I could really do with a hand-hold.
PND & Anxiety are really getting to me. I can't sleep, I have to keep tapping my toes. And I've been googling overdoses for the first time in a long long time. It's not been a good week here :(
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Mental health
Is anybody still up?
90 replies
MummySparkle · 03/03/2015 00:23
OP posts:
CultureSucksDownWords ·
15/03/2015 23:43
You've got a lot to deal with at the moment, most people would struggle with it without having a mental health issue to deal with as well. I hope you are ok tonight, and try and tell your consultant as much as you can in the appointment tomorrow.
If it all gets too much at any point then go to A&E and ask for help.
Ohbollocksandballs ·
15/03/2015 09:37
What time is your appointment tomorrow? Try and use that as something to focus on. Have you taken any today?
Happy Mother's Day 
MummySparkle ·
13/03/2015 06:47
Thank you bollocks
That's brilliant that you made it to the pub, a huge positive, you definitely should be proud. Do you feel more confident to go again now when you're next invited?
Hexagons have been shelved for a bit. I've joined over half of them, but joining was using too much brain power, so I started a pile of squares for a new blanket instead.
Yesterday evening was terrible. I got a call back from the GP, my bloods are all fine. I really thought my thyroid would be wrong, then they could change my thyroxine and id feel better. I really hoped there would be a medical explanation. But there's not. It's all my head.
The anxiety seems to come in waves at the moment. One of them was so overwhelming last night. I was curled up on the floor clinging on to OH's feet because it was the only way I could cope with the thoughts in my head.
I have to get up and get ready for work in a bit. I woke up lots in the night, I dint feel rested at all this morning. I know work will be busy today. There is a 5hr exam in one room, and we are painting scenery for the drama department in the other room. It's an 'enrichment day' so we're off timetable which might throw me a bit. But it's also non-uniform day, so comfy clothes here I come! Really with I could turn up in my PJs...
I'm scared I'll have an anxiety attack at work. I'm going to take a lorazepam with me just in case.
I'm driving DD to MILs this morning so I have to drive safe. I'll be driving home on my own though
OP posts:
MummySparkle ·
12/03/2015 17:21
Thanks lovely.
Yes, free time is bad, I'm not sure what to do with it. If I'd been at work it wouldn't have been so bad, but I had to leave the premisis to go and buy lunch. I didn't take lunch with me, so was going to keep working, but my colleagues made me eat something 
My boss is a star, she knows I was off on Monday because of 'head stuff' and that my anxiety has been bad. I told her to keep me busy this afternoon, and she set up loads of jobs for me to do. It wasn't hard - the kids have exams tomorrow, so it was quite chaotic trying to get everything prepped.
Driving home was scary. Lots of my head was telling me to close my eyes and steer off the road. It's really hard to separate what's te real me from the MH stuff. But what if the MH stuff is the real me? 
OP posts:
MummySparkle ·
12/03/2015 13:48
I'm at work, was fine until lunch, now really REALLY anxious. I work around lots of sharps :(asked a colleague for a smoke. Outside trying to calm down
OP posts:
MummySparkle ·
11/03/2015 15:53
OH did come straight home in the end. With food and trifle 
He forced me up out of DSs bed (we were watching night garden- think I'd drifted off) and downstairs to go and have something to eat.
It's definitely the medication. I feel all shakey and freezing cold. I'm tired to the core. I have to go to work tomorrow 
I hope it doesn't take too long to settle down. Because it's not doing anything for the negative thoughts yet. Possibly feeling the worst I've felt yet. OH won't let me go to bed until the children are asleep. I can't starvawake fir that long
OP posts:
MummySparkle ·
11/03/2015 14:01
I'm struggling today.
New meds are among me really tired. SW visited earlier, she was nice. I ran about tidying the house before she came and now I'm spent.
DD is in her cot, DS is in his room. They are safe but I have no energy left. I'm in bed.
I just called OH because I'm desperate for help. He said 'you've been at home all day, what have you done to make you tired?' And he said he wasn't coming home now (he was on his way home)
I can barely keep my eyes open to type this. The DCs are grizzling for me, but I can't get to them
OP posts:
MummySparkle ·
10/03/2015 22:16
Thank you bisley [flower]
I masked all sorts of things. Got a giant blanket underway, but I did the border wrong and unpicked lots. Hence getting fed up and starting the hexies! Top 3 rows are now all bordered and joined together, it's starting to look like a proper blanket, I'm really quite proud of it actually! I've made both if the DCs list of blankets and I make hats fit all my friends that have new babies. I'm hoping to make a couple of these hexie ones and set up an etsy shop to sell them. One of my friends has an actual real life shop that sells crochet bits, so I might ask her if she needs more stock.
I know some people that have had great support from SS too bollocks and as its me that sees them they are constantly reassuring me that they can see we are great parents, just in need of a bit of support at the moment. My family support worker was saying that as I reported DSs bruises myself they could see that I was mortified and asking for help. If they'd foubd the bruises at crèche without me saying anything then it would have been a different story. I did the right thing about a terrible situation.
Both OH and I get snappy when we're unwell, makes for a hard time. But I need to make sure he doesn't get ill too, otherwise we really will be struggling.
That sounds awful with your ex bollocks I really hope you can get everything sorted ASAP. Feel free to keep chatting about it here if it helps. I've got my fingers crossed for you x
OP posts:
Ohbollocksandballs ·
10/03/2015 19:46
No for my gas and electric! Slightly more boring than medication levels im afraid. I had mine in a pill box but then I lost it
I'd be paranoid about social services too, I think it's just because you only really hear bad stories about them so everyone seems to associate them with a negative outcome. I know a few people that have had them involved and they've been a fabulous help.
I too get very snappy when I'm anxious. That's often the first sign people get that im not feeling great. Very jealous of the Gregg's by the way I bloody love them.
They look amazing, what sort of other things do you make?
The long post is a welcome distraction. Had a bit of a stressful day, DS's dad is being a dick again. So much so that my solicitor is pushing for an emergancy injunction against him as he has been making threats against me. We're hoping to be able to secure a hearing either tomorrow or Thursday. Fingers crossed it all goes well.
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MummySparkle ·
10/03/2015 19:28
As in a smart meter for your medication levels? That's cool! Social worker is coming over tomorrow with a good old fashioned daily pill box so I get better at taking them.
OH is still really paranoid about having social services involved, even though they are here to support us. So I have to spotlessly clean the house tonight. He had a bit of a hissyfit this afternoon because the kitchen was a mess. He knocked a ketchup bottle over and swiped a pile of laundry onto the floor because he "can't cope when it's in a state like this". sigh 5 mins would have cleared and cleaned all of the surfaces and then it woul have been fine to work in (obvs the washing up takes longer). But I hadn't had a chance in the morning and he got home before we did.
I know it's his anxiety making him like that, be he gets really nasty and snappy. Which in turn gets me all shouty because my temper is ready to go at the slightest thing. And then he tells me off for being rude and shouting at him. I'm not feeling the support today.
I left the DCs with him for an hour whilst I collected my new sertraline prescription and my new glasses, and got back to him behaving like a child. He really begrudged me for going.
On the up-side, my world is in HD again... Yay! And I sneaked a sausage roll from Griggs
Dr Nice from th GP called, my full blood count came back normal, so no more folic acid for me. My thyroxine levels weren't back at close of play today, but one of his colleagues is going to keep an eye out for the results and call in the morning.
You should definitely give crochet a go. I'd recommend stylecraft special DK and a 4mm hook to begin with. It's cheap, easy to work with and comes in any colour under the sun! Wool warehouse.co.uk are fab. I've been using ice magic light for my hexagons. It's ha d to get hold of in the UK, gems yarn loft (Google it) stock it. Each ball has slow colour changes so you get lots of different shades from just one ball. Oh and make sure you're watching a video for UK crochet terms.. The U.S. have different names for the same stitches (it's super confusing!) x
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