To not bother much with christmas because it's only ds, dh and me?

[Biggamehunter]

I'm feeling really depressed at the moment. I was planning in trying to make the best if christmas but something's happened today that although only small really has knocked me for six.

I really cannot be bothered with christmas this year. It just does not seem worth the effort. All that build up for just one day. And it's only the three of us, it barely seems worth the pretence that we are a normal happy family like everyone else.

Wibu to just do the absolute bare minimum? Few gifts but no tree or special lunch or anything? What's the point really? Even if it is vaguely cheery the other 364 days of the year are fucking miserable.

Throughout this Ive been wondering if your husband has fertility problems because its seemed to me that he tries to minimise how you feel about having difficulty conceiving. He doesn't want to believe in depression and tablets - could it be its because he doesn't wasn't to face the fact its his fertility issue that is contributing to making you unwell?

And he wont go to counselling - maybe he is scared he won't seem like a man?

Your husband is an abusive bully. You said yesterday: "At least when I go back to work dh might think I'm less useless (can't have a baby, hasn't got a job)" but it's him that has the fertility problems? Sheesh -I should have guessed.

Really, don't have any more fertility treatment with this man. You haven't posted a single thing that makes me feel warm towards him. Not one. Do you know what financial abuse is? Because you're being financially abused

^ what they said. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Definitely still need to go to the GP though, even if you're feeling better.

By 'male factor' do you mean the fertility issues are down to him? And he's financially abusive. You'll be worse off when you go back to work as he'll stop sharing his money with you and you'll have to pay for childcare? This is verging quickly into 'leave the bastard' territory. As you say, he'd have to pay more in maintenance than he shares with you now. Take some time, talk to Women's Aid, give it some thought. You're not stuck with him, though.

You might even meet someone else and - later on, when things have settled down - have more children with a caring and supportive partner...

Glad to hear that you are feeling better today OP.

I have been through multiple IVF due to male factor infertility.
My H didn't 'cope' at all well.
We were not given counselling (although we should have been).
He found it hard to accept the MF and hard to bond with his children due to the ivf process.
IVF can be brutal and is not something to be embarked upon unless you are feeling solid, in relationship and life in general, imo.

It could well be that your partner is depressed and transferring a lot of this onto you (which could lead to your own depression) and also control issues coming from him to you? Or not.

I hope you can get support for yourself.
You sound a very loving mother.x

How's it going, OP?