summer heat - in the village we'll meet....oh, those summer nights! support for MH issues, depression, anxiety, what ever the issue come visit the village [titled edited by MNHQ]

[SomethingVicardThisWayComes]

well a well a well a oh tell me more tell me more.....

new thread guys....feels funny doing the threads again! but nice....

so. for any newbies....the purpose of the "village" threads is to support anyone with MH issues....depression, anxiety, anything at all, for what ever reason.

there is an open door policy in the village! so pull up a pew and get stuck in....

My mum doesn't know I have depression. No-one in RL does apart from MH services and my GP. I am fine, quite at peace.

How are you feeling now LEM and Katkins?

Doesn't sound fine to me, would you think about visiting your gp or mental health services again?

I feel really rubbish, have been fighting urges to self harm all evening.

Is there a reason why you have planned it before work, Natasha? Something there bothering you?

I hate it and can't go back.

I've told GP and crisis, they aren't bothered.

Could you get signed off sick a little longer?

Don't go back to work then. What do you do? Maybe its time for a change. What would you like to do?

Im doing ok thanks for asking. But worried about you natashsa. Is your name from a Russian novel?

I've never been signed off. I'm a teacher. I like teaching I just have unpleasant colleagues.

It's from War and Peace, LEM.

You can still get signed off. Dud your colleagues do something in particular to you?

They are just generally unpleasant - say one thing to your face and something else behind your back. I am honestly okay, I feel relieved tbh.

How is everyone this morning?

There are lots of people like that in education, Natasha. It's childish and silly what they do. Have you thought about other solutions to how you feel right now? Looking for another job in the long term, time off in the short term?

I was meant to ho to the CAB today only I couldn't in the end. Was in a panic and then I was browsing the web and saw a stupid video "ugly faces on perfect bodies". One of them had teeth like mine, and I was so ashamed of myself that I started imaging looking at me on the bus, fitting at me fir being so fat and ugly and laughing at me for even daring to go outside. Know it sounds silly, but it was too much and I was nearly crying,so I cancelled everything and sorted out my debt stuff on the phone. It was hideous, thinking of pictures of me, now fat j am, how no one wants to be my friend because of how I look. I hate everything about myself. Can't stand it anymore. Sorry that was long.

Katkins I have been very fat, I have been very thin. I'm currently somewhere in the middle but would like to be thinner. You know what, it made no difference to how I felt about myself and it made no difference to how people treated me. It's just another thing you are using to beat yourself up. Have you considered counselling?

Well done for getting the debt sorted out on the phone. Does that feel better?

Don't worry about me, I'm great.

Natasha, have you had a look on the mumsnet site for places where you might find some one to talk to? Thoughts like this are common in depression, but they can be eased a little by a listening ear. Even if it's just five minutes, give some one a call. That's what they are there for. You deserve to be here.

It was OK to be able to sort the debts out, cpn coming next week. The social worker is meant to come out this week, but hadn't given me any warning, and I've got things to do.I've felt do close to tears all day, too much stuff in my head.

Make the call Natasha.

I don't do well on the phone. I'm okay though, like I said actually making a decision and having a date to work to has felt like a weight has been lifted.

natasha please make the call

I'm doing ok spoke to the crisis team and have an appointment with cpn next Friday. Just got to survive till then!

By the way I'm hating the new version of the site on my phone.

That's good Pulledapart, I'm glad your crisis team are helpful.

My GP and the crisis team know what I have decided and they aren't bothered, so that shows me I've made the right decision.

We care what happens to you ((( hugs )))

Would you feel better by talking it through with us. I know u said about ur work already. I really agree with others when they day you need time off sick to give urself a break from it all.

katkins how r u this evening? I've been thinking of you too

Hope everyone else has been doing ok. I know a lot of are struggling

You can't have time off sick in September. There isn't really anything to say other than the fact that I'm 33 and a massive failure.

They are bothered, Natasha, they just have a weird way of showing it sometimes. Have you told them what you are planning and thinking? That might help the to understand you a bit better.

I'm Ok, pulled, thanks. Fighting it all as much as I can manage- I feel 'overtaken' by my thoughts sometimes, and really really long for a normal life, free of all of all this stuff. My mind is a really choatic place to be at the moment. Think I'd enjoy a bit of peace, pherhaps. It's very, very hard to go anywhere and do anything, and I feel constantly chasisted and criticised for not being on top of things all of the time. I really miss my old life where I felt a bit more confident and was able to do things. In some ways, I feel as though my life has very little purpose, as though I have very little purpose beyond looking after DD. I'm very lonely, yet at the same time, don't want to talk to anyone or go out, because it takes me so so long to recover. It's all just so so hard.

Yes I've told them. As I said, they aren't bothered. They know that the world will be better off without me.

natasha u have extenuating circumstances. Surely they can make reasonable adjustments. Like katkins said call them & tell them exactly what you have been planning. Make them listen. U deserve to be helped. Ur not a failure, u became a teacher that is a huge achievement!

katkins I feel lonely even with people around me & yes it's very draining. I don't have any confidence in my ability to do anything. I get criticism from my voices which makes doing anything pointless sometimes as no matter how good a job I do it's still not good enough. I have a very loving & supportive family as well as a wonderful DH but I still feel alone. I do sometime feel like u that my only purpose in life is to look after DD & yet lately all I've wanted is to be a mummy again. Then I think about how the hell will I cope with 2 children. It's all a bit crap really but I push myself to be normal for others sake especially for DD.

Natasha WE care about you. Now you might think we are just words on a screen, strangers on the Internet but i truly feel i have friends on this thread. You manage to reach out to others and help them when they are at their lowest. I had a very brief dabble in teaching and it brought about my second breakdown. Deep down i know that without the anxiety i could become an excellent teacher but it was just too much. I loved teaching and i loved learning but everything else that went with it...it broke me. I wont go into teaching. Despite everyone advising that i do so. I have seen many many heartbreaking threads on here by teachers, good teachers, who can't hack it anymore. I saw a thread only today i think about a teacher dreading the return to school. I don't think you would be alone in that feeling. Add mh issues and the fact you feel unsupported by your colleagues. You are going to feel like shit!

You need to ask yourself -do i still want to teach? If the answer is yes then you need to look for another school. If no then think about what else you might like to do. Masters? Phd? Something different. Clean slate? I don't believe you want to die. I just think you want to be happy and cant see how. Maybe a drastic change will be what you need. After all. You are planning suicide. What have you got to lose? Give yourself another six months. Say until the new year. If you feel no different then well. Its up to you. I don't think anyone has the right to force someone to live if its really too painful but that really is it. No second chance. You don't know if happiness is waiting just out of sight. If you kill yourself you wont ever know.

I remember kindness and you were kind to me. You made a difference to me. Just by telling me you understand. I am very grateful for that.

They know what I'm planning. Crisis sent a letter today saying that I am now fully discharged from them and no longer have access to their phone support.

I'm alright honestly, I'm thinking clearly and rationally for the first time in a long time. I'm happy.

LEM teaching is a job like no other. I've been doing it for 11 years now. I like my subject, I mostly like the kids. I'm not a bad teacher, my lesson obs are outstanding. It is just a relentless job with amazing highs and incredible lows, not necessarily great for someone with MH issues. If I were to live I'd have to keep teaching as I have a mortgage to pay.

But you could change school. Or even jobs completely.

I am disgusted that they have discharged you. I think you need to go back to your gp and make a fuss. Tell them you don't feel safe.

We are all here and we all care but youneed rl support.

Hi Natasha,

We're really sorry to hear what a difficult time you're having.

It was suggested that you might find our webguide helpful? There are lots of people you can reach out to listed on it.

from everyone at HQ.

I'm great. My GP doesn't want to see me for four weeks, so there are still nearly 3 of those to go yet.

How is everyone?