help

[dottymum]

Ive a 3 week old son, a four year old daughter, my husband left a couple of weeks ago.

The baby is lovely, I adore him. My four year old's behaviour is terrible. I got up to see to ds, dd woke up, screamed hystericallym demanded i went back to bed immediately. She is over demandingm jealous of the baby to an extreme.
to be honest i really dislike her at the moment. daddy doesnt want her ad she is begging to see him. he wont see her. I get the crap for it,

I feel like i want her to go live somewhere else. i really really dislike her. I know she had a lot of upset, it isnt her fault, its me. Im horrible.

What am I going to do, I love my childreb, i dont want to feel like this. I dont feel depressed as such, but Im not myself at all

Perhaps its better for them both if i gve hem up and go away

dotty, as soon as you get back from the solicitors drop an email with your details to one of the people who have left details here, or ring one of the helplines.

I am at kj_nutley@hotmail dot com

I can only reiterate what everyone else has said, please please dont do anything until you have tried to get better.

you are not worthless and do NOT make people unhappy. If that was the case why are so many people on here worried sick about you.

I am not at work tomorrow, are you around? Even just a phone call? I dont want to pressure you but none of us want you to put your children on that plane.

Good luck this morning at solicitors, and get back on here soon.

dottymum, you don't have to be feeling like this. Help is only a phone call away. It does take time, but the sooner you get the help you deserve the sooner you will feel better and see things more clearly. Please call someone today.

dottymum,

Seeing as we live so close by I was wondering if you'd like to come with me to see the Christmas lights switch on in town this evening? (Romford)

I bet the kids would love it, did you go last year? We did but had to leave before they switched the lights on, as DS was screaming! (tired / hunger etc) It'd be nice to see the whole thing really!

Dotty

Just felt the need to post again, glad you have been back on MN.

I have been in a situation simular to yours so Im living proof that you can get through this.

It was nearly 9 yrs ago now, but I had my DS (then 8months old)& was 5 months p/g with my 2nd DC. I was dew to have an amnio & my (then) partner was no support at all & wouldnt come with me to have the procedure done. (he was a vile abusive man). My dad came with me whilst my mum looked after DS. The amnio was unsuccesful & I went on to loose my baby but had to give birth to her, knowing she had died.
I felt I was on the verge of sanity/insanity.
My partner then left me 3 weeks later, plus my own mum fell out with me (over problems with my DB).
I felt I wanted to end it all, no need to carry on.
The only thing/person that kept me here was my DS-he needed me.
I went to the DR's who prescribed AD's, & I cant believe what a difference they made.
They dont take the situation away, but they can help you see things a little more clearly.

When I look back I really do wonder how I got through it because like you I had no support from family etc. Friends even avoided coming round because they had baby girls & worried how Id react (I suppose) I NEEDED THEM THOUGH.

I am now very happily married (5yrs) & have another DD.

It does get better my dear-believe me.

Please dont be hasty, think about yourself & your DC's-NOT your husband.

Your doing well so far, please hang on in there.

I will second Musiclover. I am also living proof that you can get through and survive. I have been there with no partner, no job, nowhere to live and young child demanding all the time

Never ever thought I would (honest) but I did.

Don't give up sweetie, Please try and hang on. We are all supporting you, and so many of us have been in similar situations

Dotty

Well done.

I am so proud of you for getting through the night and for coming back to talk. You are very brave to open up and tell people how you feel. That's the first step to getting help and to getting back on the right track. That's also the hardest step ... you did it darling.

Take a deep breath, get on with the practical things and as you do that just look at the beautiful children that you made. You made miracles -- you carried them under your heart, you delivered them, they are yours and they will love you and you them forever. There are so many joys ahead with them once this crappy stuff has passed.

And like the rain ... the bad stuff WILL stop and the sun will come out and warm you again.

You are irreplaceable. You are needed. You are loved.
xxxx

clemster, you hav made me go goosy, how feeling you are, I just couldnt put it into words the way you do.

I am in Essex Dotty, i don't drive but i can get to you!

Please make an urgent appt. with GP. The sooner you are on AD's the sooner this darkness will lift.

Everyone wants to help. I can come with one of the other local kind MN's. One can sit with your lovely DC and one can come to the GP with you.
Please let us help you. You do not have to do this alone.

xxxxxxxxxx

XXXXXXXXXX

Dotty, I'm also very pleased that you're still posting, you're coming on already! Please see the GP, it will help really. I felt much the same whilst pg with my dd now she's 5 months old and she's so fantastic, always smiling, I can't believe that you'd want to miss your own son smiling and becoming his own person, your daughter needs you so much. Please feel the love being sent to you by everyone posting so frantically on here, keep in touch. Give yourself a break and please take up some of the offers of friendship, think of all the lovely new friends you can make, I met a group of girls whilst pg and they really saved me, good can come from the bad. People say if you never experience the bad, you'll never value the good and it will come again, you're as low as you're going to get and it's only going to get better from now. You won't believe how bad you felt in a few weeks after some help. I saw this on a card once it really helps me ' and this too shall pass' and it will. Much love to you and your precious family.

Dotty, I'm also very pleased that you're still posting, you're coming on already! Please see the GP, it will help really. I felt much the same whilst pg with my dd now she's 5 months old and she's so fantastic, always smiling, I can't believe that you'd want to miss your own son smiling and becoming his own person, your daughter needs you so much. Please feel the love being sent to you by everyone posting so frantically on here, keep in touch. Give yourself a break and please take up some of the offers of friendship, think of all the lovely new friends you can make, I met a group of girls whilst pg and they really saved me, good can come from the bad. People say if you never experience the bad, you'll never value the good and it will come again, you're as low as you're going to get and it's only going to get better from now. You won't believe how bad you felt in a few weeks after some help. I saw this on a card once it really helps me ' and this too shall pass' and it will. Much love to you and your precious family.

Dotty, I'm also very pleased that you're still posting, you're coming on already! Please see the GP, it will help really. I felt much the same whilst pg with my dd now she's 5 months old and she's so fantastic, always smiling, I can't believe that you'd want to miss your own son smiling and becoming his own person, your daughter needs you so much. Please feel the love being sent to you by everyone posting so frantically on here, keep in touch. Give yourself a break and please take up some of the offers of friendship, think of all the lovely new friends you can make, I met a group of girls whilst pg and they really saved me, good can come from the bad. People say if you never experience the bad, you'll never value the good and it will come again, you're as low as you're going to get and it's only going to get better from now. You won't believe how bad you felt in a few weeks after some help. I saw this on a card once it really helps me ' and this too shall pass' and it will. Much love to you and your precious family.

OOps, don't know how I managed to post that 3 times! Never mind! Please everyone keep this thread bumped today! Dotty, keep us informed, there's always going to be someone around, I will be checking in a few times today, hope everything is OK for you today, my God, if I could get my bucket of rust up there I would, and I'm in the North East! Please take up the offers of help, I'm sure that MNetters would love for you to get in touch with them.

thank goodness dotty...just got in from playgroup and logged on immediately

i am so pleased you are still posting.... i just want to second everything that has been said..especially by music lover and fizzbuz & clemsterdarcy.

if you don;t feel ready to see the GP - please get together with one of the mnetters near you.....

if i was closer , i'd be round like a shot...........

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

keep posting. xx

dottymum, i live in dagenham, right by morrisons, if you would like some company or a babysitter or anything, please please please let me know and if i can help you then i will. if you want i can email you my address and contact numbers if you would like them.

dotty, oh love i feel for you i really do.
Firstly i think you need to stop and think for a moment, I am sure you did nothing to your DH he sounds like an arsehole to turn his back on you and his children as he has.
Your inlaws sound like good people and i think it might do you the world of good to go and stay with them and let them help you.
Do your own parents know how you feel, i sence you feel they favour your sister over you and this hurts you.
PLEASE PLEASE take the advice here and see your GP you will not be the first or last person to go to the DR and say help i cant cope right now.

And as for thinking of killing yourself PLEASE think of what that would do to your children, to grow up without you.
My DH1 and i went to a funeral at the start of the year of a friend who had hung himself, leaving 3 small boys behind, and it was such a heart breaking waste of life. He felt alone and that there was only one way out, yet all around him were people who cared and would have helped.

I have in a way been where you are now, i called my sister to pick my children up from school and i took myself off to chuck my self in the river, i was stood on a bridge looking in to the dark cold water and all i could think about was what a mess i had made of my life and how useless i was and how much pain i had caused everyone, but then i started thinkin about my children and what it would do to them, i went to a coffee shop sat in the warm and thought alot before calling someone to come and get me. And after seeing what had happened to our friend and all those who loved him i was so thankfull that i had not jumped in to the river.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go to your DR, pick up the phone call sameritians, take the offers of help from Mumsnet, you will get throught this i promise

.

anyone else near dotty? or have some words of comfort....

and a big thankyou of course to everyone who has posted , especially some of the very personal and moving stories and to all those who live close enough to offer practical help

i hope dotty is getting some comfort from this

I wonder if she's back yet from the solicitors?

do keep posting Dotty

Dotty lovely, I haven't posted before because I didn't know if I could say anymore than the others already have but I've got to. I thought about you all through a disturbed night and you were the first thing I thought of when I finally woke up. Darling girl, the most important thing is that you get help to get better - if you have managed to raise a four-year-old daughter then that in a second wipes out all your arguments about having no life, being useless etc - you've already done the most amazing thing a human being can do, give life to and nurture another. And now you have the chance to do it again with your son. Even if in the beginning you need lots of help to get through this, even if the children need to go to temporary carers as other people have said while you get treatment, in the long-term all that matters is you get through this to go on to have a life with your children.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, don't do anything rash to yourself. Five years ago one of my best friends committed suicide and the hole her death left in my and other people's lives was - still is- immense. And that is just her friends I'm talking about. How much larger would the hole in your children's lives be if you did the same?

Re your husband, you don't owe him one little thing. Anybody who can abandon not just you but his own children (particularly his daughter, who is aware of it) at a time like this really does not deserve the smallest bit of consideration from you right now. Ignore whatever he wants and concentrate on yourself and the children and getting the help you need.

Stay with us, sweetheart, everybody wants to help you and see you come through this in the end.

Much love,
Callie

bump

please let us know how you have got on today DM... would love to know how you are feeling.

xx

dotty I'm so pleased that you came back to post again. As soon as I got up this morning I checked to see how you were getting on.

Please please please listen to the people who are posting. There are so many people who care about you - and if all of the people posting (who don't even know you) care about you this much, I think you must be pretty special

I know things are difficult now, but please go and see a doctor to get the help that you need. You are ill - and the doctor can help you to make it better.

Your children need you more than anything in the world, they really do.

there are lots of people who want to help - can you arrange to meet up with one of the MNers who live near you?

As for your husband this is not about him, it's about you and your children.

.bump.

Please let us know how you have got on Dotty

Im working this afternoon till late this evening but my thoughts are with you & I will be checking later for any response.

(((((big tight hug))))))

Well i've had my lunch, I hope you are managing to eat Dottymum.

I am looking out for your posts.

xxx