summer heat - in the village we'll meet....oh, those summer nights! support for MH issues, depression, anxiety, what ever the issue come visit the village [titled edited by MNHQ]

[SomethingVicardThisWayComes]

well a well a well a oh tell me more tell me more.....

new thread guys....feels funny doing the threads again! but nice....

so. for any newbies....the purpose of the "village" threads is to support anyone with MH issues....depression, anxiety, anything at all, for what ever reason.

there is an open door policy in the village! so pull up a pew and get stuck in....

keema I have got the diabetic analogy a few times and I really get it, it is not the same at all is it? Thinking on it, I didn't actually take my tablets today :hmm: I just wish I didn't need them and then there are the long term side effects and blah blah. But I know that taking them = stable which also = no hospital admissions.

I am so pleased you have a med review katkins (even with the above) because I do feel that for you a tweak in your meds can be good, especially as you are more motivated than me to take them You seem to be v.productive today.

something and victrix I hope you are ok xx

Fluffy, I'm always that productive. I think that's part of my problem: I do too much, even when I feel ill. I am aching from head to toe and shivering, but I get it done. Sometimes I wish that I could just rest, but I have to just keep going.

I'm so glad they are going to review me. I think I'm just keen to get better. My CpN says I need to get level before I can have counselling or anything. I'd like to do that, but I need to feel more stable. I think it could be more chemical than I'm realising, and so I'd be willing to take medication because I'd do anything to get rid of it.

Do any of you ever cry, and when and how? Random question, but I just can't! Send me some song titles or something :P I'm 27 mind! :D he he.

Been to the dr today and she's confirmed it's panic attacks I've been having, which I already knew but at least now they're official.
I just wish they'd go away they're almost daily at the moment although they only last 10-20 mins not like the first ones which lasted hours.
No change to medication because I've had a couple of good days so apparently they're working.

hi
katkins - emotionally feeling pretty numb. was psyched up for meetings last week about the bullying at work but got cancelled. trying to blot out last week at work, too many triggering events to deal with.

im avoiding news atm. avoiding a lot of stuff.

i do cry....its when things become overwhelming. not often. but it is a release of sorts. i dont cry in front of anyone.

if you feel you need a good cry watch some weepy films.....last time i cried it was at War Horse (!!!). before that it was Atonement. Before that, The Notebook....certain episodes of House killed me. It tends to be either tv or emotional overload that does it for me.

im off for a few days now which is well needed. im fed up that im ill AGAIN. this is the 4th time since the op and it really hasnt worked, no idea what next. It is affecting my quality of life now. ive got a counselling top up this week, and have booked another tattoo. i think thats my way of SH....but it looks pretty!

spidey - hope the panic subsides. i used to get panic attacks, before i went NC with parent. mine used to hit just as i was falling asleep. horrible and frightening.

Oh jeez. War Horse

I almost never cry. Unless it is at a completely inappropriate moment like a kids film I'm watching with the DC or something! Or in an argument with DH, can't stand my ground, just start crying which is so not helpful to getting my point across and he thinks I do it on purpose to make him feel bad.

I'm feeling a bit fragile, had to be talked out of not ending it at the weekend. Still not convinced its the right decision...

I am though, trying to apply for a job. But I have lost the ability to write coherently. They want someone who is reliable, conscientious and likes to work in a structured way. That is what they say in the advert, how do I write something similar in the application letter. Any ideas? I have come up with responsible, pay attention to detail but am stuck on how to convey the structured bit. I think I could only do a job if I was told exactly what to do and it would always be the same procedure. But I can't figure out how to write that without saying "reject me". Can any one help?

I know I'm being an utterly crap member of the village. I'm sorry, I do feel very guilty about it.

Just had yet another panic attack, Dh is havin lots of car trouble and he'd gone to the garage but I couldn't call him he wasn't answering. I thought he'd crashed and died. I was utterly convinced he was dead.
He walked in the door to find me slumped over the coffee table crying and feeling like I was dying and ds playing with his trains and ignoring me.
Dh supportive as ever just said "sit up I want to talk to you" then got annoyed because I couldn't speak.

I'm sick of the panic now, just the depression was easier to cope with now I'm not as depressed but still miserable and panicking and anxious.

Spidey so sorry, that sounds awful x

I've been having fewer attacks since going on citalopram, are you taking anything?

I'm on 20mg of fluoxetine, I had citalopram years ago when I was depressed before but it made me really hyper, I once spent two hours sitting in the cupboard at mils house laughing at her Hoover! I refused to come out.
Touch wood the fluoxetine is makin me a bit more stable but triggering panic attacks as a side effect.

Spidey now long have you been on the citalopram? It can be a bit shit at first and the panic attacks worse. It will get better. My doctor gave me diazepam to help when i first started taking them.

Something - glad to hear you have a bit of a rest and hope you feel better soon.

Pyrrhagena- you aren't a rubbish member of the village at all! Have you got anyone in RL to talk to about your 'ending it' feelings?

Spidey- Panic attacks are horrible aren't they? You have done so well though, do you feel the medication is making a difference?

I have a mixed morning- dd's first day back at school. I barely slept, woke up with thoughts of sh and not wanting to go out. I was thinking I wanted to hit myself, pull my teeth out with pliers, that no-one wanted to see or talk to me,that I was worthless. managed to get to school on time (for a change), but we live such a long walk away. I had a panic attack this morning: feeling all hot and chest pains and not being able to breathe- is that a panic attack?

I came home did lots of housework, now drinking tea. I found it incredibly hard, was really spaced out on the way back and my voices were talking to me. The male voice was strangling the female one. I keep thinking I want to go back to work or look for a job but I'm not quite sure that's a good idea.

Need to phone the Doctors for a sick note again then have an MRI scan later today. Big thing for me to even get on the bus and go there.

Does anyone claim long term esa, and how on earth do you do it?!

Cross posts. I think much the same for the fluoxetine. Do ask for a weeks worth of diazepam i found it was the only thing to help.

Does anyone else find that depression makes them really, really tired? I can barely keep my eyes open and have so so much to do. I've done lots, but need to get moving to go to the hospital in a bit (MRI scan). Really wish I could do a little bit more, but I'm so exhausted and achey. I wonder if this adrenaline I used getting DD to school this morning on time and keeping it together enough to take her?

I feel as though I want my illness to be over now, just so I could do a little bit more with my time and myself since dd is at school f/t again.

what tattoo are you getting vicar?

Pyrrhagena good luck with your job application, I know when I started applying for jobs again it took me ages to get it all sorted, you can do it!

I am so sorry you are having panic attacks spidey they sound awful.

Well I had my DBT 1:1 today (oh in case anyone doesn't know what DBT is it is dialectical behaviour therapy which is specially for people with bpd, I do group therapy once a week and I have a 1:1 once a week). I am seeing her again on Thursday so I have a bit more support. She said she thinks my meds need up-ing, but she was v.positive and said I will get through this. Work was OK this morning and I feel ok today so that's good. Just trying not to listen to the weird stuff. I see my CPN tomorrow.

I am permanently knackered at the moment katkins

I'm hoping at least some of that is gallbladder related for me so it would be nice if that improved once I get my op, whenever that will be.

katkins I am worried for you that you can't seem to switch off. Can you add something "relaxing" to your to-do list - read a book or listen to music? just for half an hour? Be sure to tell your psych about this - it sounds a little manic to me, and AIUI it is possible to be manic and down (dysphoria I think it's called, as opposed to euphoria).

I seem to be tired all the time, although fairly well in terms of mood. But that is prob smoking and lack of exercise.

Just had my anti-psychotic increased because they think I am getting that way :( :( So fed up.

Sorry to hear that fluffy, but on the positive side, if they pick it up early and adjust your meds straight away, that's so much better than it going unnoticed. Not much consolation at all though is it, when you just want to be well.

Thanks keema it is just annoying really, and you know things are shit when your CPN rings you an hour after you were seen by someone and tells you to pick it up tomorrow. No discussion about whether we should do it, just told (nicely!!) that it needs to go up.

Raaaa. Also I am on WW so I am trying not to mainline biscuits but that is all I want to do!

So I was on my way to therapy earlier & sat at the bus stop listening to music. A lady walked past me & was talking really loudly on her phone saying racist abusive things. I could hear her over my music. I becomes paranoid instantly thinking she is talking about me! A few mins later the bus came & I literally ran inside. I've not stopped shaking since then although I'm home now & a bit calmer. I can't tell whether that was my paranoia or if she really was attacking me this is the reason I don't want to leave house ever again. Y do I bother I'm so stupid.

Pulled she sounds horrendous! Well done you for getting on with your day despite her x

Fluffy, I know it doesn't seem it, but they are trying help you. If you get very unwell, it will take a lot of comibg back from. It must be so hard, but do keep working eith them. You have done so well.

Pulled that woman sounds nasty! Do you find listening to music helps when out? I can't put headphones in as I'm deaf, but I do at home. My cpn recommended it.

I had an mri of my brain today. It's still there

Thanks victrix. I've stopped shaking & DD gave me the most amazing hug so I feel ok now. DH went away with work today - typical when he's not around something like this happens hope ur day has been ok!

Thanks katkins. Yes music definitely keeps me calm as it drowns the voices when I'm out. Otherwise I'd be having panic attacks after panic attacks like before. Today has set me back though

She sounds nasty pulled. I think I'd have done the same. Although she was probably too wrapped up in her nastiness to notice a stranger.

I don't katkins not really. I did speak to someone who then sent me a message saying "you must go home, your DC need you" which I read all the way home, over and over again until I did make it home. Yet today he told me that DH and I are bad parents. It's seems like a wasted opportunity because it will be months before I have time without the DC again.

fluffy mainlining biscuits is is tempting! I'm eating far too many crisps and biscuits at the moment. I hope the meds increase helps you.

victrix do you have a date yet?