There is no way out for me now.

[madeuplovesong44]

I've been around the mh block so to speak....bipolar, eating disorder, personality disorder, pnd, suicide attempts, sectioning, hospital stays months at a time, drugs, mother and baby unit, CBT, dbt, arrests, cognitive analytical therapy, sexual abuse, benzo addiction, ruined degree, ruined careers etc etc

I always thought I would get better but now all that can be done to help, has been done. I'm broken and damaged beyond repair. I'm so tired of this existence, I am a disgrace to my wonderful children. I dream of death and escape and that some angel will protect my babies. How has so much promise become such despair.

Thank you for continuing to root for me, means a great deal. I am trying to do everything in my power to be safe and well. I am excited that all being well we will be blessed with another angel and I am determined not to miss a single second of this journey due to ill health.

Good on you for doing everything you can to remain positive. Take care of yourself .

So lovely to hear, madeup. I'm so pleased you're feeling encouraged

That's great. Congrats by the way! x

Still thinking of you madeup hope all is going well x

Having really awful nausea and sickness which is difficult to cope with. Always knocks my mh when I am physically not good so this next few weeks are going to be tough

It's horrible being sick isn't it, but at least you know it won't last forever. Did you have it with both your previous pregnancies ? Lets hope it dosent go on too long

In my thoughts madeup hope today has been a good day for you

Thank you. I'm struggling. Feel so guilty as I know I should be happy to be pregnant.

Not at all madeup, please remember how many other ladies feel during their pregnancy! You're not alone in having a difficult time and being sick really makes it awful. Plenty of women don't enjoy pregnancy at all, so please don't feel guilty.

You don't have to feel guilty, you are facing a tough time at the moment.

How you doing madeup ? Still thinking of you

I'm feeling really rotten, struggling to keep anything down. I can't manage work or the kids. I don't have the resilience to cope with this. I just want a way out. I am so weak and pathetic.

Your not weak an pathetic at all, you have a lot on your shoulders at the moment. Are you seeing anyone from a mental health team ? You can get through this.do look after yourself particularly now you have a new life coming, take care

Trying to get a gp appt but last week they said there was nothing they could prescribe for morning sickness. I feel desperate. I just want this all over.

Have you tried eating a morning tea biscuit before you get up in the mornings. That's what I was recommended. Didnt always work cause I had all day sickness ! Some people I believe have a ginger nut . Worth a try. It's horrible when it's going on , but think of your prize at the end of it all.

How are you madeup? I second ginger nuts! Anything ginger is good really. Maybe a hot ginger and lemon tea? I hope you're doing ok xx

Found out I'm having twins. Totally overwhelmed and really struggling with sickness. Started to make quite desperate plans.

Oh my god madeup whatever are you going to do ? That will be a struggle for you. Get all the help you can get and get in touch with every mental health person you can. You will need a lot of support. What does your dh say about it ?

I am really scared

You must reach out for help madeup proper help. I also think you need to let your dh know exactly how you are feeling. Time to be honest I think. Good luck.

Oh dear madeup, what a shock! Not what you need right now but you've got to push through this. mummylin is absolutely right, please start gathering as much support and help as you can early on, from mh teams to childcare, in home support etc. Maybe a mother's help would be something to think about to take care of the household duties for you. Be honest to them about how you feel, let them know just how much you're struggling right now and how overwhelmed you feel about how you're going to cope post-birth.

I'm an identical twin and my mum struggled when she had 3 under 4s on her own. It's hard for anyone, let alone someone who's going through what you are.

Please be kind to yourself. You can get through this. We're here for you.

Thank you.

I am trying to be as sensible and rational as possible. Fortunately we have space in our house for 4 children and we have such fantastic free childcare in the form of my in laws that we both we be able to continue working. The situation could practically be a lot worse. Sadly in my local area there is very little in terms of support groups eg no twins group or mh support groups. Everything I have read says take all the help you can but I worry that due to my lack of close friends and how busy my family are there won't be much available.

I'm struggling to stay positive at the moment because I am so ill. Stuck in bed being sick and having to lay still in the dark to ward off overwhelming nausea. Don't think I am keeping my anti psychotics down. I miss my children and my oh is grumpy as he has to do everything.

Rosey do you like being a twin? Despite everything it does feel very special.

My sister has two year old twins and she found it a struggle to start with, but she got help from the local college where they let two trainee nannies help her out 3 times a week( 3 full days ) this was invaluable to her. Maybe you could seek out some help from somewhere like this.i think it s quite tough with two little newborns, but if you can line up some help in the next few months you may find this invaluable and it would give you a break.

hi are you still taking your meds or have you stopped with you breastfeeding because if you've stopped taking them I think u need to stop breastfeeding so you can start taking them again, ok they might not help you loads but a little help is better than nothing