Nana you don't know what I do or don't experience or what I'm being treated for, because I didn't put it on here. They are stuck between psychotic depression or schritoprehia, and they don't know which yet. They are treating my depression first with the aim that the psychotic symptoms I experience every day will diminish, if not, then they will diagnose me with the other; most likely. They haven't diagnosed me yet because they think I'm too unwell, and I can't go out anymore because I'm scared of the hallucinations and delusions; plus I'm scared of even minor things- like taking dd to dance class- bringing on more pain and I don't like it outside. Every time I go out I experience psychosis. I happen to know what it is because of my studies (I wrote about it for my thesis, not knowing I was ill), and naming it helps me to keep it in check. I have things like electric shocks in my head, and even walking dd to school, the cars have faces. Some mornings, I hallucinate dead people in the bath even though the door is closed, think her toys are real, see dead people (from the spirit world, I think at the time) and feel so spaced out I can't recall how I got home. At the time, I truly believe it, but I shake it off and get on with my day, then tell my CpN after. Then we talk about how to manage it. They won't give me anti-p's as they say 70% is self managment, 30% meds and they think I'm doing well.
I'm sorry I sound cross, but I've been told everything from I drink too much coffee, work too hard and don't sleep enough. Of course I do- I've got a child to look after single handley! By the way, I was raped when I was 5, abused for 2 years until I was 7, my Mum left me when I was 7, my Dad was a violent drunk, I was so neglected I almost starved to death and never had any clean clothes, bedsheets or shoes. I had to wash in cold water, was covered in cat fleas and nits. I stank and was bullied at school. I stayed up every night watching my Dad beat up my Stepmother and our cats. I've self-harmed nearly all of teen years, my dd is the result of an abusive relationship with a man who is 60 years old and I've attempted suicide nearly 15 times over the past ten years.
My Mum has schritoprehia, I've not seen her since I was 6. It was my Step Father who abused me. All of my siblings are in care.
And my biggest problem is that I tell myself I'm making my illness up. I am really very upset by your post that belittles my feelings when I try so hard.
I might leave the thread for a bit. Thoughts to all x