"Summer is Coming, the Village is warm and safe - support for depression, anxiety and other MH issues"

[LollipopViolet]

New thread, everyone :) First attempt at a thread title for us.

I've just posted on the old one, am really struggling today. Was feeling numb, still do, to be honest. Need to get myself through today.

god ed im so pleased to see you.....just seeing you here has set me off again.
god almighty im a mess.

huge huge hugs back ed i cant tell you how glad i am to see you. i cant sleep.

im so pleased to see you, ed the relief! i cant quite explain how glad i am to see you....im crying like an idiot but its with relief! i dont want to add to your woes.
these threads moved on such a lot, and im so glad in so many ways, but im stuck and i wanted to see people i could relate to and i found the threads again and everything had changed.

i got a bit over confident. i had stopped reading and posting, and the threads took on a whole new life (and i am glad i really am that they are helping others) but on a totally selfish level i felt left behind.

a familiar face was what i needed.

im just having a really shit time. my sleep pattern has gone to the dogs too.....im back at work on monday. i just had 19 days off. (annual leave.)

it jusst all feels too much to bear. its like just as i get back on my feet something has to come and knock me flat on my back again.

let me know where you are ed....pm. ive not pm'd you yet....i need to see how you are first....
our lives were running at such a parallel for so long.....last thing i want is to knock you off your perch if youre doing better....

but seriously.
massive squeezy hugs. bloody hell i have missed you.

something just bloody pm me.

I'm not usually on these threads but popped on last week so its still in my active convos and I happened to notice it. LEM, CIQ, Nana, Silvery are all still around though.

. I'm doing loads better. I'm coming off meds at the moment and the med I'm on is supposed to be one of the worst to come off for withdrawal symptoms (just google venlafaxine withdrawal) so I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself ATM and my sleep pattern has gone to the dogs as a result. I'm usually about on and off through the night but I had a man in my bed last night (and tonight ) so was tricky or I would have been there for you all night. You've done so much for me (along with others on this thread) that it really doesn't matter 'where I'm at'. If you need a friendly face to talk to you've got one.

and what your ds is going through sounds absolutely horrificand surely them aaccessing personal information stored on his personal PC (even if it was used for work) and using it with malice is a breach of privacy or something. Stay strong and go get 'em girl.

If you do want to vent more please please PM me. You have done so much for me its the least I can do to listen..

Thank you for the congrats everyone, especially nana, you were so helpful when I was at my lowest. I've finished my degree, I still have my junior doctor years ahead of me but I am taking a year to regroup before starting that. I was in a&e, you remembered right. You should be copied into letters, you are right.

Something- I remember you. I have been on mumsnet for years and you always stood out to me for your good and sensible advice, and all the crap that has been thrown your way, much more than your fair share if there is such a thing. I am furious on your behalf, what a horrible thing to happen, you must feel so violated! I can't imagine how anybody could be so nasty.

Something I an incensed on your behalf I had typed a big long post yesterday responding to your first post but it seems to have disappeared.

How DARE they do that. How DARE they. The rotten insidious cunts (sorry but really!!!!). Surely they have broken a privacy law? Assuming you didn't identify them on here. It just proves to me that they were dirt digging on your son as they knew they were in the wrong. It is disgusting and I hope that mnhq are investigating this as this is something that affects us all.

No wonder you feel down but you are a lioness when it comes to your ds. He is lucky you are his mum.

You did a great thing starting these threads. Look how many of us have got support. They have made such a difference. Do pm me if you want to. We miss you but would rather you not feel so bad. :(

Oh (((( something ))))) Of course I remember you, you were such a support to so many of us. And I remember things with your DS too. That is absolutely terrible behaviour of the firm, and the stress on you must be immense, particularly with having to support your DS on top of everything.

Here for you if you need to talk or vent.

Well done on getting through your appointment NN, sorry it went less well than you hoped. I automatically get a copy of letters my psychiatrist sends my GP (at least the old one did, don't know about the new one), so it should be possible.

Oh Something of course I remember you. I actually think that in the very beginning it was just you and I for a very short time. I remember all the trials and tribulations with your job and your DS etc. I don't know what's happened but from the sounds of it it's something pretty awful. Of course you should stay on the thread - you see there are those of us who still remember you, so post away - I still see this as "your" thread to be honest! I've dipped in and out and then when I see a lot of new people I think "Oh I'm too far behind now...." but then I start posting again and it's ok. The only thing is I can't remember everyone's particular illness/circumstances etc., so just muddle along really.
Ed so glad you came on for Something - I remember how you always saw yourselves of twins of some sort and her response to your post shows how much she appreciates you. Glad to hear you are so much better and hope it's a nice man in your bed!!

Thank you for your kind words Glabella - am definitely going to be getting onto the "access to medical records issue" - I googled last night and as I thought I am entitled to see them.

Poured with rain here this morning (West Midlands) I always feel sorry for people who have to work all week in the heat, then the weekend comes and the weather seems to break.

Think I'm more or less ok today but can't stop thinking that I'm not really, which is very frustrating. Over thinking......need to get out and shop and wash the floors!

How's everyone else today?

Something I don't know how I could have missed your post in the early hours of this morning because you posted at 00.11 and I posted at 00.33. I certainly didn't see it or I would have responded. What has happened sounds truly horrendous and as others have said, isn't there something to prevent this sort of thing happening. I know in criminal cases it is done (as I'm sure you do) but because your son raised the disability discrimination issue - unbelievable. So sorry after all the time and effort you spent on supporting your son that he has lost his job. I know you love him unconditionally but I know also that he wears you down, because of his AS and he seems to take 2 steps forward and 2 step back (or something like that) You say you feel alone with it all, what about DH - is he supportive of his son. Is there anyone in RL who can offer you the support you desperately need. I'm wondering too whether going back to work is going to make things better or worse.

Thinking of you and here for you whenever........NNx

Hi Nana- I'm in the West Midlands too! It's still sort of raining here, but I've yet to get dressed anyway....I hope that your meds are helping you out. I tried to follow it, but I got a bt muddled up..what are you taking now, and are you happy/OK with the decision the Doctor made? I remeber you were having problems with setraline? I have issues with setraline, too, I never think the dose is quite right...I always want to ask to up it..but so far, they have said no. I'm on 50mg, and to get around the side effects (mainly sickness) I switched to taking it in the evening. I'm still struggling with the side effects of my anti physcotics. Today, absolute exhaustion, just needed to sleep and my arms are really, realy hurting. Does anyone else find they have really variable days with side effects? Some days, I feel none at all...others are really hard. I was meant to be going to something that I really enjoy today, but just couldn't get up, so cancelled. I feel like a walking zombie some days, but I'm sure I'm re-acting to events yesterday, too.
I've sent off for my ESA, Nana. Meeting GP to get a new fit note when my current one runs out. I still see home treatment at present...seeing them again on Monday. I thought I was over the worst side effects, so it feels a bit like a 'step back', because I can't do much.

And yes the posts that something sent at 1:37 anf 1:53 put a tear in my my eye too. Twins that we are.

I'm still fuming at what ds work have done. Treating ds like that was disgusting enough. Treating you like that is beyond disgusting.

Honestly honestly. I'm here for you. If you ever make a complete name change please pm me. I'd hate to lose track of you. I almost pm'd you a couple of weeks ago. Just for support on a matter which was within your professional domain (trying to be cryptic). I wish I had now cos at least you'd have felt less isolated.

Please don't feel alone. You know you have support here even if it is difficult for you to access. PM me and I'll send you my email address if necessary. .

thank you for welcoming me back, i am still trying to get my head around what has happened to ds.

i will probably have to nc again soon and lose all references to my former self. i know that this sounds stupid but i feel like ds former employer has taken away a source of support for me, and im almost grieving for my lost identity on here, then when i couldnt see any familiar names here i felt totally lost.

im better today though i have spent most of the day in bed.

if ds doesnt manage to get another job within the next few weeks he will have to come home. he has some interviews lined up.

ds had a union rep who was also a disability advisor, he has told me that his employer seemed to want to destroy him. destroy his career, and him as a person. he can understand it, he says ds is a nice lad, just beginning his career, and they were hell bent on destroying him - he worked for a small company and i think they took it all very personally when i stepped in to point out that they couldnt simply sack him for disclosing a disability (thats what they were going to do - i have the letter here to prove it) and then they started fishing. They found me here and actually had the time to trawl through 7 years of posting history to dish the dirt. they got my log in details off his personal computer, but proving that is going to be a challenge. It feels like a violation, to think they have read these threads, they know what meds im on, what my state of mind has been, how ive struggled with work, with ds, they have, as the rep told me, dug as deep as you can dig.
im not sure i have the emotional energy to deal with any of it. i think i probably need to go back and see my gp, just to keep them in the loop, because if anyone suggested that i come off my meds at present i would go to pieces.

ed thank you. i will pm you, when i can. i am really genuinely pleased to see you are doing better. I think i was too until this came along to pull the rug from under me.

nana thank you.
and lem, snowy and anyone my knackered brain has forgotten....
and everyone who just gave support/hand holds last night - i feel a bit more rational now and i can see there are lots of you still here who i "know", ....time to introduce myself to the newbies too.....i think i might be here again for a bit.

thank you for the safe haven and the welcome back

*can't
as in he cant understand it....

i overdid the vino a bit last night....

Hi, can I post here? I started my own thread but then found the village. I could just do with someone understanding to chat to. I was diagnosed with pnd about a week ago and have been put on fluoextine.

I haven't felt like me for a few months now. I just feel flat and exhausted and unable to cope with my DSes. They are both lovely, wonderful boys who deserve more than I can give right now. I just feel like I've hit a really crap period in my life. I just finished an access course (psychology and behavioural science) and now have a year of nothing before I go to university. I feel resentful of my dp who is about to start an MSc in September.

I was bfing DS2 but it just seemed like I didn't have enough milk for him in the last few weeks and he's gone onto sma. He's much happier and seems satisfied now. So I feel guilty about not being able to bf him for longer and for not putting him on formula sooner.

I am so run down atm I've come down with flu and have come up in eczema. I feel ugly and disgusting. And the fluoextine is making me feel so tired.

Welcome enormouse I don't know anything about PND.

I think it's just regular depression snowy, but the gp called it postnatal because it came on about 5 months after DS2.

Thank you for the welcome.

Welcome enormouse really sorry to hear about your pnd. I also had pnd after dd1 was born so sending lots of sympathy. I'm also on fluoxetine for depressoon/anxiety. Did take a while to kick in.

something im on your behalf. Very glad you're seeking legal advice and like everyone else has said stay here a while. ..

Hi ed glad to hear you're doing better, nice to hear from you.

Welcome enormouse :) sorry you are so down with pnd. Like CIQ I also have suffered the same some years ago a few months after DS was born.
I to am on fluoxetine, and found it made me very tired.
Do you have good support from family and friends?

Something - I follow employment issues threads also, and am familiar with the relevant recent thread. I am sorry how it has turned out for your DS, and the pain it has caused you :(
You did a great thing for people like me when you started these support threads. It's only right in your hour of need that you come back to your 'home' for much needed support from oldies and newbies :)
I have been on it since May, so consider myself still a bit of a newbie. My MH problems have all been down to issues at work.
I am sorry you were in such despair last night, so hope today has been a little easier for you.

NanaNina - yes it was me collar dove with DS at uni and wayward teenage DD! I hope your next apt with the new psych goes a bit better. You sounded most disappointed with him.
We can manage financially for maybe 1/2 months after I finish work. But with helping DS out being a poor student! I will be looking for a new job.

Hope everyone else is ticking along ok today? I have had an ok day.

Does anyone know if I would have to tell a new employer about my MH issues?

(((Hugs))) to all esp CIQ, Pulled, KatKins, Silvery, Victrix, Snowy and Lem

Thanks collar appreciate the hugs. Things not good with dh this evening...

CIQ - sorry to hear that :( esp as you have been so upbeat recently.
If its any consolation my DH has been a real faceache today. We have not spoken much this evening. So I am keeping a bit of distance...
So extra ((hug)) for you :) x

Thank you Ciq and collar.

My family aren't around but I'm close to dps family and he is very supportive. A few close friends but not many. I'm struggling with telling people in RL. I just don't feel like going out at the moment.

The fluoextine is making me feel like I'm hitting a wall of tiredness.

Dh's eh? collar

enormouse do you have much help with your baby? Sleeping lots is ok, I slept loads when I was really ill, I think its partly the meds and partly your brain just needs it.

Yep. Dp was a TA and will be a post grad student from October onwards. So he's here all the time now and is very hands on with both boys. Tbh he has practically done everything for the past few weeks. Poor DS1 has been living off dps limited range of "x and chips and beans" meals.

We live just down the road from DPil so lots of help there too.

I feel so bad for sleeping all the time though. Dp is in with the baby and I'm in the spare room tonight. When I was bfing him I'd be up almost on the hour. I think I gave up on sleeping at night.

Yes CIQ agreed....

enormouse - it is great that you have some good support. My advice would be whatever offers of help you get take it! I wish I would of done that! I didn't :( I should just carry on as if to prove I was alright... But I wasn't and ended up like a frog in a box!

Last night DS2 slept through from 10 till about 7. Which is great but now I feel awful as obviously my milk wasn't enough and he must have been starving. Dp has taken boys to their grandparents for Sunday lunch so I'm relaxing with some tea and biscuits.

I feel so drained and lifeless. I keep thinking they all deserve so much better than a dried out husk of a mum. I used to be so vibrant and lively, what's happened to me?