Need support but mn keep deleting my posts

[elementofsurprise]

and I dont understand why.

It has really helped me being on here the last couple of days. Theres a man who I thought was a friend not treating me very nicely, but I need his help so I kind of stuck. But having people on here to talk to ws helping.

MN keep sayng to seek real life help, but I have and have detailed it on these threads. it feels so horrible, I feel so worthless and hopeless and s alone I cnt even post on an anonymous forum. I have written abut how services are responding, I have said I am going to contact MIND and things, why aren't i allowed support on here?

I would like MN to tell me what they think the servces are going to do, cos it sure as hell isnt supporting me like kind MNers have been doing. Do MN think there is a lovely kind supportive hospital place waiting for me or something?

I want to go and see the abusive man cos I feel so alone and he might be nice and hug me. I know its not a good idea in othe ways so i came on here to talk about it only to find my thread deleted. I just dont get it, ther people can post about v v dodgy abusive realtionships and get support, why cant i? I cant post in realtionships cos MH is a big aspect, whereas in MH my post is tumbleweed.

This meant a lot and i just do not know what to do, the services wont/cant offer much help, even if they agree to take me on it'll be months til I get an appt and then it'd be fortnightly or something, my GP isnt in today, and even calling MIND etc, its just not the same as this site which is 24/7. What are MN expecting to happen when I seek help? it seems so cruel and really hurting me to delete my threads, what the hell do they think will happen? feel like im being bullied, kicked when im down, cut off as a worthless human being.

Element, these boards aren't helping you.

Even now you say you're getting mixed messages and that you feel people here blame you. You feel that everyone hates you. We don't. The chances are that no one does at all. But what will you feel if some troll appears and tells you something horrid right now?

As such, there's every chance MN are going to end up deleting this thread too and that is NOT a reflection on you or or your worth, it's because they will feel it is best for you and other posters.

When they say seek real life help, they mean help off the forum, because there's only so much any poster here can do for you.

Like the poster above I've also never heard of GPs dismissing meds and therapy so perhaps it is time to change yours - can you do that?

thats a good thing op.

Well done for arranging it all with Mind. I don't mean that in a patronising way. I know from experience how hard it is to approach people and arrange things. Sorry to hear it'll be a longer process but at least it's a start!

There isnt another GP i can get to. An the thing is, they cannot force services to help me, they can only refer me. If services wont accept the referral my gp is indeed stuck. He is concerned but has nowehere to go with this.

Real life help doesnt appear to exist for me. Ive spoken to the gp, crisis team, street triage team, papyrus and mind. Isnt that enough?

I feel mixed messages in general, not off this thread. One post reminded me of that, ghosts post at 18.50. Cos she seems to imply i must be making big song an dance and getting lost in my illness when in fact i just want to be fine and normal, but do need some support. In general in life i feel mixed mesages cos i dont know if im a bad person who is wrong for feeling bad or an ill person who desrves support. The messages life gives me are i dont deserve suport and should be fine but am simultaneously suppose to feel good about myself.

There are no bad people Element, only hurt and troubled ones.

I'm glad about MIND, and sorry that switching GPs isn't an option.

I hope you understand what I mean though if this thread vanishes. It will not be a condemnation of you at all. I really hope in the quieter moments of your mind you can understand that.

I've watched my husband and dad struggle through depression and needing help and meds and I've seen first hand what a troubled mind does to you. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Remember - you're not to blame. This is not "you". You are more than your troubled thoughts.

And if someone does come on the thread and say something mean, I hope you cling to the words on the rest of this thread instead. I know that's easier said than done.

Is there anything you can think of that might start making you feel better about yourself- get your hair done, have a manicure, go for a walk or a swim? Ask a friend to go for a coffee, buy ingredients to make yourself a nice meal?
It does sometimes kick start a different way of managing where you're at.

op what about another doctor within the same practice?

and im sorry if i made you feel bad that was not meant to happen. i was just sharing my own past experience.

i forgot to say that you dont have to have the answers sometimes we have to try different things till we find what is right for us.

what do you enjoy doing op?

Element, write down the things that are moving forward and focus on those. And add a few more.

From saying the gp did nothing, could do nothing, and nothing would help, it actually turns out that they are referring you to CMHT. You have MIND working out which group you can go to, and needing a referral from gp. Call gp office and make appointment to request this referral now.
Re read the posts from posters who are local to you and consider their ideas. Cat cafes (I wish we had one!) church groups, volunteering, soup kitchens. You have also had to advice that you need to get out (the old fresh air and exercise suggestion of the gym, but tbh anything that gets you out of the house from behind closed curtains is good).

Posting for ideas about what might help and considering them will be beneficial. Posting to say everything is useless, no one can or will help and you want to die means that you are in crisis and mn cannot help, and threads will be deleted after referring you to contact appropriate rl agencies.

Mn can help, but it is not a substitute for appropriate agencies when you are in crisis, and should not be used as such.

And seeking unwise comfort from a dude that has the potential to hurt you consistently at 2 am will often result in you being hurt. Hence the advice not to rely on this guy for the support you need. He can't provide it. If you are having trouble sleeping, hence seeking this comfort in the small hours, did you discuss mess with the doc?

Mn can help you with self-sufficiency, can't help with rl support, which is where you need it. Virtual support is a bonus, not a replacement.

Good luck with getting your appointment for a mind referal from gp.

You've got some really good advice on this thread. Maybe you could copy and paste everything into a word document and save it so you can go back and re-read it even if it gets deleted?

In an earlier post you asked if you're a bad person: no! and if you're ill: yes. You have depression and probably other mental health issues that will need to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist.

The thing about depression is that it can make you see everything in the worst possible light. It can make you focus on the negatives and forget the positives. So your version of reality isn't wrong - your feelings are valid - but it is being negatively affected by the depression. For example, you feel the GP isn't helping but in reality he has referred you to CMHT, so he has done something to help. You are not a bad person for seeing things negatively but it may help you feel better if you try and remind yourself of the positives and try not to dwell on the negatives.

madwoman Ok, i dont know if the Gp has refrred me to cmht. I said i THINK he has. But e has been told byt them not to re-refer me so mght not have done. anyway, the last times he referred me they ignored the referrals. And when they didnt ignore them - 18months ago - they assessed me then did nothing. but HIS WORDS WERE he cant do anything, theres no meds or therapy to help.

i am in crisis. im not coping with basics. i cant just pop off and volunteer or to a cafe, im struggling to go to the corner shop. Or even t get out of bed/ dressed. that man lives very close but it still took a lot to go and see him yesterday.

doesnt anyone understnd i have been trying to do all the right things to get better but ive been getting iller. im not hangin around being depressesd, im in crisis and all the things ive tried to do have just got harder and harder hence ending up in crisis. popping out isnt going to ehlp becaue i cant actally do that right now, i WAS popping out and have got more and more incpable. i have no support, and i need some.

and i am in crisis ut i cnt write it or thread gets deleted! feellike im being told off for services failing me

i have just been writing about what is happeningand why i feel so hopeless. Sorry but if someone is in crisis and the services wont help, and there thread gets deletd and told to seek help is cruel. THE SERVICES ARE NOT ELPING ME AND I AM IN CRISIS NOW what so i do?

Stop shouting (all capitals = shouting IMO). We have all been posting and making suggestions because we care and we're trying to help. I understand that your situation is frustrating. But you need to help yourself by considering the suggestions and focussing on the useful ones.

i've been taking the baby steps and just its got worse and worse evry day
i need help soeone to care irl life but no one does

the Gp MIGT refer me, but they wont accept the referral, i hav two letters here saying so, sying ntot to refer me.

please undestand, im not allowed to write it. i need help. hw do i get them to help me.? why arent i good enough to be heped?

but postes arent listening so i put in capitals!

it wasnt me who said the gp couldnt help, it was the gp himself!

i feel so worthless, so alone. i ahve tried to get help and theyve all truned me away. ppl telling me to go out get fresh air when ive been doing all the right tings for so long and just getting iller and iller just maes me feel more of a failure

im alone, not coping at all, no help or support, i posted here in desperation

there isnt a way out is there? cos i cant magically be better enough to do tuff... i am ot coping, i cant write how i feel in case get deleted, but not ina popping off to gym/volunter/shop state certainlky

there basiclly isnt an aswr is there? the svices should be helpgn me now and there not. i tried to find a way out and there isnt one. its so dreadfully sad

it like im not suppsoed to exist... i shouldne be a person who services wont hlep... i should be helped by them or be fine. im in a psition that shouldnt exist. theres no way out because this shouldnt happen.

i have tried so hard and given so much toothers but no one is there when its me wo needs help

What would you like to hear from people here element?

There's been sympathy, advice, and listening.

You're getting angry at posters and yourself because no one has a magical solution. Sadly the truth is that there is little else anyone else can post, no matter how much we would all love to make things better for you.

This is why MN will end up deleting threads like this. NOT because you're not good enough, NOT to threaten you - but because MN isn't good enough to help you.

Please do what Emma suggested above and copy the words here into a document so you can re-read them.

but op you said a few posts up that they are looking into groups for you. so thats a good thing. and that might work for you so thats something to focus on.

i have considere sugestions but ppl are not readin ym posts. thing are being sugested that ae inapropriate. ppl obvs think i sould be in hospital and dont realise how bad the sevices are. it so sad im worthless and unlvebale

You sound like the frustration of it all is making you feel worse. It's a vicious circle. I wish I knew what the answer was and that I could help but I don't.
Please try the advocacy service. If nothing else, they'll be able to navigate the services for you.
When you speak to your GP in the morning about the Mind referral, ask him to explain to you what his plan is, whether he's referring you to CMHT or not. It's not acceptable for him to not have a plan for you. I know it's difficult for you to challenge him on that, but again that's where an advocate will help.

i just wanted o be good enoughand to ake theworld a btetr place, but no one wants me, im useless cant even do good int he world anyore as cant loo after myself

but gp CANT do anyting if theres nowjere to refr me can he? i shoudnt be having to sort tis out

if iwas good enough id hae smeone to give me a hug now

i have to call that man there is noone else. he isn all bad

Meanwhile things which helped my husband when he panicked were

• taking some deep breaths
• slowly drinking a glass of water
• breathing in some fresh air
• punching a pillow, crying, releasing some feelings and not bottling it up.

Basic tiny baby steps. Can you try some of these right now? Would they help you get through the next few minutes?

That's all you ever have to do you know - get through the next few minutes.

(Not to suggest those alone will fix things - just to say they can physically help when you get panicked)