summer heat - in the village we'll meet....oh, those summer nights! support for MH issues, depression, anxiety, what ever the issue come visit the village [titled edited by MNHQ]

[SomethingVicardThisWayComes]

well a well a well a oh tell me more tell me more.....

new thread guys....feels funny doing the threads again! but nice....

so. for any newbies....the purpose of the "village" threads is to support anyone with MH issues....depression, anxiety, anything at all, for what ever reason.

there is an open door policy in the village! so pull up a pew and get stuck in....

I'm on severe disablement allowance (it was the precursor to incapacity benefit) and income support. I was last assessed in 1995, so it's a novel worry.

Try to take things step by step, breaking things down can help katkins

Are you on Facebook snowy? There are two groups that can help,: they are called fight back and atos miracles, they have really experienced advisors/volunteers who can answer any questions you might have.

pulledapart I hope your day got a little better and you manage to get some sleep tonight and I hope your pain is a little better

katkins I hope your pain is better and your friend contacted you

snowy you can get help to fill in the forms from your local CAB

I have had an ok day. We went to a friend's for a BBQ and had a nice time. Had some strange thoughts but trying not to let them get to me. Don't understand why some things would happen if it wasn't a sign. Trying to keep reality checking and reminding myself that some things might just be a coincidence.

(Fluffy) reality checking is so hard isn't it? I've been shown how to do it.

I had a terrible day yesterday, so much so that I took a zoplicone to sleep. I woke up for dd breakfast, then slept a bit more. Dd made it herself bless her, and played neighbour cat, made loombands and used my kindle. I feel so so so guilty, like an absolutely horrendous mother. She is nearly 7 , so values the independence, and kept popping back in to cuddle/chat/ask for sonethibg. I kept telling her it wasn't that I didn't love her, just that I was tired. She said she knows, bless her. I think today just has to be a rest day before school starts again. I never have those, but I feel so exhausted that it might have become necessary. I'm still in pain, and dd has decided she's wearing her pyjamas all day (!) . I feel absolutely awful. Not only am I I'll and trying to carry on, but a failure too.

katkins you are not a failure. It sounds to me like she had a great day yesterday. So sorry you're still in pain.

I'd be interested to know how you do reality checking? I do do reality checks when I'm "going" but just find confirming instances of my delusion Mind, it comes on quick when it (rarely) comes on, (hope my meds will keep it from happening again), so my insight vanishes pretty rapidly.

Silvery- that was just this morning! I said I was going to rest, but have done loads of housework and sorted the laundry, as well as e-mailing new students (I private tutor) for the start of term. I feel awful- like something is eating away at me. I wish they would review my meds. JUst want to go back to bed.

My reality checking usually involves saying 'not real, not real' over and over until I convince myself it isn't. It's very challenging, I know, because when I have hallucinations I know they aren't real, but in the moment they SO are. I try to hold on to the times I feel OK to get me through.

Well then, sounds like she had a great morning! I am trying to clean the house, and slowly get it ready for selling in the spring, hopefully. ATM I am only making very slow progress...

I'm really not having a good day, so much pain and exhaustion. I need to do dds tea, but I can barely move. I really have had enough of the loneliness and isolation. I've got chest pains from anxiety, and was barely able to get out of the house today. How long does all of this have to last before it finishes? I can't cope with it anymore, bringing dd up on my own, no support with anything at all. It's too much.

Sorry you are having a tough day Katkins. Just remember that you are doing your best and that is all you can do.

silvery for me reality checking involves being rational about things I think are signs, checking with other people that things don't have a special meaning and properly thinking it through rather than just letting my emotions guide me through. It is hard though!

I have had quite a nice day really. Went food shopping and had lunch out then spent the afternoon chilling and watching TV while DH potters around. Not especially looking forward to work tomorrow but I think most people feel like that on a Sunday!

Thanks, fluffy. I just wish we could sort my meds because it's not helping me being on the 'wrong' thing. They keep saying it could be a 'mind' thing: that's true, but as if I'd CHOOSE to be ill and turn down jobs and be living this way. Idon't feel taken seriously at all, and maybe if I had a friend with me , I'd feel taken a lot more seriously. I'm only young- 27- and I think that has a bearing on how I come across to people. But I think I am unwell: I have so much pain, am tearfuk but can't cry, no energy, no motivation, I run situations around my head constantly from the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep, I don't enjoy anything, have urges to sh constantly.....it all feels so unfair. Part of my psychosis helps me to believe that I am being punished, and that my depression is a way of punishing me for all that I have done wrong.

DD is back at school Tuesday, so tommorow will be spent labelling her uniform and so on. Everything's sorted and hanging up, I just label it as I go. My ex is taking me to court over access on Thursday, too. He decided when I got unwell that I'd had a 'breakdown' and he was going to use that for acess. I denied it as he drinks, is violent and once dyed dd's hair a permanent blue.

I just wish that I could have a normal life, not this. I want out.

How long have you been on these meds, katkins? And are you taking them at the right time of day? (With my olanzapine (when I was on it) I was taking it before bed, when I should have been taking it early evening.)

Are you due for a review by psych any time soon? When my CPN found me tearful and fragile, she got me an appt as soon as she could.

Since mid July, silvery. I am taking it at the time recommended yes. At first, I was on 50mg and then 100mg of setraline. It's the pain that's doing it, and I think they are saying my psychosis is caused by depression, but they don't really know. I just feel as though it's not touching the pain, and its not helpful at all. I need stronger meds, that's for sure.

I hate my medication. I can't shake the feeling that it's damaging my brain and that's why I'm ill rather than actual illness. Seriously. I'd like to stop taking the whole lot and just go back onto antidepressants to get through the worst bits and then take nothing.

I'm on a lousy 1 year driving license cos of the quetiapine. I'm fat, zonked and miserable most of the time with only my sense of humour left. After spending 3 months in hospital, you'd think I'd be happily taking everything as prescribed to avoid that again, but I can't get past the thought that the meds are causing brain damage and I need to stop them.

I sympathise hugely with you not having a diagnosis yet Katkins. It must feel like being in limbo, but god antipsychotics are a stinking pile of shit when you're stuck on them.

I feel the same and I'm only on setraline. It'll be the psychosis that gets you the dvla ban, rather than the quietapine, I wanted to start lessons, but have exactly the same problem. I'm not saying that I want them, just that I am in real physical pain and I want it to stop.

Nope, I wasn't psychotic the first time I had my license changed. It was initially revoked as I was so bloody depressed and when I got it back again, it was on a 1yr renewable was I'm on a large dose of quetiapine.

Oh wow, I thought they only revoked if for pyschosis. Are you on quietapine for psychosis now? I was on it for a bit, but also for anxiety.

I use it as an antidepressant as I have bipolar and normal ADs make me manic. I have to admit I miss the odd bit of mania, but god the depressions are shit. I was on 600mg, but am on 350 now.

I can experience psychotic symptoms when very depressed, but they stop when I come out of the depression.

You have done so well to come down from that...I found it a difficult medication to be on because it made me so drowsy.

I can't sleep, have been overthinking and having panic attacks when lying down so have moved to the lounge on my laptop. I tried all of the breathing stuff, but was still getting chest pains.

I feel like I can't carry on for much longer- especially with the pain.

I sh last night :( Nothing major, just scratched all along my forearms with my nails. I had way too many worries spinning around my head, and felt myself spiralling out of control. It helped me to sleep, and calm down a bit. I used to cut myself when I was a teenager, but haven't since dd was a baby.

I won't be taken seriously by mh services, or anyone else for that matter. I feel almost dead. It's too much for one person to deal with alone.

Sorry you SIed katkins take care of yourself xx

Keema I can relate to hating taking meds, I am not known for my compliance (get told off about this a LOT!) but I know that being on them is what keeps me stable so I have to persist. I just hate that I am so broken I need meds. I am lucky in that both risperidone and aripriprazole have not made me too fuzzy. I have also had no problems with my driving license, I think that is because I have a diagnosis of bpd rather than bp and psychosis is not always a given in bpd.

I have to go to work now and I don't want to but I know when I am there it will be ok. I had lots of dark thoughts last night but trying to be more positive this morning.

Oh yes, compliance is my downfall. I always get the talk about "if you were diabetic would you stop taking your insulin?"

It's not like that in my head though. I dislike the thought that the essense of who I am can only work properly with medication and I can't shake the belief (erroneous or not) that the drugs are causing brain damage.

I don't mind the compliance, but this is because I'm in sole charge of dd. How I was in my episode really scared me and wasn't safe, so I'd like to get better. In really really trying, have had a clear out, sorted uniforms, lots of housework, trimmed dds hair, but I'm do so much pain and everything seems like such hard work. I feel as though I'm falling into a pit of hopelessness, and there's no way out. I wish there were, even just for a little while.

From the outside looking in you really are doing amazingly well Katkins but I appreciate it probably doesn't feel that way. Can relate on sh, have been keeping my nails cut short for a reason recently.

I want to get through a whole day with the blinds open. Keep feeling watched and closing them.

hi all
just catching up....not been online for a few days.

im ill again with laryngitis. so fed up as clearly my surgery hasn't worked. anyway....just having a catch up with where everyone is.

Hi Something. Have been thinking of you. How are you feeling emotionally I mean, apart from the throat thing?

I phoned my CpN. She has booked me in with the Doctor on the 9th September, for a meds review. Hopefully I can have a chat re: the pain and not being able to get up and so on. She might be able to help a bit.