help

[dottymum]

Ive a 3 week old son, a four year old daughter, my husband left a couple of weeks ago.

The baby is lovely, I adore him. My four year old's behaviour is terrible. I got up to see to ds, dd woke up, screamed hystericallym demanded i went back to bed immediately. She is over demandingm jealous of the baby to an extreme.
to be honest i really dislike her at the moment. daddy doesnt want her ad she is begging to see him. he wont see her. I get the crap for it,

I feel like i want her to go live somewhere else. i really really dislike her. I know she had a lot of upset, it isnt her fault, its me. Im horrible.

What am I going to do, I love my childreb, i dont want to feel like this. I dont feel depressed as such, but Im not myself at all

Perhaps its better for them both if i gve hem up and go away

Dotty have a big cuddle from me

I imagine you are feeling really wrung out now.

Yes without a doubt you will get better and you will benefit from ads I'm sure. Your Hv will help I'm sure.

Feelings of dread are really nasty but will go.

You are doing so well to cope at the moment. That strength you've found can grow bit by bit.

Best not to worry about how long you will stay with your pils yet. How long is the journey? Are you travelling from Heathrow?

i read and commented on your paracetomal thread.......

please don;t let this put you off....

i was on ADs for a long while..they really helped.....

the fact that you recognise you don;t want to feel like this and that you want to stop feeling like this is really positive...xx

the ads WILL help if you give them a week or two to kick in, i felt like a different person after i began mine. am SO glad you are seeking help in RL.
love to you and your family, keep posting.
xx

Dotty
I am so glad you are going with your children, not just for thier benefit, but for yours too, your children will be your saviour, I was in tears reading this thread last night, I so wish I could help, but I am miles away, do not blame yourself for the way your H has treated you, some people dont need a reason to be cruel, I can tell from your posts your strengh has already increased slightly, and I promise you will get stronger and stronger, one day soon you will feel on top of the world, and you will be laughing with your children, and you will be able to start to put these dark times behind you, I believe everyone who has posted here really do care about you, and dont stop thinking about you when they turn the pc off, now that cant be bad can it? people from all walks of life all over the country caring about you, take thier faith in you and use it to get well

I'm so glad you have posted back Dottymum.

I think you are very brave to take such a big move away, but you know in your heart you have to do what you need to do.

If I can help you out tomorrow, I'd be honoured to look after your DC's, although there are others that seem to be nearer, anyway, as I said before, it's [email protected] please email me if needed (am in Romford BTW)

Take Care x

p.s I just wanted to add that if you're worried about taking AD's, I didn't take them with my PND. I got councilling through my H.V. and it really worked, just having someone to tell all my worries to and them not being connected to me in anyway. Maybe another route or to compliment with AD's?

Thankyou for your message, it's really great to hear a more positive tone to your messages. With time and treatment you will feel better, can you believe that AD's only take a few weeks to make you feel better? Try a different GP if your not happy with yours and do double check your dosages with the pharmacist and with us. Much love to you, and thankyou for accepting help from some of the MNetters.

HI Dottymum- hadn't seen this thread beofre and have just been catching up ... & SOOO happy when I got to your last post - sounds like your babies have both found ways to tell you how much they love you & want you in their lives.
I think you're being so brave and strong. You might not 'like' you much right now, but I think you're being amazing! xxxx

You are very brave, you will be fine

That's so great you're going with the kids. I think you're amazing to be making these decisions when you're obviously feeling not like yourself. Your parents-in-law sound like they really want to help you out which is great. However, don't feel you have to commit to staying wherever they are forever. Take advantage of the help they are offering you now and just take it a day at a time.

Don't worry about your dd feeling insecure - she'll be fine in a short while. She's given you exactly what you needed - proof of your absolute importance in her life and the best reason you could have to stay with her and your son and get to the other side of this terrible time, which you will.

Big hugs to you and your family.

Dotty, so pleased you are able to make some decisions,it is a step forward even if you don't realise it.
Please go back to docs for AD's they will really make you feel totally different. Feeling of dread is completely normal in your situation-I think it is called free floating anxiety, but it will go I promise.
You will now see your little son's first smile which is the most rewarding milestone of all. As I said before hang on to that.
Thinking of you as you go forward.
XXXXX

Dotty, have been reading along & just caught your post that you are going with the children.

I thik everyone is right, this IS just what you need!

Dotty. where are you going too?

Wonder if there is a mumsnetter where ever you are going to help you settle in/get to know that area. Even if not local, may have some knowledge?

Darling loved Dotty ...

Take it a moment, an hour, a day at a time.

Cocoon yourself mentally that all that matters in the world is your health and the wellbeing of your gorgeous babies.

And there is nobody on this planet who can love them and understand them as you do. Your love and care pulses through their veins; you were, and will forever be, the life-giving oxygen that their souls need to thrive. Before they were even born you nourished, sustained, loved, gave yourself over to them. Little upset words here and there are washed away by this tsunami of love -- so please do not fret about things that cannot be changed now. Aged 6 weeks or 60 years you will always be their beloved, precious Mother. Newborn or middle-aged, they will always want you above anybody else. Always.

So try to see that all else is really nothing. And there is nothing that you cannot cope with now that you have made the first steps to getting help and support. So let all the garbage fade into the background for a while. You are the narrator for this story and that of your children ... don't bother wasting your precious energy on people who will only drain you. Surround yourself with people who respect you for the warm treasure you so obviously are.

Life is short and fragile enough -- you should do what makes you happy. And even in the very depths of your despair your love for your children sings out. No wonder they clearly adore you. I can tell that you're an amazing lady.

When those dark clouds descend again (and that's the bugger of life isn't it!) ... know these simple things:

1. Every molecule of you is precious and loved by many

2. You are unique and irreplaceable

3. Your children are truly blessed to have such an awesome Mother who loves them so very much

4. The mood will pass -- let it hit, let it fade

5. There is nothing to be afraid of -- you have stared at the abyss and you have survived

Well done for today and for all the days before and for all the days to come.

You are amazing

x

clemster - amazing

[Thanks for the praise ]

See Dotty -- so much good is coming from this. You have touched people from every continent. By being brave and seeking support you have allowed us to share our stories and get ressurances too.

Every thing you do has an impact on someone, somewhere.

That's how important you are.

x

Clemsterdarcy, I stand back in awe, with tears in my eyes.

Please can you be here for me when I need a comforting word!!

Dotty, we all feel a huge connection with you in so many ways. There are so many people here who will love and help you through the difficult times you may face in the future.
Please keep in touch with us if you can.

I wish I could express myself with the eloquence of Clemsterdarcy, but I can't, so I will just send you my love and prayers, to you and your babies.
(((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))

clemster.....

we all need people like you in our lives

It looks like this story could have a happy ending - I am soooo pleased.
I have cried so much for you Dotty and am so relieved that you will be going with your babies.
I posted my email address before so if you need me to help in any way before you move out then please let me know.
I know you have made the right decision and your babies will thank you for it forever.
I send you and your precious babies all my love and support.
You will always be in my prayers,
Lindsey

dotty - you are in my prayers. i hope things are looking brighter. x

clem - what an amazing way with words you have. i hope i have a friend like you in my darker times x

Dotty, you're sounding stronger with every post!

Keep it up, your children will be so proud of you (as am I)

off to bed in a mo.......hope you get some sleep and feel a little better tomorrow..so glad you are still posting.....big hugs for you and the DCs........

keep in mind, you will see LO;s first smile soon...it;s so worth hanging in there xxxx (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Hi Dotty,

Just arrived in from work & read through the posts, so relieved you have posted again & let everyone know your decision. Its great you have decided to go with your babies. They are the love of your life, & you are the love of their life.
Hope things start to pick up a little now, although it wont happen over night.
If you decide to not take AD's, there may be 'herbal remedies' that can help too.
I take St Johns wort since coming of AD's, although you would have to do some reading up about them first.

Is there anyone close who can help with her kids?
I think its wonderful that Dotty has asked for help from you wonderful people on MN.
Just wish I ws nearer-Im in the North west.

(((((((big hugs)))))

Proud of you Dotty. Well done. You are showing that you can be strong.

youve made me feel better, im so glad that u trust evry1 to come back and speak to us ! TRUST ME THE FEELINGS WILL EASE WITH TIME, AND AD'S ARE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME! I was having irrational thoughts, and i felt like their wasa constsant drag in my hread and heart, so confusing, it just comes over you like a wave gradually creeping up, weve been there we feel ur pain! Huny listen, u need a break, pls go down their and dont have any expectations, that way you wont be dissapointed! EVEN IF THEY DO WNAT YOU TO STAY YOU ARE AN ADULT AND THEY ARE UR KIDS, SO DONT FEEL OBLIGED TO STAY THERE FOREVER IF IT MAKES U UNHAPPY!

My HV helped me out, she had been thorugh the same thing! IM SO PROUD OF YOU FOR BEING ABLE TO HAE THE COURAGE AND STRENGHT TO REALISE WHATS HAPPENING, UR A STAR! Kepp us updated!

I know u dont know me atall, but i have a ds who is 2, i don't know here you live, but if you needed sombody to look after your children, i can even arrnage to come down to you, obv u wud have to check me out first, and the children will be with me so you can have time and space by yourself to think!

IT IS HARD AT FIRST GOING OUT BY UR SELF WITH THE KIDS, BUT IT GETS EASIER AND UR DD WIL BE ABLE TO HELP YOU, IT WILL MAKE HER FELL IMPORTANT AND LOVED (I KNOW SHE IS ALLREADY) AND THAT WILL GIVE YOU A HAND AT THE SAME TIME! Try the science museuem, its free to get in, and there is a brill activity centre (free) for children, lots to see and a cafe, so you can be in one place all day (cafe, restaurant and picnic area) its quiet during the day, so u can have space form the crwods, and there are always freindly parents, lone or attached, ready for a chat, dont be afraid you will enjoy it! ITS NOT BUSY SO U WONT FELL CLAUSTROPHOBIC, COS WHEN I HAD PND I COULDNT BEAR TO LAEVE THE HOUSE, AMDDE UP ALL KIND OF RESONS , THE WEATHERE, IM ILL ETC! You can do it we al have faith in you! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx SORRY IF THAT WAS REALLY LONG, HOPE I HVNT BORED U TO SLEEP, THEIR IS LIGHT ATH THE END OF THE TUNNEL!

off to do school run & then some errands...back at noon ish..will check in then....xx (((hugs))) hope you are feeling a bit stronger again today..x