If you're going through hell, keep going

[Pare]

Hi, thought I might try another thread as I've missed having somewhere to offload. Thanks for all the support on the other one, I have saved it and removed certain posts so that I can look at it when I need something to focus on.

I went to the meeting with the manager of the Crisis Team tonight and it was really difficult even though he accepted that they had got things wrong. He said I have to keep attending or they will have me assessed under the Mental Health Act. I don't really trust them though and it is going to be really hard. He suggested meeting with the nurse who I saw on Monday, and with him, to try and talk it through and come to an understanding. I don't know if that will be too much.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow also. I'm relatively new here but have been following this thread since it started. I think you are incredibly brave and whilst not wishing to sound patronising I want you to know I have been thinking of you. Be strong xx

Thank you.

I was really hoping not to be here by this birthday, but it wasn't to be.

So glad that you made it, Pare.

for tomorrow. I don't know how to say it and for it to not hurt you. I'm going to say it on another day. Hope you have some lovely things happen tomorrow, and you enjoy some of life' s simple pleasures.

Happy equinox today.

Had some diazepam to try and calm down a bit.

Hopefully you sleep. I am late to bed as I have been trying to sort out a knitting problem. Off now though. Rest well, God bless.

Well Pare, as you can see my attempts to sleep aren't going well. I am going to try again now. Before I do just wanted to say hello. Remember today how much we all value you, and whenever you need a virtual handhold you know we're there giving it, even if we're offline.

Thinking of you today Pare

Have I caught yo before you go to school? I am going to go 'all out' and wish you a happy birthday. I wish you every happiness, because you deserve it for your courage, your persistence and for your encouragement to all others who are 'going through hell'. Keep going, we will do what we can to support you. So have the for now and and for after school.

Have a lovely day, wishing you every happiness for today and the coming year.

I hope today brings you positive and hopeful feelings, Pare.

I feel very alone.

hello, you're not alone with all of us cheering you on. I do wish you had more real life support though, I know it must be very hard.

Thank you. I am grateful for everyone on here.

I still haven't heard from the Increasing Access to Psychological Therapies team with an appointment.

I don't feel brave enough to contact another therapist.

Yes, the IAPT is ironically named for sure.

You've done so well sharing with us on here. It might not feel like it, but I think you've come a long way and things are going to gradually get better.

I wonder if talking to any of the advice lines listed earlier would help in pointing you in the right direction of where to go next and giving you a bit of confidence. I don't think you need to worry about being nervous to call them, as that must be the same for everyone. I'd also be happy to call and suss out what is available - if you ever want me to, just ask.

How was school today? People used to say that to my mum when she was teaching, and she knew some of them thought she was still a pupil, but was able to answer without setting them straight!

I'm going out to a church meeting in a minute, but will be back (hopefully) at 9.30 and have a chat.

School was okay today, just had to break up the one fight. My Year 10s worked really hard this afternoon. A lot of them are very low ability and would have been on vocational courses prior to Gove but they tried really hard and all made some progress. I was very proud of them.

I have a sort of mental block about making phone calls, I much prefer email.

Happy Birthday from me too Pare, have been thinking of you today.

You could contact some of links listed before by email, just to start things off, if you want to.

Just the one fight? That is a good day I guess. Your year 10 lesson sounds very rewarding, I'm so glad to hear they are doing well.

Hi, I'm back. Church meeting was very frustrating: this is the third meeting that we have not been quorate. The first time, in June, people went and fetched people from home so we were able to make some really important decisions, the July meeting was about ten people short and tonight there were two people missing, really annoying. I know there were people who wanted to be there but were ill or on holiday, but there are others who don't seem to think that they have anything to do with the running of the church.
At least it didn't go on forever and I got a lift home.
I have ordered the wool for my gansey. It is supposed to be coming on Friday.

'Only' one fight? What is the average? And well done to your year 10 pupils, I once shared a class with all Downs' girls and they all worked so hard and were really lovely. Gove has a lot to answer for hasn't he?

The average is much higher. We have had the police onsite three times since we went back and two ambulances. It used to be a much better school but unfortunately senior management have buried their heads in the sand and things have deteriorated.

Now that the vocational qualifications don't really count we have children sitting in classrooms who really cannot access the course. I differentiate but at the end of the day if they cannot read the questions and sources properly then they aren't going to get a useful qualification.

Sorry your meeting was frustrating.

Sad for both children and teachers. Year 10 is the GCSE year isn't it? So much better to have vocational courses to prepare them for the many jobs that don't need high intellectual qualifications.

Yes it's the first of the two GCSE years, we are preparing for Controlled Assessment and they tried so hard today but they will struggle when they are writing it up.

It's good they have someone who genuinely cares about them, Pare. I must go to bed, hope you sleep a bit tonight. As I used to say to my children: if you can't sleep: rest. Did your mother and sister do anything nice for your birthday?

I need sleep. I'm having bad thoughts again.

How many hours of sleep have you had in the past , say, week? Including dozing. It's ben a tough old week though, so maybe now your birthday is out of the way you will get a bit more rest. Even if you don't sleep properly