(victrix) They usually run behind, I'm sure everyone has done that. I know I have!
(pulled) I know how scary voices and hallucinations are. I think the thing I find most challening is the hallucinations and delusions that come together: like you say, something coming to kill you, even though part of you knows it won't. I'm not sure I can suggest anything useful, I still struggle with mine, but I hope it gets a bit better today for you.
Lem- I write plays and poetry in rl (outs self), and perform quite a lot. I also write a fair bit, anyway, it's a good suggestion. I find the cars funny and some of my hallucinations. What I was trying to get across to my cpn is that I've coped well for almost 2 years with it, and only had one episode, but it's not great for me when I have DD with me: I used crossing the road as an example.
I don't really mind it- last night, the cars had whiskers and tails, and were like cats. I can live with that, but not the ones with faces sent to kill me and dd. I just feel a bit as though I've crossed a line with it, and I'd like medicatinon to take the edge off- but the medical team don't really get it. They say I'm new to them and so they need to asses me properly
I'm feeling guilty- didn't sleep until late, because I thought there were people with guns outside my bedroom, so woke up at 6 and went back to sleep. DD is up and has had brekfast and is now playing in the garden (all dressed and in her new wellies too with tigers on!), but I feel like such a failure not being able to get up early. My cpn said do whatever I need to get through this week and then focus on school next week, because I'm worried about that. DD is going into year 2.
I feel really spaced out today, was meant to be meeting a friend for a coffee this evening, but not sure it's going to happen because it's a long long walk and I'd feel really cautious taking dd out like that when I feel like this- it's about me feeling safe with her and alert enough to take care of her, able to grab her hand if she's in danger and keep calm enough to navigate my way around the world, if that makes sense, I don't mind the rest of the stuff. I did explain all of this to my cpn, so they are aware of what I think and feel about it all. I just wish they'd be quicker to sort something out, because a child is involved, too. I'd wait if it were only me, but I need to think of her well being too.
I find the problem happens when I'm distracted by what I see and hear. I'll have more coffee and a bath, then decide. I've cancelled so many times that I'm suprised I have any friends left!
Sorry that was long: I was thinking out loud. As I said, I write lots in rl. I have a blog about my experiences, and with poetry on, if anyone would like to read it?