awful shock. not sure I want to be here.

[Raftofdeterminationandlove]

Hello.

I was going to namechange but can't be bothered.

Just received a very upsetting email from a close relative (not the relative being abusive. I get on with them and love them. It's just the email contained some very upsetting news).

The last few years have been hard. My parents split up and there were lots of complications. Just as it looked as if things might get better I get this bomshell.

I am sorry. I know that I am being irritatingly cryptic but I have to get something out now or I will take an overdose or cut or something (I have cut in my life but have an urge to now). This is something which could destroy our family. I have already been struggling with depression but am on tablets and coping day to day. Generally feel ok. Now this. If I can think of ways to put details up without identifying myself I will but this is terrible and I am so sick of it.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far.

Right my goals for tomorow are:

Get appointment.

Shower and wash hair. I've just realised I haven't done that for days I am disgusting

Excellent goals!
And no, you're not disgusting, you're not exactly well - these things go out the window a bit when we're under the weather, in whatever way.

I suppose so

Tonight if I feel bad I am going to try and read

If it helps, I once fainted when I was at art college and pooed myself the poor fashion students :o

Hope you are okay x

Oh I'm sorry

I read afterwards that could happen. I don't think I would have cared at the time but I would afterwards!

I am ok thank you xxx

Oh it was years ago, I don't even think they noticed and if they did they never mentioned it :) they were most probably just appalled at the fat mature student on the floor :o

So you've got over the trauma then?

I didn't really fall. I think I wilted gracefully like a flower and fell onto my crutch. I now have a big bruise on my arm but I could have fallen on my head so I suppose it could be worse although the way my brain is working right now I might now noticed

I am not doing too badly atm. I am going to try and go to bed earlier but I am expectign a payment to go out so I can't until then.

Pleased to hear it - what do you have lined up for reading? I go to my comfort reads when I'm not in a happy place - mostly Georgette Heyer or Terry Pratchett - but when I was in a really bad place I borrowed my Dad's collection of Agatha Christies!

Arthur Conan Doyle and Terry Pratchett but not both at once I feel a little bit down but not like last night. I just wish I wasn't getting tired so easily. I know why I am but it's still annoying. I feel 90 (gets zimmer frame and new beige wardrobe)

Ooo and you must get some of these too then:

I couldn't find a pic of the usual large red spotty ones!

Actuallly I would look quite good in those.

The payment has gone out of my bank. Waaaah! I have no money. It needed to go out though so I suppose it's good (convinces self)

Yes, it is good that it went through.
I have to go out now so I hope you get some sleep!

Ok thanks. Going to bed soon

Hello

First of all want to say thanks for all the support I have on here. Although I am still getting tired very easily I am not too bad today so want to do an update while I still have the energy.

I haven't made a GP appointment but I haven't forgotten. In order to make one on the phone you have to get up at 4 in the morning (only slight exaggeration) and wait around for ages. I haven't got the energy at the moment. I decided to walk down this afternoon and make an appointment but then remember they close on Thursdays afternoons. I will make one tomorrow morning

I have been given a number to phone for a mental health assessment but when I tried no one answered. That is a bit annoying but i will try again tomorrow. I have to make one within a week of getting the letter. I got the letter today so that is ok.

I didn't manage a shower but I did strip wash. I will do my hair tomorrow.

I think that is it. Hope I've remembered everything.

RAFT, justnfoud uhere but cant readit all yet as mirgrain, You sound like youare startng to look after yourself.Be back in morning.Hope you sleepxxx

Cjel thank you for taking the trouble to post when you're not well yourself

I hope your migraine passes very soon. xxx

Good morning

Pleased to see that you had a brighter day and managed a strip wash. The ordinary stuff seems exhausting when you're not feeling yourself so don't worry too much. Clean hair makes me feel better so I hope you are able to do that soon.
Fingers crossed that you can make an appointmen with a doctor today x

Glad to hear that you're sounding a little more upbeat today, Raft and that you've managed to do a couple of things - bugger re. the GP being closed Thursday afternoon, how inconvenient of them! Ditto the non-answering MH number, but keep at it - they'll answer eventually. :)

I know what you mean about having to get up really early to get a same-day appt at the GP too - I used to have to get the number ready to go in my phone, then the second it hit 8am, start the dial and re-dial - might get through 15 mins later if I was really lucky but it could take up to 40mins!

Am feeling depressed so doing crossword.

Made appointments I need to make.

I went to the doctor and the receptionist asked my name and I forgot it. I remembered eventually of course but [facepalm]

Night times are very hard. I hope the nytol works. I want to chop my hair off.

I've forgotten how old I am before, through tiredness and stress - don't think I've managed to completely forget my name though. Have got confused and used the wrong one, as in maiden vs married - but not entirely forgotten it. Just shows how tired out and stressed your brain is, Raft. ((((hugs))))
Hang on to your hair for now - wait until you feel a bit better before you do anything rash!

Low mood but still have hair and know my name

Bonus! I like that you can count your blessings and have a glimmer of humour flickering through - definitely good signs.