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Original poster

If you're going through hell, keep going

460 replies

Pare · 16/07/2014 19:14

Hi, thought I might try another thread as I've missed having somewhere to offload. Thanks for all the support on the other one, I have saved it and removed certain posts so that I can look at it when I need something to focus on.

I went to the meeting with the manager of the Crisis Team tonight and it was really difficult even though he accepted that they had got things wrong. He said I have to keep attending or they will have me assessed under the Mental Health Act. I don't really trust them though and it is going to be really hard. He suggested meeting with the nurse who I saw on Monday, and with him, to try and talk it through and come to an understanding. I don't know if that will be too much.

OP posts:
Dutchoma · 21/09/2014 21:07

Well done on getting some work done.

I'm so glad you had a good time at your sister's yesterday, how old are her children?

I will be praying again for a bit of rest and sleep for you tonight.

I went to Evensong and an organ recital tonight at our nearby, very high Anglican church. It was their patronal festival and the music was lovely.

YesitismePare · 21/09/2014 21:10

Her children are 19, 17, 14 and 10.

I've been to put flowers on my dad's grave today as well.

Glad you enjoyed the music.

alittlebitmeh · 21/09/2014 22:06

Sorry to read you lost your dad Pare. How long ago? (please don't answer anything you don't want to)

Have you got any plans for your birthday?

YesitismePare · 21/09/2014 22:18

It will be 9 years in October.

I went today because we shared a birthday.

I don't celebrate my birthday. It was when it happened.

temporaryusername · 21/09/2014 22:35

Oh Pare, I hate that man so much for taking away your desire to celebrate your own birthday.

I am so angry at him. You were not a malign presence any more than anyone else there that night, you were just unlucky. It could have been any of us on this thread. The problem is that horrific criminals exist, not you.

Maybe one day, I understand not yet, you will be able to reclaim a bit of your birthday. I do believe in time you will feel better and think that you are a good person and you deserve to be celebrated no matter what, even if you decide to pick a different day. Or the same day - to show that what he did doesn't change your right to be as happy as you can. What he did caused you great hurt, I can hardly begin to imagine the trauma and I'm so sorry. He can't take away the essence of you though, or change the fact the that is good. It might not feel that way, but you have suffered so long in silence that I'm sure you can feel better with help.

By the way, even if the organisations linked are based in a single area (like the South London one) they offer a national helpline and will be able to give advice and maybe point you to closer assistance.

YesitismePare · 21/09/2014 22:47

It's okay, I don't miss celebrating my birthday. It was a long, long time ago. I'll be twice as old as when it happened on Wednesday.

temporaryusername · 21/09/2014 23:11

I'll be thinking of you on Wednesday.

alittlebitmeh · 21/09/2014 23:13

I'm sorry Pare. I'm sorry if you told us that before and I missed it. He took so much from you, even your birthday Angry I hope little by little you can take it all back again. I will be thinking of you this week and as always here to listen Thanks

YesitismePare · 22/09/2014 17:15

Bad day today, feeling stressed and exhausted.

Dutchoma · 22/09/2014 17:18

What a shame. Did anything happen to make you feel that way or did it just happen?

YesitismePare · 22/09/2014 17:20

The kids were hyper today and required a lot of managing.

Dutchoma · 22/09/2014 17:32

Will you be going out for a walk later? The weather her is absolutely lovely

YesitismePare · 22/09/2014 18:18

I've got too much work to do.

Dutchoma · 22/09/2014 18:36

You'll feel better for a walk. I'm out in a minute to a film about Palestine, I think. Don't particularly want to go, but a friend asked and thought not many people would go, so I'd better.

YesitismePare · 22/09/2014 20:08

Hope the film was good, it doesn't sound like the kind of film you 'enjoy'.

Dutchoma · 22/09/2014 21:50

You're so right Pare. It was pretty gruesome, but there were a few people there I hadn't seen for a while, so that was enjoyable. Not home too late, I was a bit afraid it would go on forever, but I was home for 9.30.

YesitismePare · 22/09/2014 22:21

Film sounds heavy going.

I've been preparing things to help my new GCSE class with their controlled assessment. There are a lot of children with additional needs in the class so I have to plan it really tightly so that they can access the lesson but I don't give them more help than is allowed by the exam board.

Dutchoma · 22/09/2014 22:25

There was quite a lot of history in the film about how the conflict between the Palestinians and the Israelis came about. I knew all this stuff, once upon a time. How I wish that I could remember everything I ever learnt.
Going to bed now.

YesitismePare · 23/09/2014 17:28

The Balfour Declaration, from a time when British foreign policy involved promising anybody anything to shut them up for a bit and get them on side.

Not much has changed.

Dutchoma · 23/09/2014 18:02

It's such a difficult to understand bit of history: who did what and why etc.
Have you had a better day than yesterday?

YesitismePare · 23/09/2014 18:17

Yes thanks, the teaching has been more like teaching and less like crowd control.

Dutchoma · 23/09/2014 18:35

Good. Now for tomorrow. I will be thinking about you a lot and wish I could send some real flowers.

YesitismePare · 23/09/2014 18:37

I would like to just sleep through until Thursday.

I have a full day of teaching so I'll just try to keep busy. Thanks for thinking of me.

temporaryusername · 23/09/2014 18:47

Will be thinking of you too tomorrow Pare.

Dutchoma · 23/09/2014 19:13

That is so understandable.