Is anybody still up?

[MummySparkle]

I could really do with a hand-hold.

PND & Anxiety are really getting to me. I can't sleep, I have to keep tapping my toes. And I've been googling overdoses for the first time in a long long time. It's not been a good week here :(

I'm sorry to hear that .

How old are your children/child?

Hello, I don't have any constructive advice really but I'm here to hold your hand.

Anxiety and pnd depression sound like a horrible combination. Do you have any meds that help? Would talking things through help? What has made this week so bad?

I've read your other thread (with great sympathy) and can appreciate how stressful this last week must have been. Keep talking about it here if it helps.

Is there anyone who could come round tomorrow and just be around with you? Presuming your OH will be at work?

Thanks for your replies.

DCs are 2 and 9monhs.

We moved house a month ago. I'm in no man's land between CMHTs at the moment, and my MIMHS consultant is on leave.

I'm on sertraline, but it needs reviewing. I have lorazepam, tempted to take some tonight, but I'm worried I won't wake up if DD cries :/

But I've been lying here rapping my feet for an hour, so this isn't gelpinc.

Apologies for the poor typing. I have to keep my toes I. Time so fingers are a bit funbly

We cross posted there.

Yes OH is at work tomorrow. I have my PND craft group in the afternoon. I'm planning to go to te library in the morning to register. I'm hoping I feel calmer once out of the house.

I can't even changes nappy at the moment without getting into a panic that I might lose control ??

Sounds like a good plan for tomorrow.

Would getting up and doing something else for a few minutes help break the foot tapping compulsion? Forgive me if that's not helpful.

I decided to take one of the lorazepam that I have. I know it will take a while to kick in. I haven't had them for years. I feel like I've taken a massive step backwards.

Getting up probably would help, but I'm too tired to focus on anything and j don't want to wake anybody up. We are only in day 3 of DD being in her own cot in her own room. It would be nice to get some sleep where I can stretch out in our bed.

Thank you for your replies - illy really does mean a lot x

Anxiety is a horrible place to be.

If you took your meds would your OH hear the children if they woke?

Sorry, x posted!

I don't think you've taken a step backwards- you've made a sensible decision.

I hope you do manage to get some sleep.

I agree that there's no step backward here - different situations need different decisions. If you have a headache and take painkillers, no one would think that's a step backwards. You're dealing with an illness that happens to be mental rather than physical, and if a particular medicine is helpful today then that's absolutely fine.

I hope you can get some sleep soon.

Ugh, I just wrote a reply to this and it deleted itself :(

I did manage to sleep in the end DD woke up just after my last post, so I brought her in with us, DS arrived not long after, so I ended up getting the spare pillow and sleeping at the foot of the bed. Once I was asleep I slept well. First time in a long time I didn't have any crazy dreams which was a relief.

This morning I have a lorazepam hangover, I used to take one every night, but that was a long time ago and clearly my body is t used to it anymore. Getting out of bed felt like an ordeal and I feel woozy and sluggish.

On the upside, I managed to changes a pooey nappy on DS without having a panic attack this morning. I can feel the lorazepam beginning to wear off now and the jitteriness creeping back in.

Thank you all for sitting with me last night. It really helped to know there were people out ther listening xXx

You're welcome. Glad you got a little sleep.

Can you see your GP today for an urgent review of your medication?

Thanks Izzy

I've just moved house, so I'm in limbo between GPs at the moment. And i'd rather it was done by a psych doctor, although the GP does need to check my thyroid levels.

I had a really anxious phase in the middle of the day, luckily it was during my PND craft group so I had support there. And the craft really chilled me out too.
I'm going to take a lorazepam with my night meds this evening. Hopefully it will help me fall asleep easier and keep me calm tomorrow as well. I'm definitely starting to feel more jittery again this evening as everything wears off.

OH reminded me that he has a big box of other psych meds in the house (he doesn't take them anymore) I kibda wish he hadn't said, as now I'm tempted by them

The consultant from the Mother and Infant Mental Health team should hopefully be giving me a telephone consultation tomorrow. Fingers crossed she actually calls. Maybe she can fax a prescription somewhere for me. A little bit of crochet in front of the fire, and then bed again for me

Crochet is a good mind-stiller isn't it?

You don't need me to tell you your OHs box of meds is not a good idea - but I am anyway!

Your plan for lorazepam tonight is a good one though!

I really hope you hear from the mental health team tomorrow . Can you access them direct if you don't hear from them? Or via your health visitor?

Wishing you a peaceful night.

Oh I know it's an utterly horrendous idea. I feel so isolated and that nobody takes me seriously at the moment that it feels like it might be only way I can access help. I'm not actively planning anything. Just thinking about it.

I have a number for MIMHS, their receptionist is nice.

I have no health visitor yet either. Have had a letter from them: "dear parent / guardian of DD" No mention of DS at all and they spelled DD's name wrong (grrrr) I'm sure it will all get ironed out. They are coming to visit us in a few weeks time.

This week is getting along now. Tomorrow is mostly empty and ME, alone, with the DCs. That scares me somewhat. Rhues, fri & sat are filled up. Sunday scares me too as OH is probably out cycling again. It's sundays and Wednesdays that get to me the most I think.

Hopefully the Dr will have some suggestions for me tomorrow. I've just dream-fed DD and I'm heading to bed now. Fingers crossed I won't lie awake for quite so long tonight x

Do you have a home start scheme running in your area? They have been amazing to me a lifeline. A shoulder to cry on, practical help with the children and getting to appointments. Honestly think I couldn't have made it through without the help that charity has given ne and know many other who say the same. They help a lot of people going through PND and never judge and a lot of the workers have first hand experience of PND themselves.

Yes, I've only heard great things about home start too.

Again, because I've just moved its all a bit confusing. My Family Support Worker is trying to sort out a referral to them at the moment. HV referred to the home start where I was before, but they don't cover where I am now. It's all blown up at a bit of a bad time really!

I'm going to have a social work assistant coming to support me for a few hours once a week for the next 6 weeks. I think She's going to be similar to home start, but I'm not really too sure.

Feeling the jitters again tonight. Waiting for the lorazepam to kick in...

Waiting fir meds to kick in here to, trying to keep the brain busy until then. We have had social services too but they seem to close quickly and often inky stick about for a few weeks. It is coming up to three years of having home start in my life and they have built a strong relationship with me in that time,
knowing they are going to be there in the long term has really helped me.

What is your new place like?

Hi Sparkle,

Hope your night was ok. Just a thought about today - your (new) local Children's Centre may well have an activity going on today.

If you haven't come across it yet you could google it? And you could also talk to them about Homestart.

Hope your day goes smoothly.

:( small fingers deleted this reply too :(

I feel groggy from the lorazepam this morning. But I do feel rested too if that makes sense? Another night without crazy dreams is always welcome!

My current childrens family support worker is amazing. She has got hold of a brochure for my new local childrens centre. They don't run any groups on a Wednesday, but she is going to come with me to a Tuesday grouo in a few weeks time. The PND craft group finishes at Easter so this new group will be my Tuesday thing that breaks up the day. Hopefully. If they're nice :/

4hrs til OH gets home, then I'm taking the DCs into town as I have an eye test. OH is going back out so can't have them - Grr!

New house is gorgeous.despite all of the stress and headache, I'd still have moved. It's twice the size of our last place with 3 bedrooms, and a converted cellar that will be our office / my craft room. And a garage for OH's bikes and a huge garden for the DCs to play in. I've always dreamed of having a kitchen big enough to have our dining room table in the middle

Your new house sounds lovely! I know what you mean about having a table in the kitchen, I always wanted one too. It won't be long until the weather is nice enough that the garden will be nice to be out in.

Maybe with you being crafty you could plan some new projects for the house. Do you pintrest? I have just discovered it and there are lovely ideas for home projects. I have recently covered some wooden frames in leftover curtain fabric and they are hung in the lounge and I think they look pretty good.

I have a huge list of house projects

Shit, DS just tripped over and hit his temple on the TV table

Sorry to drag this up again.

Both children are still awake, Friday is my longest day at work. I am utterly spent. Neither child will sleep. OH is being a grumpy moo. And I have horrible scary thoughts flying around my head. I feel very unwell and unsafe tonight.

Oh, DS was fine the other night. Sore, but no lasting damage

Have you been able to talk to your OH about how you're feeling?