kept saying she couldnt work out what i was doing NOW that ade me feel so bad. She assumed i must be doing something wrog day to day which makes me feel bad, she could understand i try to dothe right things and just need support dealing with the past

Element, are you able to sleep at night?Or do you lie awake?

Why don't you put on a warm coat right now, and go out for a fast walk outside. Even just an hour or so

i was totoaly open with cmht, eager to work with them, bared my soul.. bt they say wont enagge. makes no sense. They dont LISTEN to what i say, they sort of decide something and try to make me fit the mould not the other way round. as demonstrated by therpist.

when i start to feel good or try to feel good bout myself them ppl drag me down. its one reaso i hvent bothered with trying to get help for a while til crisis now. cos they just made me feel like i was wasting there time.

Sorry, posted too soon.

A walk for 1 hour, a brisk one, then come back and talk to us some more.

the moring is my wost time, altho i am sleeping late now so middayish really

element people aren't just passing the buck, giving you more and more practical suggestions - but I really do understand it can feel like another door slamming in your face. Please don't take it like that, it's the opposite. I kept going on about samaritans precisely because they don't 'signpost' you, they stay with you in the moment and at your pace. Signposting is helpful to help you consider things you might not have thought of, and to help you see a crack of light in a dark, dark cavern that you feel you can never escape from. But it's not appropriate in crisis care, and that's why I think you need to call samaritans when you feel really, really, terrible, and do keep trying other things, do follow up the suggestions of MIND. I'm sorry that it seems your crisis team handled it very badly - telling someone in crisis to go and volunteer, or head to the gym, is not at all helpful when at the lowest point. It's nonsense. I agree with you.
BUT please realise all posters here have read what you've said, and all care and any suggestions are because sometimes, it's helpful to ask 'have you considered' even if you have considered it and dismissed it, it might be that you hadn't thought of it like that before, or weren't aware of all the support that might be there that is precisely for people in your situation. You need time and space and it won't be an overnight 'wow I feel better now, let's head to the gym this morning' - it's gradual but you can do this and the impossibly dark, trapped and isolated feeling that you have right now, is not going to be permanent. You need to hang in there and try to give things a chance, or a new chance, even if you feel all out of energy to do that. Little, tiny steps at a time and just hanging in there. You matter, you have been through some horrendous experiences, but you are strong and you will get through this - but it won't be a fix, it will take a long time and I really hope that you find something out there - as there are lots of things to try even if you feel you can't bear to again - but something somewhere out there will be helpful to you.

I agree, brisk walks are a great way to relax/clear my head. When I've been extremely low my sleep goes way off kilter. I find it helpful to have to get up in the mornings and to not allow myself to stay up all night anymore. Is there something that you could work towards with that? I know you will feel completely whacked out exhausted, but after a while it will get easier especially if taking iron supps if anaemic etc. It will all help. a little, yes, but a little is an important start.

Love, you said this about your dr :

"He kept asking me what do i expect? I said I didnt know but it wasnt my job to know it was his."

It isn't his JOB to know what YOU expect, it is your job to know yourself, to know you, to love you and care for you. You might need help to do this, but ultimately it's something only you can actually do.

A cuddle from an abuser is not a cuddle, it is taking you further away from where you need to be.

Depression is anger turned inwards. You are the only one that can save yourself here, trust me. I've been where you are and worse. But I am still here.

Just stop. Calm yourself and tell he negative narrative to stop.

You are under a lot of pressure, you have been in an abusive environment, that takes recovery that you aren't allowing yourself.

This is the time that you need to step forward and put yourself first. You say you know people, you people around you that you know, you don't have to go into detail with them, but you could ask them for a tea or something.

Ultimately you are the only one that can get yourself out o this. Yea I know it seems impossible, but it really isn't. Just know that nothing bad is going to happen, breathe, be still and just focus on remaining calm. Take this 5 minutes at a time if you need to, and go from there.

I know you can do this. I really do believe in you. You are going to make it through this.

Element, I don't think that you should be in hospital. I don't think it would help. I don't think mental health services can help you either, as I suspect that if you do get referred, you may reject what they suggest and they will discharge you again and you'll end up feeling worse.

Trying to access mental heal services appears to be making you worse.

There is no magic cure when it comes to mental health. Recovery is massively in the hands of the person struggling. Medication can alleviate depression / psychosis / mania, but it comes down to the individual making choices as well.

Sleep, exercise, diet, activities all make a difference. Even if it's small steps at first. There's charities and local agencies that offer activities like singing, walking, peer support, music and chat groups etc. I don't know what is in your area, but even in my out of the way neck of the woods there's a couple I've found.

You won't make the friends you want and get the relationship you want until you're calmer and like yourself a bit more. You need to take charge of your life a bit.

FWIW I'm "in" services. It involves seeing my care co once a month and the rest of the time I'm meant to manage my own health, which I have mixed results with, but there's no magic cure, even with their help.

I have to say from my experience the crisis team here is REALLY bad. I know exactly where the OP is coming from. I've rang them when my young charge had overdosed and was refusing treatment. The utter contempt I who has no mental health problems was met with was breathtaking. Christ knows what it would be like for someone in actual mental crisis. It took all my control to keep calm with them. I don't blame the OP for not wanting to present at a&e (been there many times) or phone the crisis team. It doesn't help.

OP have you had a diagnosis of anything?

The problem is in the NE is you have to scream and bellow louder than anyone else to get the attention you need to be admitted to cherry knowles or the mental health unit at the QE and it takes years to the point of the threat of physically dying to get it. Things are very bad here.

OP have you rang PALS up? I don't think I've seen it on any of your threads. I found them a massive help in getting things moving.