summer heat - in the village we'll meet....oh, those summer nights! support for MH issues, depression, anxiety, what ever the issue come visit the village [titled edited by MNHQ]

[SomethingVicardThisWayComes]

well a well a well a oh tell me more tell me more.....

new thread guys....feels funny doing the threads again! but nice....

so. for any newbies....the purpose of the "village" threads is to support anyone with MH issues....depression, anxiety, anything at all, for what ever reason.

there is an open door policy in the village! so pull up a pew and get stuck in....

(Lem) I'm really struggling myself, too.finding everything really really hard. Was invited to a festival tommorow, but just can't go, seeing all those healthy, happy and thin mummies with their kids and me, a big fat mess than can barely get dressed and organise herself.

On the plus side, I've picked up three new students today, so hopefully that will.motivate me, and at least if I'm working a few hours week, give me a reason to keep going. Little kitten is adorable.

I'm really really struggling, have urges to sh- want to pull my hair, slap myself in the face, anything to punish myself for being so needy and absolutely pathetic. Couldn't even go to the shop for milk today, how pathetic and stupid is that?

Hi everyone :) it's been a few weeks since I last posted.

Although I have lurked a little, I did want to pop up and say hi. But there was a point when the thread was quite heavy going with Natasha, she has never posted since, but I hope she is ok? There just seemed no convenient point to post with all that was going on. I felt awkward as I was feeling fairly good, the time just never felt quite right.

I think seeing NanaNina and CIQ post again after some time away, made me step back out of the shadows.

I am ticking along okay. I left my job a couple of weeks back, slowly looking for a new job now. I am slowly reducing my fluoxetine, and trying to stay positive. Distraction is key.

In a way I am dreading applying for another job if I have to fill in a medical form :( Don't know whether I should be up front about the MH issues I have had this year? Or keep quiet...

Hugs to you all, it's nice to settle back down home in the village :) x

Katkins you are not pathetic at all. Its not you. Its your illness. Someone said that up thread and its so true. This bastard illness skews how we think.

The student thing sounds positive. Do you tutor?

I am sure people will just see a mummy enjoying the festival with her dd. Do go if you possibly can. Be good for you both.

I do the sh thing when im frustrated. No cutting. It doesn't help me.

Im here for a wee bit longer although off to bed soon x

Hi Collar. Nice to see you back. I think of Natasha quite a lot, I do hope she is OK.

I'm not doing good tonight, just slapped myself so hard in the face I have given myself a headache- just couldn't stop.

Hi collared. Hope you are doing ok.

Sadly natasha deregistered. I really hope she has been able to get some help in rl. Its a shame she left as she was a positive presence on the thread and reached out to us. I do worry though :(

Can you try and get some sleep katkins? Tomorrow is a new day.

I will go to bed in a bit Lem. i tried to stop myself, but just couldn't. When does all of this stop? Am I making it all up, just pretending, I should get up, stop being fat and lazy and attention seeking and go and do something useful. I'm just so bloody useless and stupid. I think I only did it for attention so I could 'proove' I was ill and not have to work, I think it's because everything scares me, and I can't deal with working, that's why. That's my only problem, isn't it? Not depression, I'm just lying, I'm fine, I'm just too lazy to get up and go out and get a job. That's all it is. I'm just happy to be a fiflthy, fat and lazy single Mum. Why should I be anything else?

reminds self to scroll up about 'depression talking'

Katkins you have been through so much. Heavens my issues feel like a walk in the park compared to psychosis. You are fighting back and that is some achievement.

Edwina used to post lists of things she's achieved in her day and for a while a few of us joined in. Getting out of bed us an achievement in itself! Some days we didn't get much past that. We also had levels. So level 1 was -out of bed. Not washed or dressed. 2. Washed and dressed in indoor clothes etc....sonethingvicard can probably explain better. It just helped us all to acknowledge the small achievements and say its ok when we didn't.

I guess today im level 2 (ish). My hair is greasy and tied back. It needs cutting. Clothes first thing i grabbed. I don't wear pj's. No wash yet. Supposed to be going on bike ride but my anxiety is v high. Scared the thug might come back. That i will losemy house and dd taken into care :(

Another level 2 here.

LEM, it sounds to me like someone at your mortgage provider hasn't updated their system properly when you've made the arrangement to pay extra each month and your account has gone from collections into recoveries. It sounds like their mistake and they should be grovelling to you. Am on your behalf

Pretty much yes victrix. They told us we got the visit due to us not having a formal arrangement to clear the debt. But we we told not to bother and to just keep paying the extra. Every time we call them we are told something different . Bastards.

Lem - that sounds rubbish. Could you get everything formally set outin writing so you don't have them coming round all of the time? I've been up since 7.30am, been doing housework all of that time and I feel as though I've barely touched it. It's still an absolute tip, and I'm just fed up of the absolute relentness that comes with being a lone parent: there's no-one else at all to help, so I'm trying so, so hard and yet I always fail at everything. I've got no money (not even for essentials, I don't think), and it's all one great big merry go round of washing, vacuming, wiping the sides and fucking ironing. I'm fed up, and everyone keeps saying "fight it" and "you are doing well", but I'd like to see them do all of this single handed and still have the energy to keep going. There's nothing wrong with me, I have some energy now so why can't I just get up, get dressed and go out? It's not bloody hard!

I've started to think I might set a date to end my life, make arrangments for dd and everything. I'm thinking I might give her up for adoption. It's just all so pointless. She'd be better off with people that can easily do things, take her out places and aren't overwhelmed by stupid everyday things like laundry.

Hi LEM how are you today? I hope you are feeling a bit brighter. Please don't feel your problems are somehow less important, how you feel matters!

I am sorry you SIed katkins I hope today is kinder to you. Has your CPN ever mentioned compassionate mind therapy? I do a bit of it with my CPN and it is basically about being emotionally kinder to yourself, I find it helpful because like you I am so hard on myself. You are not making it up and you are not lazy, you have MH problems that make everything harder.

collardove I have always declared my MH problems and it has been fine, I have to see occy health but it has been fine, it can cause more problems if you don't disclose it. Best of luck for your job hunt.

I suppose I am a level 4 or 5 today. I am washed and dressed and make-uped etc, we went to a farmers market and then we looked at some cars and I got a frapucchino so we have had quite a decent morning. No messages. I feel very very anxious though so not sure what that is about, feel like SIing (cutting) but telling myself that it all leads to shit when I do. Had some wobbles last night about messages etc but like I say nothing this morning.

Sorry so long!!

The frapucinno sounds lovely fluffy. I am going to go to my doctor. I cant be sure thus isn't hormonal. We are off on our bike ride. Id be level 3 but i dont wear make up. Hoping everyone finds some peace today.

Katkins i missed your last post. Please be kind to yourself. Its soo hard and you may not see it but from your posts you really are doing so well. Stop with the housework -really. Stop. Enough for today. Do you have anywhere TO go? If not then don't worry about it. Can you curl up with dd and watch dvds? How old is she? Sorry its curt am on phone in car having been dragged out. I find weekends difficult xx you have really helped me this weekend. You and fluffy xxx

Thanks lem. My friend phoned up, we ars going out for a bit. She doesn't know what's been going on, though. I was so annoyed/overwhelmed earlier that I was mopping the floor, then hit myself on the head with the stick for the mop. That's not normal at all, I know it isn't.

I'm a level 2, probably having takeaway later (I should lose weight, but takeaway is one of the few ways I can think of to be kind to myself). I am really struggling at present.

I don't think psychosis is necessarily harder to deal with, or easier to deal with, than e.g. depression, it's a very individual thing. So keep talking LEM.

Are you seeing a CPN regularly, katkins - the SH might be worth mentioning to them.

I don't wear makeup either, I see level 3 as teeth brushed etc. as well as clothes.

I am seeing a CpN yes, Snowy. I see her every week, am seeing a consultant next week. I went out in the end, it was quite nice to get out for a bit. I find it odd because I'm measuring how I feel in hours, rather than days.

Lem, I agree with Snowy, I think things like this really aren't comparable; everyone feels different.

I might mention the hitting myself etc, but it doesn't really feel like sh, if that makes sense.

Still feeling very anxious :( Not sure why.

I struggle with how I come across sometimes, because I always have my hair and make-up done and get out and about, the only time I stopped it was when I was sectioned last year. Like people expect if you have MH problems that you will be unkempt and I am the opposite! It is a bit of a stereotype though isn't it? Sorry I am rambling.

A take away sounds lovely snowy what are you going to have?

What do you want from the appointment katkins? I would def research meds so if he does suggest them you are prepared. I can PM you a helpful website if you want? (i don't want to patronise you though) Hitting yourself is def SI and should be mentioned.

Hi everyone, I hope you don't mind me joining. My issues are very minor compared to everyone's on here but I feel very low today. I'm having an awful break-up with my partner at the moment that is very long and drawn out and completely soul destroying. I've never been so close to anyone and he's one of the few friends I've got and I'm going to lose that. I can't go into details as to why I've left him in case I'm identified but I don't think I will ever get over what's happened. He's been through some horrific stuff in his life and I keep thinking maybe if I'd been a better friend to him and kept in contact more (before we got together) this would never have happened. There's nothing I can do to help him and it makes me feel so powerless.

My life has been very easy really but when I hear awful things that have happened to other people I wonder how they can carry on, life just seems so tragic and sad that I don't know what the point of it is.

Another thing is that a couple of people have said they think I'm autistic/got Asperger's. I've often wondered it myself but thought maybe I'm just being silly, everyone fits those traits to some extent but now I'm not so sure. I've had lots of people tell me I'm weird before and make fun of me and my ex was one of the only people who completely accepts me and loves me the way I am, how will I ever find anyone like that again? I've always felt ashamed of who I am and he made me feel that being me was a good thing. And not only that, I'm going to miss him like hell. I'm supposed to be doing work but every time I try I start crying. I've got to present it in a couple of weeks and I've got no idea how I'm going to when I've done virtually nothing.

Sorry for the self-pitying twaddle, I just had to get that out of my system.

I wear make up every day without fail. Even when I was really not here, still did. They used that as a benchmark for how unwell I was, in their eyes :/ You are right, it's a stereotype.

I'm after a review, fluffy, I'm not asking for meds or anything like that: I'm just going to go in, say as it as it is and trust them. I think because I've started self-harming and stuff, and still see and hear things, I need the Doctor to monitor me a bit more, and make some suggestions.

Good luck for seeing the consultant, katkins

I had capital chicken wings, prawn noodles and garlic broccoli, it was very nice.

Welcome Pandora37 Have you tried counselling or meds? What do you need to present?

Arghhhhh the voices keep telling me DH is away with another women when I know he is not. He's been away for a couple of days now with work for training I'm really struggling to function. Been on level 2 all weekend. Sorry been lurking in the background and not been any good support to anyone.

I really think I should step away from the thread till I'm in a better head space to help. I feel so bloody useless for u all at the moment

Will be thinking of everyone. Please stay safe

Thanks SnowyMouse. I'm on sertraline at the moment, I do think it's helping me in that I'm not crying so much and don't feel as anxious as I did but with the situation with my ex I'm bound to feel somewhat low. I'm on the waiting list for counselling, have been on it a few months now. I am speaking to someone at my university but that's more to do with work than personal stuff. I failed my last work placement so we've been talking about what I can do to help when I re-take it.

Hope everyone else is okay.

Do stay and post if it helps, ((( pulledapart ))) We all have times when we need support.

pandora, I'm sorry to hear that re: your work placement. I had placements as part of my degree, but luckily I only became unwell towards the very end of my masters (failed the dissertation twice). I hope the uni are being supportive about the placement.