summer heat - in the village we'll meet....oh, those summer nights! support for MH issues, depression, anxiety, what ever the issue come visit the village [titled edited by MNHQ]

[SomethingVicardThisWayComes]

well a well a well a oh tell me more tell me more.....

new thread guys....feels funny doing the threads again! but nice....

so. for any newbies....the purpose of the "village" threads is to support anyone with MH issues....depression, anxiety, anything at all, for what ever reason.

there is an open door policy in the village! so pull up a pew and get stuck in....

Gorgeous kitty! Mine is being a turd and has scratched ds under his eye and the back of his neck, scratched me all over too, he's still a kitten and thinks he's playing but he's hurting us all. I tried everything I could think of over the last couple of weeks but nothing helped, I didn't want to go down this route but he's been introduced to the water spray today, seems to be helping.
I look like I've been sh, I've got lines of deep scratches all up my arms and hands and randomly three deep scratches lined up neatly on my thigh, it does look like Dh and I've had to start wearing long sleeves to cover them so people don't see. I had a mad minutiae this afternoon and thought I could properly go to town and sh all up my arms and blame the cat but it was fleeting and I've no idea why it popped into my head because I've been doing quite well the last couple of days, only one quite mild (are they ever truly mild?) panic attack but it didn't last long an I just told myself I was being stupid and made myself breath slower through it. I don't like the school run, waiting for ds to come out of nursery stood with te other mums and dads, it makes me anxious and fearful that they'll speak to me and then anxious that people think I'm behaving oddly and that they won't talk to me.
Basically I stand off to one side as far away from people as possible and hide behind my phone. I want to talk to some of them, some of them seem nice but I don't know how, I never learnt how to interact with people, after my upbringing I only know two ways to try to get people to like me I either bake for them or try to sleep with them. I think that'll be the first thing I try to fix when I start counselling, it got me a happy (overweight) husband but I don't know how to deal with other people, I tend to go on and overshare I don't seem to know what the other person is thinking whether they're bored or interested or think I'm a weirdo and want to escape.

I thought I heard them all laughing and whispering about me at pick up time but when I looked up they were all just chatting and ignoring me. It was weird.

I might step away from this thread for a while, I feel a bit of a fraud, apart from crippling social anxiety I seem to be a bit more stable and relaxed, i think it has to do with ds starting school, I get a little time to myself each day to be truly alone and drop all pretences, I basically close all the curtains so I'm alone and potter round the house cleaning or doing washing he's only there for three hours but it's the first time I've been truly alone in three years, sil has had him for a day occasionally but it's rare.

Hi there, esp lem, snowy, pyrrh and other "old hands".

Sorry to read that so many people are having a really tough time at the moment - my sympathies.

Hope its ok me posting here again. I am still doing ok. But DH and I have started with Relate just recently, and he has been suffering from depression all this week and has been v anxious prev month (mainly due to be being v detached from him as am struggling a lot in relationship, hence Relate...) He had severe depression for over a year (2012). I am recovered from severe depression (2013), some anxiety issues remain, so am having to work very hard not too freak out.

spidey it does help having time to yourself doesn't it. My dcs went back to school today.

Two years ago exactly my ds started school and my dh was at home severely depressed. I think this week is taking me back there thinking about it. Doesn't mean it will be like that this time. Thinking out loud on this thread helps - have missed it.

Take care everyone.

I've got 2, well I have now! Kitty is the big cat, Jessy is the little one. Dd named her. You aren't a fraud, and it does take time to get to know other mums. To be honest, my dd has been at school 3 years and we don't do playdates/nights out/other stuff. I'm always really cautious about getting involved, it's drop off and pick up and hello for me. I see school as a place for dd to learn, I focus on that, not my own friendships if that makes sense?

Could you join a class when dd is at nursery? I went to college in my free hours, and did a certificate in counselling skills. I qualified in a year, it was brilliant. I'm not a counsellor now,by the way, my degree is in the arts, but it's led to other opportunities, skills and insight.

Gorgeous cat katkins she looks a bit like mine, black and white cats are the best. Glad it went ok for you.

Went swimming tonight with DH, it is a big motivator for me not to SI because obviously swimming doesn't really go with self harming!

Aw kitten

Am physically ill again. Bored of this now!

hi guys.
i had a counselling session today. i adore my counsellor. when i left she said that it was only professional boundaries that prevented her from walking over to me and giving me a hug....she said it takes a lot to get behind her emotional wall and i have a gift for drawing that out of people.....professional boundaries prevented me from hugging her too. i wanted to just bloody squeeze her. She held my hand and had tears in her eyes when i left - but she had made me feel SO much better about myself in that session.
it was just a top up. she squeezed me in. She always remembers me and she always goes out of her way to help me. She truly is a life saver.
and she gave me some fabulous practical advice. I really value having her to go to and she is a godsend. i feel i should email her to say that really....i think she would appreciate it.
i needed some affirmation that how i am is normal, and how my colleagues are is not. She would never bullshit me. she is a consummate professional so i can trust her absolutely and thats why i need to see her at times when im doubting myself.....she tells me straight.
and she told me straight.
and i now have a plan of action, and am feeling so much better.

i had my tattoos. its like labour....you forget how it feels until you do it again! took hours.....but rather nice and im pleased with the result. its an interpretation of a peacock feather but its lovely....if large. covers the side of my calf but i like it. also had a tiny one on my wrist.....im currently sat wrapped in clingfilm! (dont ask!)

anyway.....not a bad day.
ed - how you doing?

I'm here.
I tried to talk to DP last night. He wouldn't answer the phone.
I've asked him to tell me if we still have a relationship by the end of the day. I've had nothing so far so just waiting for the end of the day for closure.

I know you're all right though - not good for me blah blah blah. But it was nice to be made to feel good for a few months and at this instance in time the loss of that just hurts.

Ohhhh can we have a picture of your tattoo, something? Glad you went to counselling and seem a little better.

Little cat is demolishing the flat as we speak...big cat showing a healthy disinterest. Need to tidy up, it's getting the better of me.

I'm having a horrible day already. It's weird though- I don't feel anything really. I was in usual pain when walking to school, just ignored it because I'm so used to it. I don't know if it makes any sense...had thoughts of self-harm and dazed this morning, negative thoughts about myself, but mainly listless and lethargic. Am I just being lazy? Is it depression? I don't know anymore. I'm a being fed up of being 'ill' and would rather be at work or doing something useful now.

I don't feel like myself anymore. Feel like a pathetic, freeloading waste of existience. This morning, I thought I was evil...like the devil. I started to think I was the devil. I just want to crawl back back into bed- but I'm not even really ill. I should stop wasting everyone's time and get a job.

Am I depressed, am I unwell? I don't know anymore

Hey there CIQ - good to see you. I always find this tine of year difficult too. The relate thing must be hard.

Ed- to be honest i really think this us for the best. You do not need the heart ache this guy will inevitably bring you. Yes it was fine and made you feel good about yourself but you know that you don't need a man for that. Plenty more (decent) fish in the sea. What is it that is stopping you from finishing your essay? Maybe you can use this time to focus on just that. Get it done. If only for personal satisfaction.

Something - am glad you got things straight. Stick to your plan! We need pics of the tattooo!

Katkins...just look at that kitten how cute is he?? Well done on standing your ground. You must be shattered.

Im feeling despondent :( but am ok i suppose

Katkins if you were the dvvil you would be having a whale of a time and not care one jot! I wonder if actually climbing into bed and having a rest would be good for you today.

Think it's time I returned to the thread! How about a new one Vicar now that autumn is here. I've been lurking, but my memory is crap these days but it's been good to see so many "old hands" - snowy fluffy Lem silvery pyrrh vicar Ed and CIQ (had to post when I saw you were back!)

Hope I can remember some of the newer villagers to say "hello" victrix pulledapart katkins spidey and oh that's all I can remember. Sorry to anyone I've missed. I haven't noticed collardove lately and I think she was posting quite a lot when I was last on the thread.

After a fairly horrendous year depression wise, August was a relatively good month and have fingers crossed for September. I've been changing meds and it has all taken so long, and still not through it, but reducing one AD very slowly. Don't know what I'd have done without my lovely CPN. She has been soooo supportive and I've lost count of the times I've cried down the phone to her, but she never minds and always offers to come out before my next appointment, but I don't take her up on it as I feel badly as I know there are people worse off than me.

Ed -I'm sorry that you are feeling so bereft and I do hope you will listen to what Vicar says as she is "right on the money" but I know that doesn't help when you are feeling so sad. I just hope this doesn't get you into a downward spiral again. Did you not finish the PGCE?

Vicar (you'll always be Vicar to me!) really enjoyed reading your post and glad that your counsellor has restored your faith in yourself. You know that I think you should take your skills and natural empathy for the most disadvantaged members of our society far away from the police force, but I know it's not that easy to get jobs these days.

CIQ - so sorry that the marital situation is still tense. Do you think DH is heading for another severe episode of depression - sounds like it could be possible. I get the impression that it is you who is most dissatisfied/unfulfilled in the marriage than him - is that right? Counselling is hard work isn't it - do you think you'll stay together or is it too early to say. Nice to "see" you again.

I know others have been having a tough time so sending warm wishes to all.

Hello Nana, good to see you back :)

Am spiralling :( i have no function without my did. Am trying so so hard but overwhelmed by everything.

I felt really positive about starting a dog walking business. Posted in the dog house but everyone said i shouldn't bother as i can't drive so cant take them on proper walks etc. I just feel hopeless and knew this would happen i am useless and a drain on the people who care about me. I don't deserve anything. Useless useless ugly fat pig pig pig

(Lem) that's not true. you DO deserve things. My friend has a good phrase for times like these that really helps. She says : "It's your depression talking, not you." You aren't a useless drain, you just need a little care and compassion - and look at how you gave that your friend when she needed you.

I'm really struggling today. In so much pain. Just need sleep and I don't know, some-one to look after DD for a couple of hours. Everything hurts so much.

Oh katkins i am sorry you are hurting so much. It got worse. Something happened and ive had a meltdown now my face wont stop twitching. Ffs.

Of course, it's great to hear from you, CIQ Anniversaries can be very hard

It's good that you can find things to motivate you against SI, fluffy

Your counsellor sounds like a keeper, vicar

(((( Ed)))) I hope you get closure soon.

I hope you feel better soon, LEM and katkins

Welcome back, NN

I've posted the forms, now I need to forget about it from 11 weeks to a year(!)

What's happened? Are you Ok?

((( LEM )))) Sorry i missed your post, you are worthwhile!

Lem - lots of positive thoughts for you, you are not useless. I can relate to applying for jobs being stressful, I had not worked in 2.5 years before I got my new job and I have had to give up a career I loved because it was too much for me :(

vicar I also want to see your tattoo!

sorry you are still having a rough time katkins

Nice to see you too nana I hope September is a really good month for you, my CPN is brill as well and it makes such a difference doesn't it?

Had an ok day today, was busy busy at work but that kept me occupied! Had some signs last night but none today. Feel like everyone thinks I am faking it for attention. Ugh.

What was the point in filling in those forms, I bet they'll chuck me onto JSA.

thanks lem, snowy

snowy I really hope not.

lem what's happened. Like katkins said, its your brain not working properly cos of the dep/anx, not You talking. You are a smashing person - it comes across in your posts.

katkins you are doing amazingly well keeping going with your dd, I can only imagine how tough that is. Hope the weekend goes ok.

nana really glad to hear August was better - really hope you've turned the corner now. I think dh and I will stay together - I really, really don't want to break up this family. We just have to find a way of being together where I am able to be myself (and he is) and am less irritated by him. I am praying he is not heading for a major episode - not sure I could cope with that again, plus this time there'd be no sick pay so we'd be f*ed! Relate counsellor is good though, knows her stuff, gets what I'm saying. Very tired today - need to start being sensible and getting to bed at 10 I think.

hi fluffy I've followed your other threads with respect. Hope you're ok this evening.

Hi everyone else x

Hello all, just been released from hospital after a psychotic episode. That'll learn me to fiddle with my meds.

Hope you are in the mend mental xx

I am not doing good. My lovely dd is the light id my life. Her and my dogs. Tgey live me witthout questiob.

(Mental). How are you feeling now? Have you had a psychotic break before- you have bi-polar if I recall?

((( big hugs to all )))

Sorry so many of us are struggling