Anyone there to hand to hand hold?

[Ikeatears]

I'm struggling. Anyone there?

I'm glad you're getting through it, I think that part (the strong negative emotions returning) is one of the worst bits of experiencing depression. I've seen my Mum, and other relatives go through it and have been both sides of it. Doesn't stop me sayi g horrible things, feeling horrible things when going in and out of depression.

Today's had a few downs and is mainly flat. Cold is still hanging on, but hasn't developed into anything really horrible.

Got occupational health telephone consultation today and I'm really anxious about it! HR wanted to wait a week or so but I pushed it in the couple of days after I left hospital as I was feeling some weird type of euphoria! Now I feel like I'll be wasting their time when I say I'm not ready to go back yet :-(

If HR wanted tobwait a week, maybe just say yes, they were right, and would like to wait at least a week for a review. If they need a reason, can say as meds have been changed again and it is taking time to adjust and find the right ones for you.

Do you think that would be ok to do? I feel like an idiot now for pushing it.
Dh gone to work and left me alone for the first full day today. I have to confess, I've spent the majority of it in bed but I just can't be bothered. I just want to sleep. All day and all night.

I think if you just tell them exactly that, and put it in medical terms and what the docs and medical staff have recommended, then yes, that would be wise. Trying to push back to work too soon is likely to make things worse. If you can, rest. Don't feel bad about it, it is your body trying to recover, and paying attention to what it is telling you, giving it what it needs (in modrration - not for months on end, just a few days (maybe a few days a week, whatever works best for you) will help restore your sense of self, help in lots of ways.

I just answered all their questions honestly, asked them not to mention self harm thoughts which they said was fine and they have said they will recommend a phased return in 3 to 4 weeks depending on progress so it's been left pretty open ended really. I also spoke with my CPN/support worker (not actually sure what she is - keep meaning to ask) and was very honest about some things I'd been holding back so she's going to look into some different therapies. Had a talk about it all with dh last night and although it felt like a traumatic, draining day, I think I achieved something.

That sounds great. What a relief to have go through all that with a sense there is some progress, moving in the right direction.

Not doing too well. I've slowly been moving off diazepam and have managed the last 4 days on just 1 5mg. Today I've given in and taken 2. I've also taken an extra quetiapine (normally 25mg morning and night) but I just can't get rid of the anxiety. How can this be when I'm on all these meds? I'm over 3 weeks into 30mg mirtazapine and thought I'd seen an improvement over the last few days but I feel like I'm going backwards. Is this possible? I just don't know what to think.
I can't stand noise today and I just want to sit on my own away from everything and everyone. Dh is being lovely and offering cuddles etc. But I just can't stand to be near anyone. I'm so sad and feel pathetic

Anyone out there?

Hi!

Is diazepam something that can only be taken short term?
Sorry, I don't know the answer, but finding the right levels of meds can be tricky, especially when in combination. What has your psychiatrist (or whoever prescribed them) said?

Yes I need to be off it soon - they won't keep giving me prescriptions. Just feels like it's all going backwards

Havebyou tried things like Citalopram, or Sertraline for anxiety? I know people for whom they work (and others who have tried them amd it didn't work for them.)

No, it's taken so long to get this point with the meds and I'm scared to start again. I'm supposed to be phasing back into work in 3 weeks and I've just spent the whole day in bed (most of it sleeping). I think dh is pissed off with me

Sleep is a sign your body is recovering.

Are you eating well?

You can't very well go back to work until the meds are set right. Talk to your care coordinator.

In the meantime, glad that you've had the day in bed, it is so good to do that. Hope you feel better for it tomorrow.

The 'spoons' story helped me explain how I felt to DH, and how I have to choose between rest or potentially pushing myself too far and the possibility of falling sick.

I haven't eaten all day. I just can't seem to face food. The home treatment team are due tomorrow so I'll speak to them.
I just want to feel like 'me' again.
Hope things are ok with you

The not eating thing needs their attention, lovely.

I have managed a bit of cheese and crackers tonight. Some days I can eat fine but today, I just could t face it

I'm one to talk, haven't had dinner yet. Ive been grazing on snacks and fruit all day though. Will get soup or noidles when I get home.

Am currently at the MH unit with DD, allowing her some phone time so she can relax and wind down.

How is she doing?

Not too bad. Compliant. Bored. We find things to talk about, and she seems less angry than when she first got there.

Well that seems positive. I hope it's a better ward than the one I was on!
Dh is away with work from midday overnight until tomorrow night - feeling a bit wobbly

We were lucky that a place became free in an adolescent unit. She was due to go to the children's ward at the local, and would have been tube fed there if she'd refused to eat! The place she's at is not part of a general hospital building, so it's quite different from an adult MH ward, but still secure, and not overly homely.

Oh, it's hard when the DH goes away. Mine is away every week, so you'd think I would be used to it, but I never know if I'll be wobbly. I tell myself it's because I love him, miss him, feel the loss of what we want to have together and cannot have at that time. It helps that it has got better since, that we have had good times and have good memories since. You will too, there are good times to come your way.

I'm watching Cider With Rosie on BBC iplayer. Got to the bit where the son plays Danny Boy and the whole room joins in singing!

I've only ever seen the play version and that as many years ago. Dh is threatening not to go away and I'm trying to convince him I'm fine. Very difficult when I'm really not. Trying so hard not to cry but can't stop myself shaking. He really does need to go, it's an important meeting and although it won't be nice, I will be fine

Back to not much sleep. Also drank a bottle of wine to myself and not taken evening meds as I'm on my own with the kids and paranoid about a bad reaction. I'm such an absolute mess. How will I ever get back to work in 3 weeks?? I'm so disappointed in my family. Dh's family and my wonderful friends (plus a cousin and her parents) have been amazing but my parents and siblings, nothing. Well, nothing except criticism about how I have shut them out. I've said the same things to everyone, about needing space and wanting to see/speak to people as and when I feel able. Everyone has respected this and as a consequence, I've slowly been opening up to them and accepting help and support. But my own, it's all about how it makes them feel. Sod how I feel. I truly have gone above and beyond for all of them on so any occasions and I have asked for NOTHING in return. My uncle actually said, "all roads lead to you and they shouldn't" he said I need to look after myself and my own little family. He's right. They can all get lost. Doesn't hurt any less though