DH back to work on Tuesday. How do I recruit daytime nanny part-time 4 till 7.30 pm. Baby 3 weeks. DD 5 years.

[Katiejon]

Title says it all!
Any agencies to avoid in London?
I live in Hendon NW4.

Hi Strix.
Being a lot more assertive now.
I can't face training a new ap, so will carry in with her.
If she wants to leave, that's up to her.

How are you going to call her a lazy teenager when your expecting her to do what you a grown arse married mother should be doing? ?? Flabbergasted.

Also your husband should not be doing night feeds if hes going to work everyday.

Also you have an au pair and your mum and you said you need five hours sleep at a time ! Wtf when you sign up for a baby you must realise you won't be getting lovely long sleeps but wait you already have a child so should know this.

This thread is crazy. Still can't get over you berating yhe au pair when you cant do anything yourself. If she's that bad get rid of her.

I'm sorry I think You have opened another can of worms by saying the au pair is like a lazy teenager. Don't think it will end well again on this thread. Yes she could of helped out more as your currently going through a bad patch trying to sort your self out but you can't really give a bad reference due to her not being great at cleaning. She's an aupair not a cleaner who does it for a job. You say she's good with your Child which you have employed her for not the fact she's not a good housekeeper. She can't be that bad if your still willing to employ her. If not pull your socks up there's hundreds of au pairs I can imagine would be willing and able to come ASAP.

I am no expert on the matter as I have never suffered from this myself, but I think you are suffering from depression (quite possibly PND).

You are defensive, and putting more effort into criticising other people than you are doing something about it.

You are clearly depressed.

You are unable to sleep.

You are hallucinating about horrific events involving your baby.

This is serious stuff. You and your husband and your mother need very much to get to grips with what is going on. The potential consequences of not dealing with it are horrific.

You need help. Please ask for it.

Is this helpful?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/postnataldepression/pages/introduction.aspx

Strix, I think u r right about pnd.
If I get new ap, no guarantee she will be better than the one I have.

I'm not saying you need a new au pair. I am saying you need to manage the one you have. Whilst I have no experience of PND, I have huge amounts of experience with both au pairs and nannies.

You are not in control of your emloyer-employee relationship and it will only get worse. Sticking your head in the sand and ignoring the issues because you can't bear the thought of hiring and training a new is more likely to make your life harder than easier.

I agree that after all you've mentioned on here that you are likely to be suffering from PND. You need proper support please talk to your health visitor and person who prescribed Prozac. It is likely that drugs aren't enough and that you will need counseling to get better. Much better to source help now.

Re: au pair they are not there to clean bathrooms, ok maybe a quick wash of the floor but if you want proper cleaning then get a cleaner so that you no job is done.

My clients with PND have been very demanding with high expectations I feel this is part of the condition and as the clients have recovered they have relaxed some. It will be very tough for your au pair working in a house with so much stress so please take this into account. Re her work what have you got in place to make sure she does her duties. You are well within your rights to give verbal, written (and notice) warnings if she's not doing things however make sure what you're asking her is realistic.

I hope you get the help you need from what you've written on your threads I can really feel how vulnerable you are feeling at the moment a pro active plan in regards to baby and child care, cleaning, household tasks, husband and your health is what's needed so I do hope you can get some help in person.

FWIW I had terrible physical pain after birth of DS, developed PND very quickly (within days of birth), lived in a foreign country with no family or support and workaholic husband so I can empathise to a certain extent. I've also had a succession of APs...

Feel free to ignore all of this but my advice would be

• most importantly of all - concentrate on getting yourself well again - if the prozac isn't working, get back to the psychiatrist/GP. It's a medical condition. Talk to dr also about your pain levels - they need to get that under control as will also impact sleep, emotions, everything.

• agree a plan with DH and nanny/Ap - who does what, when. Get everyone to sign up to the plan (literally, on paper).

• Let AP go home in Feb - don't be mean - think how she's feeling away from home in what sounds like a very stressful situation/household (that's factual, not blaming). Don't decide now what references you will give her in June!

• don't expect professional cleaning from an AP - it's not their job - but equally what's the problem with letting things be less-than-perfect for a while - time moves on and you will get back to it.

• thank everyone liberally - be nice to them and they will be nicer to you (yes it's hard when you're in awful pain and incredibly tired, but it really does work)

• think what would make you happy - that is under your control - if you'd love to see beautiful flowers in the kitchen, order some. If you'd like a walk in the park, take one. If you'd like to have a friend over for coffee, invite them. Don't expected anyone else to do it for you though - no matter how unfair you might think that is.

• focus on what you can do today that you couldn't do tomorrow. If needs be, read back through just your own posts here and you will see how far you have already come.

Good luck!

glad you are starting to feel better :)

regards ap's - they are there to help look after generally school aged children 25ish hrs a week, normally before/after school and some do light cleaning/housework - ie emptying dishwasher

they are not there to do deep cleans/wash bathroom floors etc

try and hire a cleaner :)

many do not have exp of small babies and tech isnt their job to look after babies and can understand their fear reluctance sometimes , tho obv in your circumstances a bit of give and take would have been nice - not hard to watch a baby while they and you sleep and give a bottle if need be

regards holidays, maybe she thought asking for a week in feb, so possibly when baby was 12 weeks+ that you would be able to cope as baby would be in a routine and practically sleeping through the night and you hopefully would feel better

Some posters are being very harsh . Depression and/or pain, and medication for either of these, can skew perception and affect how someone deals with things.

Let AP take her holiday in Feb , if needs be maybe the nanny could cover some of the time, and you may all benefit from a break. Hopefully she would return enthused and helpful.

You could book a few hours of cleaning a week if not staying on top of that worries you. Don't expect AP to do it to your standard. Keep packs of wipes by the loo. Presumably even your dh could run a wipe around the kitchen and bathroom surfaces and put a wash on/hang up if pressed.

Wipes in tesco delivery tomorrow.

Ap don't wash floors but housewives do?
Discuss.

Ap's are generally teenagers or young adults. They will not have the experience that a housewife has of running an (hopefully ) efficient home and of all that it takes to keep on top of things. Think back to when you were younger and first living away from home and learning all about running your own - were your standards as high then as they are now several years later? I know that when I first lived away from home nothing got done during the week and I would have a major blitz at the weekend if I wasn't out on the town!

An ap should be able to help out with the running of the household - emptying the dishwasher, popping the hoover round, putting a wash etc etc on but they are not qualified housewives

Seriously?!

An au pair is there to live as part of the family, learn the language and culture and in return help with childcare and light housework (eg dusting, dishwasher loading) for up to 25hrs a week. They are NOT an employee, but have a special status as part of a cultural exchange programme...

Therefore they do not do a lot of jobs that a "housewife" does. I've had many years of APs and have heard innumerable stories from their AP friends. Being asked to do too much/inappropriate/overly high standard housework seems to be the most common problem. If you want high standard cleaning - get a cleaner - and pay them 3-5 times as much per hour as most APs earn.

I do honestly sympathise that you are having a tough time - but as well as asking other people to understand your point of view, perhaps you should try to see theirs too?

Yes a house wife should be doing the house work. Your husband goes to work you need to bring something to the table if your not working. Au pair is not for major house work. You should be able to run yiur home.

I know you are depressed but honestly your attitude towards other people is not good.

Why can't you au pair go back and see her family ? If she's as useless as you say you won't miss her too much.

I think you could also pick up a wipe and wipe round the bathroom.

Top advice there for a woman with spd, a recent caesarean and a mental health problem - just go and wipe the bathroom down dear.

I certainly have opened a can of worms.
I am doing some housework, but not v much.
Reet, please keep your nasty comments to yourself.
Am in favour of free speech, but not if it breaks guidelines.
Cleaner coming every 2 weeks, house MUST be kept relatively dust free as dd and I are asthmatic, me more than her.
I understand ap is young (20!), but how hard is it to hoover in the corners?
She works harder when she knows I'm watching.
Feeling better.

Ap and her friend joining me for xmas lunch.
Have also emailed her parents to thank for baby gift.
Hardly something a selfish woman would do.

Keep ignoring the mean posts. most of us genuinely care and are here to support, not judge.

If an AP is meant to be part of the family, hoovering is something family would reasonably be expected to do.

The Christmas dinner invitation sounds lovely. Don't put too much pressure on yourself though. M&S prepared Christmas dinner side orders are the way to go.

Solomon I think you're twisting my meaning . If things like wipes are to hand it is much easier to wipe down the basin if it looks like it needs it once you have used it , than to think it is dirty, scrabble around for cleaning items or wait in frustration for some one else to notice. It may even prompt others to do likewise - 30 seconds , done. I'm not suggesting op gets down on her hands and knees and scrubs ! In time she will recover physically and things will become less difficult.

I think you may be a bit ott in expecting AP to meet your standards like hoovering into the corners, especially if you have a clearer coming in each fortnight, but overall you sound as if you have a nice relationship with her.