summer heat - in the village we'll meet....oh, those summer nights! support for MH issues, depression, anxiety, what ever the issue come visit the village [titled edited by MNHQ]

[SomethingVicardThisWayComes]

well a well a well a oh tell me more tell me more.....

new thread guys....feels funny doing the threads again! but nice....

so. for any newbies....the purpose of the "village" threads is to support anyone with MH issues....depression, anxiety, anything at all, for what ever reason.

there is an open door policy in the village! so pull up a pew and get stuck in....

katkins please don't leave the thread. I really value your insight and support for others.

Fluffy - ((big hug)) for you. I am thinking of you during this tough time for you.

NanaNina and KatKins - I can only echo what others have posted. I value and appreciate both of your advice, along with others on the thread when I am in need of advice, a handhold or just to witter on a bit...
I hope to see you both still on the thread ;)

Hi to everyone else!

I do need a little advice. Didn't want to post on the employment thread. I have occasionally seen the odd thread on there when the op has a MH issue at work. Sometimes others don't quite understand the mindset of folk with MH issues....

I have been getting myself in a bit of a hissy state today. I have a job interview this week. If I get the job, I understand most employers require you to fill out a medical form.

I just want to have a fresh start and worry if I have to put down (only if required tho) about my MH issues and the two months I was signed off sick this year. Am I a terrible person if I said nothing?

I don't know what info my last employers would give to a new one. Does anyone know if they are obliged to them about how much sick you have had? Or is it confidential?

My previous manager was not a person who wanted to understand MH issues, it worries and stresses me for a new manager who may be of the same ilk being put off.

Lastly - anyone got a good tip for naming a weakness in the workplace that can have a positive spin on it to improve on? If I said my true weakness being too trusting of my colleagues, which eventually may cause a problem is not great. The job is in retail.

Any feedback good or bad will be gratefully received :)

That's what happens to me, Keema, I can work of out afterwards, so I know my own patterns and ways of thinking.when things puck up, I'm hyper aware of my own patterns because a) I have to be:I live alone and there's no one else to tell me if I'm getting that way, so I need to know and b) I have brilliant insight that saves me time and again. Insight is generally more common is psychotic depression, which is why they are treating it as such. We are not mh proffesionals, though, and my cpn tells me that each case is different. Diagnosing some one with the limited information they post on here is probably not the most supportive thing to do. I felt got at because it was suggested that I wasn't doing what was best for dd, and that I was "making it all up". It's probably best I step away from the thread for a bit, as I find that incredibly upsetting, but I will watch from a distance to see how you are getting on.

I didn't read it as Nana saying or doing anything of the sort. I've 'known' Nana for quite some time on this board and have only ever seen her be supportive.

As I said, how you describe things doesn't fit well with conventional psychotic illness. You're certainly one of the first people I've heard from who is that aware, but everyone is different.

I don't know at the time, but afterwards when I reflect on it, I do. Sort of have to, as I rely on me and me alone to get through the world. It comes and goes- some days I'm more aware than others. I find it incredibly distressing, and to be told effectively that I'm 'lying' too. Sorry, but that's too upsetting for me.

Here's a bit about psychotic depression. See the bit abour people being aware the thoughts they have aren't true? I'm also aware I'm quite angry here, too, but you have NO IDEA how hard it is as a single Mum with no support living with this illness. If you did, you wouldn't question me so much. I heard one of my voices tonight, thought there was a spider in the pasta bowl, could feel people there even though there wasn't anyone, and thought my spaghetti was maggots. My friends car had a mouth and was growling, too. All of this when I was at my friends, chatting to her and not letting on, but letting that happen then bringing myself back to reality.

I shouldn't need to proove myself. But here we are:

"People with psychotic depression may get angry for no apparent reason. Or they may spend a lot of time by themselves or in bed, sleeping during the day and staying awake at night. A person with psychotic depression may neglect their appearance by not washing or changing clothes. Or that person may be hard to talk to. Perhaps they barely talk or say things that don’t make sense.

People with other mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia, also experience psychosis. But those with psychotic depression are usually aware that the thoughts they have aren't true. They may be humiliated or ashamed of the thoughts and try to hide them. Doing so makes this type of depression very difficult to diagnose." www.webmd.boots.com/depression/guide/psychotic-depression

katkins please don't be angry, you should keep on posting for support. Nobody is saying you are lying (although like you I worry about that alllllllllll the time). You are clearly experiencing things that are upsetting for you and that is enough to post on here. It certainly sounds psychotic in nature to me, and as like Keema said it presents in different ways in different people. My diagnosis is BPD and my experience of BPD is different to other peoples.

I have my laptop :) So can properly internet now to distract myself.

I went through phases of saying "I'm not making it up" over and over when I had an acute episode. I think my insight comes from managing it, that's not a bad thing, but I do want to to keep it together for dd as there's no back up plan for her. I'm trying my best, but nothing seems good enough; I'm not well enough to do anything, but too unwell to actually be 'unwell'. And of course I want to figure it out- I want to know what's going on inside my head so I can fix it!

:) Laptop always good. How you feeling?

Nana wasn't calling you a liar. I'm not calling you a liar. No one that I've seen on this thread had ever been anything less than supportive and understanding of how hard it must be for you. I was trying to explain (not well, obviously) that it's not what many people will have come across, but everyone is different.

I'm not going to talk about it with you any more as I'm obviously doing more harm than good. But just so you know, I spent 3 months in hospital with psychotic depression this year, as part of my bipolar disorder, so I have first hand experience of what an utter bag of crap it is.

Glad you have your laptop, Fluffy

I seem to be back in a tired phase, got up at 4pm and going back to bed now

Fluffy :). Glad you have your laptop. It's always good to be back in the 21st century again.

This is triggering so please please do tell me to have it deleted.

I am having serious thoughts about ligaturing while on constants, I know it won't kill me (not enough time) but these messages from God are becoming over powering now. I am finding it very hard to function. Trying trying to distract.

Right, I around to talk. Much sympathy and not triggering as I used other methods.

A joke?

Helium walks into a bar. The bar man says "we don't serve nobles here". Helium doesn't react.

I was in hospital with a woman who received messages from god through the radio. Lovely lady, we're still in contact now. We used to sit outside, ( smoking, shamefully) trying to find other meanings to what it could mean. It helped sometime.

Marvellous

I just feel so, so driven, but I feel so sad about everything ending, but I know it is my destiny and God will start to get angry with me if I don't do it. I need to be out of hospital so I can fulfill my destiny. I don't need to be here, nothing is worng with me mentall.y

I love smoking. So so much.

There is a mix of people on the ward, some are manic and it is v.obvious quite a few drifters just sort of floating around and well, drifting. A few personality disorders as well.

A fellow smoker . I know I shouldn't and I've promised the kids I'll quit, but I am WEAK!

Acute wards are bizarre places. A real mix of people all thrown together, often with opposing illnesses. When really depressed, I wanted to throttle the manics (but was too depressed to work out why).

When manic, I harangued the managers about how shit they were and how I could do it better . Hey ho, I may have been right.

While it's shit being in hospital, I'm glad you're there at the moment as god is being an utter git.

I think this might be (my anger, paranioa, fixtation with psychosis) yet another sign I'm getting unwell. This is how I got last time. I was absolutey anger filled at a girl from University who had said something nasty to me, and sent a load of facebook messages to her telling her what I thought. This belief everyone's out to get me- my heart has just skipped a beat- I've just realised it might actually be a delusion. The more ill I get, the more I try to figure out my illness.

My voice has started trying to talk and I was typing was calling my name. I've got lots of the warning signs: loosing bank card (did that twice when last unwell), visions of suicide/ killing myself (again , happened in a hotel last time), left the hair irons on and went to school, flooded the kitchen, burnt pasta, burnt toaster (my friend said I didn't seem there, was choatic then calmed down but it scared her because it was as though I didn't react to the flames. As though I was in a bubble she said) Again, two weeks before I got unwell last time I accidentaly set the dining table on fire, I thought there were insects in the fridge yesterday, checking out ways to kill myself, fear that the house will be set on fire (my voice does it sometimes, see, threatens to set it on fire), 'seeing' my voice in my flat when I'm not there (again, when I'm not well that happens) and firmly believing it is- I see him walking from to room to room. On the way back, the traffic barriers had eyes for a minute. This has all picked up since Monday.

Ah, bollocks. I think I might actually be right. I was last time. Two weeks before my episode, I told my friend it was "borderline psychosis" when I felt it, and then two weeks after that, things went downhill. I always know when it's going to happen- I recongise the early signs and ignore them. I'm so scared. I haven't told anyone about this emerging pattern, just hoping it will go away and I'm wrong.

I'm so sorry nana and keema. Ironically, I did, when I read the post REALLY believe you were out to get me, questioning me and comparing me. Now, others have pointed it out, I'm not so sure. I'm really really confused. I dont know what's real, to be honest. I know the voice isn't (sort of), he was trying to engage me in conversation today, and I ignored him. he's been around a fair bit today. I'm so sorry.

(fluffy) They are keeping you in because of this, hold on to your insight and posting here. Don't give in to it- fight it.

I also like smoking.

Another joke for you, fluffy - you need to say the punch line out loud for it to make sense

Why is 6 afraid of 7.
Because 7 8 9.

That's my kids favourite of the moment.

Fluffy i am a bit out of my depth with the psychosis thing so am a bit scared of saying the wrong thing. The last thing i want is to make you feel worse but i can say this as may be perspective for you to take control?. God wouldn't want you to or indeed condone you hurting yourself. As a catholic suicide is considered a cardinal sin. This voice or presence is not God. It is malevolent and dangerous. Tell him to leave you the fuck alone and that you are stronger. The fact remains that psychosis or not it isnt God and as such has no power over you.

Sorry if that is totally barmy and unhelpful but something to think about? A distraction to discuss? Im here for a bit although fighting sleep.

Im liking the jokes keema.

I have one.

Two scientists went to a bar.

One says "can i have a glass of h2o" the other says "you are not at work now"

The first scientist sighs as his murder plot is foiled. .......

Yep. Thats bad!

Another one that you have to say out loud.

Knock knock
(Who's there)
Europe
(Europe who?)
Well that's not very nice is it!

Insomnia strikes!

Collared. Re work, I've had the same quandary as you have and have previously been semi-honest. I don't know what I'd do now having had over 12 months off sick in the last 3 years as I expect it means I'm unemployable.

AFAIK an employer can't say exactly how much time you've had off sick, but can state whether you've had time off or not. You may be better asking in Employment. There's a very good HR poster there who gives great advice.

Wide awake! Ugh