There is no way out for me now.

[madeuplovesong44]

I've been around the mh block so to speak....bipolar, eating disorder, personality disorder, pnd, suicide attempts, sectioning, hospital stays months at a time, drugs, mother and baby unit, CBT, dbt, arrests, cognitive analytical therapy, sexual abuse, benzo addiction, ruined degree, ruined careers etc etc

I always thought I would get better but now all that can be done to help, has been done. I'm broken and damaged beyond repair. I'm so tired of this existence, I am a disgrace to my wonderful children. I dream of death and escape and that some angel will protect my babies. How has so much promise become such despair.

No idea what to think or feel. Imagine I will be judged as wholly irresponsible.

These things happen and it's not our place to judge you. And if people do judge it will be because they are worried about you. What does your dh think about it ? But more to the point what do you think. How far along are you?

Dh is happy, we have always talked about having 3 children. I am shocked, scared, excited and about a thousand other emotions. Still can't believe it. I'm only very early on.

Well if you and dh are happy then I'm happy for you, but you will need to get the mental health team on board to help you through.now you will have yet another wonderful reason to carry on !

I know it will bring more love to our home and surely that is a good thing. I am just very scared as to how I will cope.

I know it will bring more love to our home and surely that is a good thing. I am just very scared as to how I will cope.

It is vital you set up the right help for yourself as soon as you can, yes a new baby brings more love to your family and maybe it will go some way to helping you heal. I hope so. But all your children need a mum who is healthy and able to care for them and without specialist help I too fail to see how you will cope. But this may a great incentive for you to insist on the help you need and deserve. Good luck .

I know that I will definitely not be able to access the psychotherapy I need while pregnant. The doctors reasoning on Thursday was that it's too risky as my children are so young. I'm scared as to what my doctor will say tomorrow but need to see her about meds. My husband is full of smiles, saying it will be OK. He doesn't have to go through pregnancy and risk being psychotic. I'm terrified.

What a mess.

I can quite believe that you are terrified. I can only think that you must speak with your doctor or midwife as soon as possible. It is vital you get the right support . I know that there are mental health people who work with pregnant mums. My sister has bi- polar and two years ago was expecting twins, she was put under the team in case she needed them , luckily she didn't. Maybe someone else has some thoughts on this and will have more advice for you. You may have to keep asking but you really need this help even more now.

Peed on about ten sticks, still can't believe it!

Please phone your doc today and get an apt. You need to get the ball rolling. I wouldn't think all those sticks would be wrong!

Oh madeup! I know this is going to be a frightening and anxious time when you've got so much else going on. But it kind of seems like this was meant to be. You've been so unhappy and in such a bad place, was rejected and then find out you're expecting another baby.
It's like the world is reminding you that your children are the absolute thing to keep living for and that your little ones won't reject you. Like mummylin said, get onto appts and things now. Get as much help and support and plans in place early so that you're prepared for the pregnancy and beyond. We'll all work together to help you in any way we can

Thank you. I am feeling much more positive now it has sunk in. I have a wonderful husband who isbtotally in love with me and two beautiful children who are healthy, happy and thriving. We both have secure jobs and a lovely home with plenty of space and a garden. When I think of how lucky I am and how much love we can give another child then maybe it will be OK. Maybe it was meant to be.

I have seen my psychiatrist who was very supportive and is committed to keeping me well the next 9 months. I have agreed to take some safer meds for pregnancy. I am going to wait till I am 8 weeks before involving midwives etc as I know they will want to see me very regularly and I want better piece of mind that it's a sticky bean before that starts!

Thank you so much for supporting me x

It's great to hear you being so positive, and I am glad that you have spoken to your psychiatrist and that you will be well looked after. Yes you have a lot to be happy about and your new baby will bring you and your family so much love. So for you it's been a good day all round. I am very happy for you

How is today going for you madeup? Hope it's another positive day for you.

We have decided to keep things quiet till at least 12 weeks but have told my inlaws as they look after my daughter and we are very close. They are delighted which is a lovely feeling. I have no idea how normal it is but I spend a lot of being pregnant absolutely terrified something will go wrong. The thought of that anxiety for the next 35 weeks is not fun.

I'm sure it wil sometimes be difficult for you, but you will have your medical support and it sounds like you have good in laws who can help too. The thought of a beautiful little baby will help you to get through this. How many weeks are you already ? Maybe it's the start of a better phase in your life , I certainly hope so. I am almost envious at the thought of a lovely chubby baby again !

Hope you are ok madeup and that you had a good day today.

madeup are you ok ?

Sorry I just don't know what to say, I'm feeling so overwhelmed.

It's ok , you don't have to post if you don't feel like it. Have you any apts lined up ?

I hope you're doing ok madeup

Me too..

In my thoughts madeup