To not bother much with christmas because it's only ds, dh and me?

[Biggamehunter]

I'm feeling really depressed at the moment. I was planning in trying to make the best if christmas but something's happened today that although only small really has knocked me for six.

I really cannot be bothered with christmas this year. It just does not seem worth the effort. All that build up for just one day. And it's only the three of us, it barely seems worth the pretence that we are a normal happy family like everyone else.

Wibu to just do the absolute bare minimum? Few gifts but no tree or special lunch or anything? What's the point really? Even if it is vaguely cheery the other 364 days of the year are fucking miserable.

No it's more that I am not enough for him.
What's the point of pretending I am? You've got it all the wrong way around.

Incidentally, I loathe tree decorating, so I have one with lights already wired into it and I just let the kids chuck christmassy rubbish on it. They love it, I don't have to do it, everyone is happy. Sometimes they we do it when my mum is here so it even ends up looking half decent!

I always wanted more children, but I was so ill postnatally that I had to get over that. It was hard, I had some counselling, but I got there.

I know your depression is colouring the way you see everything but I have to say I am shocked that you are cancelling Christmas for the child you have because you are feeling sorry that you can't have another one.

You are so irrational you should not be going through fertility treatment now in any case. ( sorry if harsh but I have been through it myself and you need to be on top form to be able to cope with it. The statistics for success of ivf are so low, you are not likely to be successful - I wasn't personally.)

What if you were pregnant now - would Christmas for your son be back on?

There is nothing at all wrong with being or having an only child. I have one and I feel utterly blessed to have him. He has also asked me about a sibling and I just tell him how lucky he is to have me and his dad all to himself.
Go to the doctor.

Why is seeing a GP and getting help so you can be there for your 5 year old a bad idea?

So are you going to try Big? Or are you just going to give up? Are you going to listen to EVERY person posting here and get some help? This depression isn't just hurting you. If you truly love your son and want the best from him you get up and you try. You don't give up however hard it's going to be.
You say you haven't any friends. Use us. We are all telling you to ring your GP. You will get support here but you need to help yourself too.

I think you are being utterly ridiculous in thinking your son will miss out by being an only. It is not a question of worse, it is a question of different. He will have both parents to himself, what a great gift that is! Stop underestimating your own worth.

I'm going to have to leave as in starting to get pissed-off and offended. Are you trying to say that parents of one child are not enough for them? Let me tell you mine is a only child with only one parent and is completely happy and smootherd with love because i make sure he is.
i used to get upset because i looked at family's like yours, mum dad and child and wish i could give him a different life. But guess what. We get along just fine and you wont meet a little boy who is in less doubt how much he is treasured

I GET IT, OP.

I see that you think you are not enough for him
(cant provide sibling, cant 'snap out of it', can't even make a nice Xmas etc ).

You ARE GOOD ENOUGH but your depression is stopping you seeing it.
It is stopping you 'being there' for him the way you so want to be.

Please seek help for this depression.
It is more important than striving for a sibling.
You can come out the other side for your son.
He needs you.
Try your best and you will surprise yourself.
But DO seek help too so you are not carrying such a huge burden alone.

The gp won't help.
I'm sorry, I don't know why I posted. Nothing will help. There is no way out except the obvious one. You are all right, my son deserves more. I won't post again about it. There's no answer so there's no point is there, it's all just wasting everyone's time.
Thank you

Have one child, now 14. time flies op it really does. Don't miss the lovely times you both could have now, by wishing for another child to the exclusion of all else.

my child went thru phases of wanting siblings and it is upsetting at the time. but if it wasn't that it would be something else. Without being harsh that's life. You can't see it maybe op, but everyone has problems. different to yours but just as devastating.

How do you know the GP won't help?

What did they say when you showed them this thread talking about killing yourself?

Please, get help!

Cross post op. your son needs you. more than anyone else. Please talk to someone in real life.

Yes probably a good thing I'm hopelessly infertile since I'm such a shit mother anyway. Maybe it's god's way of telling me. Everything happens for a reason as people always tell me.

So you'd be happy to go up to any of the many women out there who haven't managed to conceive once and tell them that their lack of children is 'God's way of telling them they'd be a shit mother'?! Really? If you couldn't say it to a heartbroken stranger because it's wrong and clearly untrue, you shouldn't say it to yourself.

I sympathise with your suffering, and know you're in the grip of an irrationality I understand all too well, but that, believe me, is the very polite version of what went through my head when I read that comment.

biggame - if you won't go to your GP, go to A&E. Or call the Samaritans. Please. For your son's sake, if not your own.

Your depression is lying to you. The way you're feeling isn't normal, it isn't okay and it can be stopped. But you need to take that first step

You are reading all the negatives into every post and not seeing the reality.

Nobody is saying you are a crap mum. I mentioned crap parents being better than none earlier, just to emphasise that a parent is so so important to a child. You are so important to your child. I wasn't trying to imply you were crap. Sorry if it came across that way.

You are his world. Don't crash that little world by walking away from him, either physically or emotionally. A sibling is important to you but not to him. He probably said that no more seriously than saying he wanted fish fingers for tea. It was a fleeting feeling that you are hanging onto to validate your own feelings. He doesn't need siblings. He does need you, preferably a you who is willing to go to the doctors for him.

I had secondary infertility, I know how bad it can get, I really do, I went completely demented with it all. I have the 2nd child now ( with a big age gap which has turned out to be great, all my fears were irrational)

You need some help, really you do. I found support from other mothers in the same situation (more than you think!) and I was lucky in that I could pay for some private treatment to a point. Just feeling I was doing something was key, acupuncture was fab. I don't think it did anything really, but to me I was being treated, I was able to talk about it, relaxed and comforted. It did wonders looking back.

If you cancel Xmas it will make it all worse not better. There are lots of things you can do with your DS now that you might not be able to afford or practically manage with a baby. Do this stuff now!! Next year you might not be able to!!

I wish I could turn back time and not behave as I did. I truly truly do. My 2nd is amazing but it was a big shock that actually, things were also great before, I was just too obsessed to see it. I just felt abnormal & it coloured everything. Now I see it was all in my head.

I hope this helps or doesn't make you feel worse at least. And force yourself at Xmas, it's shit but you've got to, and give yourself a chance you might enjoy it.

How about you call your GP surgery and ask for an emergency appointment, and go and see your GP, and tell them exactly what you have told us. And then, if the GP does not help, you can come back and say 'told you so'?

Well yes, there is the very obvious answer. You get help. That's it. You get it through your GP (who will help) or you seek it privately. You call helplines mentioned on this thread. You go to A&E and sit there until someone helps you if you feel you are going to hurt yourself. You don't want to try so you won't magically get better. You have to make the effort. This will be my last post as I'm clearly just repeating myself, but I wish you and your little boy all the luck in the world and hope you find peace and happiness.

You talk of an only child like its some sort of disease that needs curing. Only children can still be very happy, you don't need siblings to be happy. They can make friends at school, clubs, the park etc. They don't have to compete for attention, feel second best and usually have the added advantage that there is more money for extras as salaries aren't stretching to cover more people.

How does your DH feel, opis one child good enough for him? You affect your sons whole future and no matter how good you think you are hiding it you won't be. Get help, don't let him continue to feel he was never good enough for you.

Ring the Samaritans now. You need help now. Please. Don't give up on your little boy. He needs you to ring them now.

Any good GP would take this very seriously. If they don't help you, see another until someone does. I had a friend (very successful academic, been on TV a lot recently, struggling desperately with depression) who was feeling nearly this bad a few months ago. She thought the world would be better off without her too. She went to her GP, she got meds (and counselling, I think) and she is well on the road to recovery.

You can get better. You can be well enough by christmas to give your son a happy day, followed by an equally happy year for your both.

You just have to fight your way out of the depression for just a few minutes to phone the GP and get yourself there. If you feel suicidal, phone an ambulance - SERIOUSLY!

Or go to a & e now and refuse to move until you get help. Your son deserves this help from the nhs even if you feel you don't.

Despite saying posters have got it the wrong way round and that you feel you are not enough for your son, just imagine for a moment how your son will look back on his childhood in 20 years time if you don't get any help.

Will it go something like 'My childhood wasn't the best tbh. In fact, it was pretty shit. We never celebrated Christmas together as a family, I used to go to my GP's house because all mum wanted to do was mope at home. I don't remember having a Christmas tree up or spending time with my mum putting decs up, she never sat with me and helped me write to santa. There was no Christmas dinner or silly hats out of crackers. It was just me and dad leaving mum at home to cry while we went to GP'S. It was awful. I remember writing a letter at school once and asking Santa for my mum to be happy, but it never happened. All she cared about was having another child. She says she wanted to give me a sibling and couldn't, but I'd have traded 100 siblings just to have a mum who wanted to spend time with me doing stuff for fun. Instead, my while bloody childhood revolved around mum and her problems. If I am lucky enough to have a child, we won't be spending Christmas round the GP's. Why would we? Mum ruined my Christmases. I won't let her do that to my child. I will make it as much fun as possible. We'll do silly stuff and laugh and have fun. It's something that you can never get back. All mum had to do was go to the doctor, but she wouldn't even do that. I didn't feel very special at all. I felt like a poor substitute for the sibling she focused my whole life on having.

Your son will grow up to see his dad made Christmas special, that you couldn't make the effort for one day. That isn't going to make him feel wanted or special at all.

OP, It is incredibly difficult for a fully grown adult to live with someone with depression. How do you expect your child to get through this when you refuse to participate in helping yourself?

Your son deserves this help from the nhs even if you feel you don't.

^ THIS